Hi guys. Thanks for all the concerned replies. You guys are making me feel better already. For what it's worth, I'm trying to get back to the normal swing of things, even something as simple as posting in the comments section of some articles here on TR. It's a bit of an effort, actually (even typing this), since my brain seems to be shutting down or something and even saying anything in person requires more effort than usual, but I hope it can help...
I emailed my wife a link to an article about depression on the Net and she somewhat sort of got the meaning of what it feels like to be depressed. I guess she's never felt it. As someone who's had a history of the 'melancholies' at an early age (I remember being overly worried about my mom leaving me someday at the age of 12 -- I'm 34 now), this sort of feeling really sucks every time I get it. Speaking of my worries about my mom at age 12, I think it's also related to something they call GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I guess that's been playing a part too without me really knowing that it's an issue. I usually worry too much, and when the workload piles up, all the stress and anxiety and worrying rob me of what little energy I have left. My wife asked me about seeing a doctor about this, so if we ever do push through with it, something I am inclined to do albeit hesitantly, I might as well bring up my possible history of GAD. It's killing me. It's like a dark cloud is constantly hanging on top of my head, strangling me and raining lots of negativity on me. How I wish I had a switch on my back that I can just throw to make me either happy or repel those negative thoughts.
Someone here said something about the forest, and honestly, I've been thinking a lot about that as well. You know, if I had it my way, I would just leave the city and head for the forest where there are lots of trees. In short, back to mother nature. For good. That would be my sort of Heaven here. I would just buy a parcel of land, build a basic house on top of it, and live a simple life planting crops to ward off the zombies. Of course I don't think I can really do that, with today's budget constraints and an 8-month old baby girl and the wife.
Additionally, I think this nature thing has something to do with my childhood episode (age 12). Back then when I was really sad and everything was just gloomy, I remember riding a taxi cab and seeing all the buildings and from what I remember, the sight of all those buildings somewhat made my feelings worse. Of course I wasn't that knowledgeable about these things back then (when you're a kid, you feel sad and that's it) but perhaps, if I went to a place with lots of nature in it, I may have felt better. In my original post I did mention the Hundred Acre Woods, which is Winnie the Pooh's sort of little world. I've always loved that place, not so much Winnie the Pooh. Or perhaps Winnie the Pooh struck me because of the Woods. How I wish I could just live there.
I saw a video
on Youtube last night and the speaker in the video said something that really struck me; that we're still designed to live like ancient races.. with nature. And I guess he's right. Lots of people in the city go mountain climbing or camping in the forest so they can again be attune with nature. I guess that's what I'm missing so dearly these days. Perhaps I should plan a trip somewhere. That's the best thing I can do at this point without having my own log cabin in the woods. Thing is, I just set up a new business too (just last month) so it's not like I could just leave. That new biz has been draining my energy as well since it's practically a one-man show.
Again, my most sincere gratitude to all you guys who took the time to read and reply to my thread here. I really, really appreciate all of your posts and thoughts.
The only way not to grow old is to die young.