cphite wrote:sluggo wrote:ronch wrote:Just tried to talk to the wife about it. Shouldn't have. Stupid me.
Okay ... just a thought, but if the the person closest to you in your life does not care to hear about your problems, then I think this is something you might want to consider as a potential contributor to your current depressed state.
Don't be too quick to judge the wife. It's often very difficult for people who haven't experienced depression to really understand it; and even if they do think they understand it, they often will try to rationalize it or dismiss it - in many cases in a somewhat misguided attempt to help (ie. if I tell this person to just cheer up they won't be depressed anymore...)
ronch wrote:To be honest, guys, I kinda feel frustrated with my wife as well. She's a supportive wife, to be fair to her. But the thing is, this misery of mine has been slowly building up for the past few months and every time I express sadness she just kinda brushes me off. I actually even told her that I wouldn't approach her anymore but it just makes things worse. Sigh. Women. And so I guess that's one of the reasons why this problem has reached this point. She's more open now, I guess, and I hope it's not too late. She does want to help but I guess she doesn't know exactly how, so I nudged her in the right direction by sending her a link through email. I'm just tired of verbal conversations these days and I've found that typing/writing down what I wanna say is a lot easier than verbal means. I don't know how things will turn out. Just wanna get out of the woods, figuratively. What's more dangerous is the fact that the business I set up happens to be a drug store, so I have easy access to everything, if you know what I mean.
I also found that, although I've expressed my longing for the great outdoors, going out of the house is a huge effort for me. But also, I've found that looking at pictures of nature really soothes my internal circuits so I may want to do more of that.
cphite wrote:Honestly man, the next thing you need to do is go find someone that you can talk to about this. It doesn't sound like your wife is that person right now; maybe she will be at some point, but right now she is not. And as much as folks here might want to help, when you come right down to it there is only so much that you can get from an online conversation.
ronch wrote:My work has been suffering. I've been falling behind on my plans. But work is one of the reasons why I ended up like this in the first place. I have been suffering burnouts and near-burnouts for the past few months, with no time to take a few days off before pushing myself to work again, almost no support system when I feel blue, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, doubt, perhaps some GAD thrown in... I dunno.
Work piling up, I get frustrated about falling behind, which adds fuel to the fire. I wake up in the morning and the first thing that comes to mind is wanting to die. At night I go to bed wishing I wouldn't wake up anymore. Like I said, I just wanna live in la-la land or something (dreams). No troubles, no worries, nothing. Just a timeless, peaceful place.
I have doubts the doctor would be able to pull me back though. I don't know. It's like I won't feel completely ok until I'm out there flying with the birds or something. It's like I wanna reach a higher level that I can't reach while I'm in the physical plane. I know this view/mentality is really crazy... Maybe it does have something to do with my childhood as well. I've had suicidal thoughts since childhood (maybe I was 10 then... maybe even earlier). Not sure why, but perhaps it's because I grew up with a handicap (really bad eyesight) and other kids made fun of me since Kindergarten to college. Maybe all those years of feeling inferior are now coming back to bite me. I don't really know. I can't understand my own mind myself...
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