Clueless news quotes

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Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:49 am

Post your unintentionally humorous or incompetently edited news quotes here. Let's try to keep this one clear of R&P... we can start a separate "R&P Edition" of this thread if needed!

CBS News wrote:Law enforcement sources tell CBS News senior correspondent John Miller that they are confident that a body in a burned cabin in Big Bear, California is believed to be that of Christopher Dorner, the fired former LAPD officer who is suspected of earlier killing three people, and was also the subject of an intense manhunt.

So they're confident that someone believes the cop killer is dead. Stop and parse that for a second. I'm confident that someone believes in little green men from Mars too!

Source: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-575 ... ned-cabin/
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:03 pm

My local NBC affiliate regularly publishes these kinds of verbiage gaffs on their website. My guess is that only the stuff that clears for possible television narration gets a proper editing and rewrite, and the rest transcribed verbatim from whatever the reporter babbled into their iPhone's camera.
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:35 pm

The last sentence of this one kills me. In an article full of single-sentence paragraphs that could have easily been condensed about flags that have disappeared from a school, the conclusion is fresh out of a time machine. This is our local CBS affiliate's website.

http://centralillinoisproud.com/fulltext?nxd_id=304282

Meantime staff members are keeping their ears open for information leading to the disappearance.
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:55 pm

"Meantime staff members are keeping their ears open for information leading to the disappearance."

I just tried saying that in a 1940s newsreel announcer's voice and it came out pretty funny. Although it helps to add a hearty "Go and get 'em, boys!" to the end.
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 1:42 pm

ludi wrote:
"Meantime staff members are keeping their ears open for information leading to the disappearance."

I just tried saying that in a 1940s newsreel announcer's voice and it came out pretty funny. Although it helps to add a hearty "Go and get 'em, boys!" to the end.


Hehe, nice. I tried it to see how it worked also. Not bad!
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 1:45 pm

http://www.dailypress.com/news/breaking ... 2107.story

A severely burned body found Tuesday morning in Isle of Wight County has been identified as a North Carolina man.

Torrey Lamont Anderson, 21, of Raleigh, N.C., died from a gunshot wound, according to the medical examiner. Anderson's body was set on fire in a wooded area off Nike Park Road in Carrollton, just a few feet from a car that was torched overnight, said Isle of Wight Sheriff's Capt. Rick Gaddis.

....
....
....


Anderson's death is being investigated as a homicide, Gaddis said.
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 3:59 pm

kvndoom wrote:Anderson's death is being investigated as a homicide, Gaddis said.

I don't know why, as it appears he died of natural causes. If you get shot you will naturally bleed out. If you get set on fire, you will naturally burn.

Also, more brilliance from the local CBS affiliate regarding Illinois State University's lockdown yesterday:

The friend then calls ISU Police within the hour.
Now, here, there's a lapse of time between the call to police and the alert going out to the students because of the back and forth between the girl, her friend, and police.

http://centralillinoisproud.com/fulltext?nxd_id=305812
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 4:45 pm

kvndoom wrote:Anderson's death is being investigated as a homicide, Gaddis said.

Actually, I think this one's okay. It tells you that the death is being investigated, and tells you the investigation will carry on the same way any homicide investigation would. Depending on which word you stress, you can make it sound funny, but I think it's simply a Captain Obvious sentence, not an ironic one.

Edit: it would've been ironic if the last sentence said "The police suspect the cause of death to be homicide."
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:02 pm

Meadows wrote:
kvndoom wrote:Anderson's death is being investigated as a homicide, Gaddis said.

Actually, I think this one's okay. It tells you that the death is being investigated...

Edit: it would've been ironic if the last sentence said "The police suspect the cause of death to be homicide."
Or "the death has been ruled a suicide."
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Tue Feb 26, 2013 3:34 pm

CBS News wrote:Prosecutors took a .22-caliber pistol and a knife to the school last Feb. 27 and fired 10 shots at a group of students in the cafeteria.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-575 ... -shooting/
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Tue Feb 26, 2013 3:45 pm

just brew it! wrote:
CBS News wrote:Prosecutors took a .22-caliber pistol and a knife to the school last Feb. 27 and fired 10 shots at a group of students in the cafeteria.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-575 ... -shooting/

I'm sure that'll get fixed, but I did a spit take. Thanks, man.
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Tue Feb 26, 2013 7:02 pm

derFunkenstein wrote:
just brew it! wrote:
CBS News wrote:Prosecutors took a .22-caliber pistol and a knife to the school last Feb. 27 and fired 10 shots at a group of students in the cafeteria.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-575 ... -shooting/

I'm sure that'll get fixed, but I did a spit take. Thanks, man.

Still hasn't been fixed several hours later...
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Tue Feb 26, 2013 7:25 pm

Maybe they were doing it as a warning to the kids to behave or else. ;)
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Tue Feb 26, 2013 7:51 pm

"... a body in a burned cabin in Big Bear, California is believed to be that of Christopher Dorner, the fired former LAPD officer ..."

I was taken with "body in a burned cabin" and "fired", although I suppose "the terminated officer" would have been just as awkward.
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Re: Clueless news quotes

Postposted on Tue Feb 26, 2013 7:55 pm

Watching a documentary on WWII and African American participation.

They spent about an hour explaining how they were used as waiters, truck drivers, laundry workers, etc. etc. etc.
Anything but front-line first in action.

Guess how then ended the show?

Pointing out the glaring racism of no medal of honor awards.... :wink:

Really? did they watch the first 58 minutes of the program?? :lol: :lol:
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