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This thread is awesome:
I have already used it to make two stubborn friends promise to go and speak to a counsellor.

When I say "you're depressed, go and get help" they say "sure", but assume I just caught them in a blue mood and continue on their not-so-merry way, kidding themselves it'll get better.

When Ronch says "I might be a little bit depressed" and 25 complete strangers on the internet say "go and get help", quoting past experiences, it reinforces that getting help is the right thing to do.

Yeats wrote:

derFunkenstein wrote:

If you've thought about ending it, don't delay.

We don't want him to "end it".

The "don't delay" was in seeking counseling/psych/whatever.

Well, as someone who has been clinically depressed most of my life, my advice is to think about coping mechanisms.
I'm not sure there is any one, or best response...nothing against any that have been mentioned which are very good.
I look at it as something that needs to acknowledged as part of life for some people...the causes and possible ameliorations are unique to your life.
As I get older, I realize that many things just can't be fixed, that there is no magic wand or drug to erase all the grief and misery of life.
Life can't be solved...only experienced.
I find this thought liberating.

You don't need to feel you are responsible to understand, to immediately solve your depression...

You just need to look for the things in life that you still want to experience.

Some good drugs do help to lift the haze however.

I get off my ass, have my Lincoln haul my old body out to the edge of the bush. I get out of the car, strap on my camera and small pack and hit the trail.

Inside of 100' I am at least twice as happy as I was when I hit the ground. A hundred yards gets me another 3 or 4 times happiness. After I get into my stride I am so pleased I start singing stupid little songs and dangle my tripod at weird angles for no reason at all. I love the wilderness and really we all do.

We have only been doing this civilization thing for 10,000 years or so. Before that we were opportunistic scavengers and hunters and have evolved to live in the wilderness. It's what we were born to do, the 10,000 years has actually changed very little in us. Get out of the city and go on home. It does feel good.

derFunkenstein wrote:

I assume this was quoted out of context because you're trying to be funny, but I don't find it particularly so. The whole post was about "get help get help" so obviously I'm saying don't delay getting help. I don't really appreciate being intentionally taken out of context given the serious nature of this thread.

OK, OK, I apologize for my gallows humor. It's how I cope with life and death.

PenGun wrote:

I get off my ass, have my Lincoln haul my old body out to the edge of the bush. I get out of the car, strap on my camera and small pack and hit the trail.

Inside of 100' I am at least twice as happy as I was when I hit the ground. A hundred yards gets me another 3 or 4 times happiness. After I get into my stride I am so pleased I start singing stupid little songs and dangle my tripod at weird angles for no reason at all. I love the wilderness and really we all do.

We have only been doing this civilization thing for 10,000 years or so. Before that we were opportunistic scavengers and hunters and have evolved to live in the wilderness. It's what we were born to do, the 10,000 years has actually changed very little in us. Get out of the city and go on home. It does feel good.

I completely agree. The endorphins get going, and the extraneous can melt away, leaving you with the essential you.

Just to repeat what others have said, if you're thinking "self-harm" thoughts, seek professional help, immediately. But if you're just "feeling blue" (hey, we all do, its called life), find something NEW to take your mind off things. So reading and computers don't excite you anymore, but find something that you've never done before that challenges you and you can set goals for yourself so you can work towards them.

As an example, a few years back I got depressed (not clinically and I wasn't thinking self-harm, but I was definitely "feeling blue"). My job sucked, I was all alone (a house can be really empty when no one else is around) and just nothing was going right. So I signed up for a kick boxing class and that really helped. It got my mind of my problems and got the blood flowing. After 18 months or so I picked up ice skating (something I hadn't done since childhood) and started trying to find as much ice time as I could to practice. I wanted to start playing ice hockey (my goal) so I worked hard to skate (transitions, tight turns, backwards cross cuts) with my goal clearly set. This got my mind off my problems as I became very focused on skating. Eventually, the "depression" went away and I'm now playing ice hockey 2-3x a week.

I'm not saying go skating, but there are many other "hobbies" you can do to help. But again, the above suggestion is for if you're just "feeling blue". If it's more serious than that, seek professional help.

Hey Ronch,

Hang in there, you are doing the right thing reaching out to people.

You've identified there's a problem and that's a great first step, the second is to accept that you'll need help to overcome this and that the sooner you seek that help the better. Not everyone will know how to react and it may be your wife isn't sure how to handle this either. Go and see your doctor and explain how you've been feeling and how it's affecting you. He or she will be able to offer advice and make sure you get this taken care of.

In the meantime if there's anything we can do to help just say.

Will

As someone who is frequently depressed, and who seems to be surrounded by depression often, please let medical professionals help. They won't judge and won't laugh.

I used to have a really good friend, we called him Twofer. Now we don't. I've never dug too deeply, but he was young to go, and frequently had depression issues.

Don't leave others wondering what they didn't do to help you.

Forge wrote:

I used to have a really good friend, we called him Twofer. Now we don't. I've never dug too deeply, but he was young to go, and frequently had depression issues.

Forge, thank you for remembering/speaking that name. I was just a user then and I now remember the ripple through the forums at his passing.

To the OP. You have many people here wishing you well and willing to help. Let us.

Captain Ned wrote:

Forge wrote:

I used to have a really good friend, we called him Twofer. Now we don't. I've never dug too deeply, but he was young to go, and frequently had depression issues.

Forge, thank you for remembering/speaking that name. I was just a user then and I now remember the ripple through the forums at his passing.

To the OP. You have many people here wishing you well and willing to help. Let us.

He remains the only person in the world I could sell my P2B-D and dual 600E P3s to and not regret it. Sure, that doesn't really make sense to anyone but me, but it's true.

Considering the winter weather, you may be experiencing a vitamin D deficiency. Sunlight helps the body produce vitamin D, which is kind of a feel-good vitamin. If you have a shortage of it, it can cause symptoms of depression. Exercise can definitely help you feel better. Also, the bleak news and economy is difficult for most people right now, so it isn't just you. You aren't alone. Hang in there.

confusedpenguin wrote:

Considering the winter weather, you may be experiencing a vitamin D deficiency.

He may, or he may not - there are blood tests for that, and if deficiency is pretty severe - taking pills is not enough (same goes for other vitamins). That's why it's better to go and see teh doctor who can order all necessary tests.

Hi guys. Thanks for all the concerned replies. You guys are making me feel better already. For what it's worth, I'm trying to get back to the normal swing of things, even something as simple as posting in the comments section of some articles here on TR. It's a bit of an effort, actually (even typing this), since my brain seems to be shutting down or something and even saying anything in person requires more effort than usual, but I hope it can help...

I emailed my wife a link to an article about depression on the Net and she somewhat sort of got the meaning of what it feels like to be depressed. I guess she's never felt it. As someone who's had a history of the 'melancholies' at an early age (I remember being overly worried about my mom leaving me someday at the age of 12 -- I'm 34 now), this sort of feeling really sucks every time I get it. Speaking of my worries about my mom at age 12, I think it's also related to something they call GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I guess that's been playing a part too without me really knowing that it's an issue. I usually worry too much, and when the workload piles up, all the stress and anxiety and worrying rob me of what little energy I have left. My wife asked me about seeing a doctor about this, so if we ever do push through with it, something I am inclined to do albeit hesitantly, I might as well bring up my possible history of GAD. It's killing me. It's like a dark cloud is constantly hanging on top of my head, strangling me and raining lots of negativity on me. How I wish I had a switch on my back that I can just throw to make me either happy or repel those negative thoughts.

Someone here said something about the forest, and honestly, I've been thinking a lot about that as well. You know, if I had it my way, I would just leave the city and head for the forest where there are lots of trees. In short, back to mother nature. For good. That would be my sort of Heaven here. I would just buy a parcel of land, build a basic house on top of it, and live a simple life planting crops to ward off the zombies. Of course I don't think I can really do that, with today's budget constraints and an 8-month old baby girl and the wife.

Additionally, I think this nature thing has something to do with my childhood episode (age 12). Back then when I was really sad and everything was just gloomy, I remember riding a taxi cab and seeing all the buildings and from what I remember, the sight of all those buildings somewhat made my feelings worse. Of course I wasn't that knowledgeable about these things back then (when you're a kid, you feel sad and that's it) but perhaps, if I went to a place with lots of nature in it, I may have felt better. In my original post I did mention the Hundred Acre Woods, which is Winnie the Pooh's sort of little world. I've always loved that place, not so much Winnie the Pooh. Or perhaps Winnie the Pooh struck me because of the Woods. How I wish I could just live there.

I saw a video on Youtube last night and the speaker in the video said something that really struck me; that we're still designed to live like ancient races.. with nature. And I guess he's right. Lots of people in the city go mountain climbing or camping in the forest so they can again be attune with nature. I guess that's what I'm missing so dearly these days. Perhaps I should plan a trip somewhere. That's the best thing I can do at this point without having my own log cabin in the woods. Thing is, I just set up a new business too (just last month) so it's not like I could just leave. That new biz has been draining my energy as well since it's practically a one-man show.

Again, my most sincere gratitude to all you guys who took the time to read and reply to my thread here. I really, really appreciate all of your posts and thoughts.

-ronch

GAD?
Intimately familiar with that. I have more of the insomnia and outburst problems with that than depression, it is a struggle. However I made the decision years ago to move out to the country, internet speed and commute be damned! Your health and happiness is by far more important. The expenses come from commute and all the toys to support the property. The return? GAD issues are rare, usually in March.

View from house, nice pond down there too. Latest hobby is pond management.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10201785031619809&l=e0a98a9593

Liquidsquid, that view is amazing.

I read things now and then that explain how our modern world focuses our attention on all things media, lessening our human-to-human contact, which in turn makes us lonely and depressed. Facebook 'friends' are not as helpful to us as real friends. The solution is to favor intimate social relationships to using a computer or cell phone. There's still an amazing world of people, if you make the extra effort to avoid media and look for it.

That said, if you're having suicidal thoughts, it might be a good idea to speak to someone. Even if your mindset is due to external factors, it can help to have a trained person talk you through it for a time until you're straightened out.

We're all rooting for you, Ronch.

Ronch, I just found this thread and was nothing more than curious when I started reading it, but your one-line post of yesterday was more than a little worrying. It's scary when one says he's depressed, and then runs out of words. It's good that you have the will to talk at length again. You're pretty much aware of what you're missing the most, so do try to arrange a day off all duties and go on that trip, with your family or alone. I guess your new business has brought much chaos and uncertainty into your life, maybe more than ever before, and the little girl is doing her part in ruining your daily schedule too - including sleeping hours. While you certainly can't "just leave", you can do that with some planning, and if the plan falls apart, try once more.

Some posters here have suggested you to seek professional help. I can't say that I agree or disagree, I'd put it another way: you're putting your mental health at risk, and while we take risks with everything we do, it's now time to stop a little and think. Think about solutions too, not just about problems.

ronch wrote:

Liquidsquid, that view is amazing.

Thanks,
If you really think the outdoors helps, join a group of like-minded folks and do a little hiking in nearest wilderness location. I see adds occasionally in the Pennysaver about hiking groups. Go get yourselves "lost and found!" Once you are comfortable with it, go by yourself. With a kid and wife, I find this necessary to keep the sense of "me" alive rather than family all of the time. Then I sometimes take the family to share what I have found before, which I find a lot of fun with my son and wife.

We are blessed around here to have several large tracts of open space accessible to the public through a land trust, one of them is more than 300 acres now, with almost nobody ever there. It is quite liberating and refreshing to go off-trail where you cannot hear any cars, only the occasional plane, and just explore with a camera. Sit, take a nap, escape, enjoy...

Works for me.

Besides church that is, but I did not want this to become an R&P flame war. I can PM anything on this front if you are at all interested.

FireGryphon wrote:

I read things now and then that explain how our modern world focuses our attention on all things media, lessening our human-to-human contact, which in turn makes us lonely and depressed. Facebook 'friends' are not as helpful to us as real friends. The solution is to favor intimate social relationships to using a computer or cell phone. There's still an amazing world of people, if you make the extra effort to avoid media and look for it.

The internet is weird...I do somewhat agree with "real" human contact versus virtual, but at the same time, this thread is a perfect example of people being brought together over the internet, and that includes international folk.

Just something I find interesting...

superjawes wrote:

FireGryphon wrote:

I read things now and then that explain how our modern world focuses our attention on all things media, lessening our human-to-human contact, which in turn makes us lonely and depressed. Facebook 'friends' are not as helpful to us as real friends. The solution is to favor intimate social relationships to using a computer or cell phone. There's still an amazing world of people, if you make the extra effort to avoid media and look for it.

The internet is weird...I do somewhat agree with "real" human contact versus virtual, but at the same time, this thread is a perfect example of people being brought together over the internet, and that includes international folk.

Just something I find interesting...

I agree. Chances are, if this were a hundred years ago and all of us were sitting in a bar, nobody would even be talking this frankly about depression. It's easier to be open on the Internet.

I know two people on Effexor and do wonderfully on it. It's more of an anti-anxiety rather than anti-depressant drug, and maybe your Dr. will conclude that's what you need.

Ronch,

Like others have said, what you have will not have a "cure", but you will have to find a way to cope with it, and try to live it under control. You will need to find coping mechanisms that will be the therapy to your illness. But remember, that this is only part of the solution, seeing a doctor regularly, and recording your progress is important. Your doctor needs to know whether you have any other aggravating things, or triggers that might help you with treatment.

Ronch, you have MUCH to live for. I am feeling quite confident that even though there might be alot of hardships for you, I am quite sure that you will prevail.

Go Ronch!

Yeats wrote:

superjawes wrote:

FireGryphon wrote:

I read things now and then that explain how our modern world focuses our attention on all things media, lessening our human-to-human contact, which in turn makes us lonely and depressed. Facebook 'friends' are not as helpful to us as real friends. The solution is to favor intimate social relationships to using a computer or cell phone. There's still an amazing world of people, if you make the extra effort to avoid media and look for it.

The internet is weird...I do somewhat agree with "real" human contact versus virtual, but at the same time, this thread is a perfect example of people being brought together over the internet, and that includes international folk.

Just something I find interesting...

I agree. Chances are, if this were a hundred years ago and all of us were sitting in a bar, nobody would even be talking this frankly about depression. It's easier to be open on the Internet.

It's a tradeoff. Sure, we're talking about it here, but several of us are too far to share a beer with if we wanted to.

ronch wrote:

Just tried to talk to the wife about it. Shouldn't have. Stupid me.

Okay ... just a thought, but if the the person closest to you in your life does not care to hear about your problems, then I think this is something you might want to consider as a potential contributor to your current depressed state.

Granted, your wife may not be a professional in this area, but if her feeling is that this (the depression) is something she didn't sign up for, and your feeling is that this is something that can come along in any marriage (or even between non-marrieds), then there's a very basic conflict. Conflicts like this (particularly where one of the parties may be depressed for other reasons) often get repressed. Repressed conflicts can often lead to poor communication on other levels. And long-term, these are the sorts of things that can lead to further feelings depression and alienation.

Strong feelings of alienation are a common seed for thoughts of suicide. You'll want to connect with others who value your company and insight. You have worth outside the house. If you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning, volunteer at an animal shelter or similar. If your behavior has a pattern, change it. It doesn't matter what you change it to, really, just don't seek pain relief from addictive behaviors. Spend time around children - they think you're interesting even if you don't.

I'm not a professional either, but this sort of analysis is what they do really, really well. Go talk to somebody. If your wife thinks this is a bad idea, then to hell with her. Seriously. She can be with you in this thing or not, but this is more important than a marriage. Sorry to say it, but it is. You definitely want her with you as you work to over come it, but you may have to drag her over to your side.

sluggo wrote:

ronch wrote:

Just tried to talk to the wife about it. Shouldn't have. Stupid me.

Okay ... just a thought, but if the the person closest to you in your life does not care to hear about your problems, then I think this is something you might want to consider as a potential contributor to your current depressed state.

Granted, your wife may not be a professional in this area, but if her feeling is that this (the depression) is something she didn't sign up for, and your feeling is that this is something that can come along in any marriage (or even between non-marrieds), then there's a very basic conflict. Conflicts like this (particularly where one of the parties may be depressed for other reasons) often get repressed. Repressed conflicts can often lead to poor communication on other levels. And long-term, these are the sorts of things that can lead to further feelings depression and alienation.

Strong feelings of alienation are a common seed for thoughts of suicide. You'll want to connect with others who value your company and insight. You have worth outside the house. If you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning, volunteer at an animal shelter or similar. If your behavior has a pattern, change it. It doesn't matter what you change it to, really, just don't seek pain relief from addictive behaviors. Spend time around children - they think you're interesting even if you don't.

I'm not a professional either, but this sort of analysis is what they do really, really well. Go talk to somebody. If your wife thinks this is a bad idea, then to hell with her. Seriously. She can be with you in this thing or not, but this is more important than a marriage. Sorry to say it, but it is. You definitely want her with you as you work to over come it, but you may have to drag her over to your side.

I had these thoughts, too, but Ronch did say in a subsequent post that his wife is starting to get the idea:

I emailed my wife a link to an article about depression on the Net and she somewhat sort of got the meaning of what it feels like to be depressed. I guess she's never felt it. As someone who's had a history of the 'melancholies' at an early age (I remember being overly worried about my mom leaving me someday at the age of 12 -- I'm 34 now), this sort of feeling really sucks every time I get it. Speaking of my worries about my mom at age 12, I think it's also related to something they call GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder). I guess that's been playing a part too without me really knowing that it's an issue. I usually worry too much, and when the workload piles up, all the stress and anxiety and worrying rob me of what little energy I have left. My wife asked me about seeing a doctor about this, so if we ever do push through with it, something I am inclined to do albeit hesitantly, I might as well bring up my possible history of GAD. It's killing me. It's like a dark cloud is constantly hanging on top of my head, strangling me and raining lots of negativity on me. How I wish I had a switch on my back that I can just throw to make me either happy or repel those negative thoughts.

This is one of the rare cases of 'the internet making me regain my faith in humanity'

When complete strangers (well, not complete, TR DOES have an amazing community) over the internet come together to help someone in need.

Sometimes even just saying "Hang in there, buddy" is enouth to change someone's outlook

That said, hang in there ronch. Do different things than what you've come to call a 'routine'

Go outside, exercise, challenge yourself. An i believe it will come to pass.

It is really a shame you cannot talk to your wife about your current feelings. If she does not want to hear it whats the point of her being a wife...In sickness and in heath. All us married people took those vows and she is leaving you high and dry.

If....I repeat IF your relationship with your wife is so bad you cannot even tell her when you are feeling down or just blows you off perhaps some of your problem is HER. I have no idea of what kind of relationship you have with your wife so I can not judge her.....that is your job

If your problem is stemming from your relationship with your spouse I really hope you do not have kids. It just complicates things if you ever want to just get away from her.

Good luck and keep your head up as much as you can, just get some help from someone ronch and you will get through this.

sluggo wrote:

ronch wrote:

Just tried to talk to the wife about it. Shouldn't have. Stupid me.

Okay ... just a thought, but if the the person closest to you in your life does not care to hear about your problems, then I think this is something you might want to consider as a potential contributor to your current depressed state.

Don't be too quick to judge the wife. It's often very difficult for people who haven't experienced depression to really understand it; and even if they do think they understand it, they often will try to rationalize it or dismiss it - in many cases in a somewhat misguided attempt to help (ie. if I tell this person to just cheer up they won't be depressed anymore...)