Post your jokes here!

Hang out, sip some ice tea, and shoot the breeze with TR regulars.

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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 2:53 pm

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes. The first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin and a glass of
water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of
him, clean and pressed.

Marty looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order, spotless
clean; so is the rest of the house. He takes the two aspirin and
notices a note on the table that reads, "Honey, breakfast is on the
stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

He goes to the kitchen and sure enough there sits a hot breakfast and
the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table eating. Marty
asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son answers, "Well, you came
home after 3 am, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in
the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the
door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom
dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off,
you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

A self-induced hangover - $200.00
Broken furniture - $500.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - PRICELESS
"That which does not kill me, makes me stronger." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"That which does not kill me, missed." -- Anonymous war gamer
Deimos
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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:10 pm

Deimos, one of my favorite jokes, thanks for reminding me of it!
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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:35 pm

Three guys die and go to heaven. When they meet St. Peter at the pearly gates, he says to them:

"Listen we are super busy today and unless you had a really bad day or a tragic death. I can't let you in. You'll be forced to wait in limbo for a few centuries."

He then turns to the first guy:

"Ok let's hear your story."

To which the first guy responds:

"All right I had found out that my wife had been cheating on me. So I took an early lunch from work. When I arrived at my 25th floor apartment I knew as soon as I walked in that he was still there. So I ran around the apartment looking for him. Checking everywhere. When I couldn't find him I ran out onto the balcony and I noticed two hands hanging onto the concrete railing. Well I ran up to them and started beating on them to get him to let go. When he wouldn't I ran back into my apartment, grabbed a hammer, ran back out and smashed his hands until his fingers broke and he could not hang on. However when I looked over the balcony and down, I notice that he had landed in some bushes and was still alive. I then went back into the apartment grabbed my refrigerator carried out to the balcony and heaved it over. Where it landed on top of him and killed him. Due to carrying the fridge I then suffered a heart attack and I died.

St. Peter looks at him for a moment and says:

"Ok, your good you can go on in."

As the first man leaves St. Peter turns to second guy and asks to hear his story. To which the second guy responds:

"Here is the scene. I am tending to my garden on my 26th floor apartment room balcony when I slip on some wet pavement and tumble over the side. I though for sure I was done for when I luckily managed to grab the balcony on the floor below me. I was hanging there fine until some lunatic bursts out of the apartment and starts beating on my hands. Fortunately I was able to hang on until he went back inside and returned with a hammer. He then started pounding on my hands until my fingers broke and I could not possible hang on. I fell to what I though would be my certain death. When to my surprise and shock I landed safely in some heavy bushes. However when I looked back up I saw a refrigerator come slamming down on top of me and did me in. That is how I died."

St. Peter looks for a few long moments and then says to the man:

"All right you can go on in too."

He then turns to the last one and says:

"Ok and just what is your story?"

To which the third man says:

"Ok, picture this. I'm hiding naked in this refrigerator..."
"I used to think the brain was the most amazing organ in the entire body. Then I realized who was telling me this."
If ignorance were painful, half the posters here would be on morphine drips.
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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:43 pm

3 pieces of string who are brothers are walking down a street and come accross a bar that they want to have a few drinks at. So the first string (the youngest) walks in and asks for 3 beers. The bartender looks at him and says "hey, can't you read? We don't serve your kind here" The string then notices the sign "No strings alloud". The youngest string walks outside and tells his older brother the news.

The older brother walks in and says "Hey whats the deal, is our money no good here?" the bartender again points to the sign and asks him to leave.
The older sting walks up to the eldestand wisest of the string brothers and agian tells him that they've been denied based on their string hood.

The oldest string then proceeds to tie himself in a knot and fray the top of his string and walk into the bar. "3 beers please". As the bartender is getting the beers out of the fridge he takes a long stare at the string and says " hey, you're not one of those strings are you?"

to which the eldest string replies , "No sir, im a frayed knot"
(afraid not, get it?)


HAHAHAHAHAH
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steelcity_ballin
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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:44 pm

W.C. Fields, a notorius DRUNK, was once asked by some old woman, "Why don't you drink some water?".

He replied, "Because fish **** in it."

:D I can't even say that story out loud because I crack up every time I think about it. :D
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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:57 pm

Illissius wrote:This one courtesy of bash.org:

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao


i <3 bash.... almost spit my pop out haha niiiiiiiiiice. Even funnier when my dad is a jew. He thought it was funny..

How do you start a downhill jewish marathon? Roll a penny down the hill.....
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steelcity_ballin
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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 4:09 pm

:D
Another:

<Rafa> A Pirate walks into a bar.
<Rafa>The bartender says "Hey youve got a steering wheel in your crotch."
<Malkatov> The pirate says "Arrrr its driving me nuts"


Plenty more where that came from, but perhaps we shouldn't turn this into a bash thread.
Work is punishment for failing to procrastinate effectively.
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Illissius
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Postposted on Fri Jun 18, 2004 4:21 pm

Here is one of my favorites to tell Priests... (and I have never had one that hasn't laughed like crazy).


Jesus, Moses and this Old Man are out playing golf together.

Moses gets up to tee, hits the ball, and it lands right in the water hazard. Moses walks up, parts the water, and chips it onto the green.

Jesus then goes up to tee, hits it, and sure enough - right at the water. This time the ball rolls onto the surface of the water, Jesus walks out on the water and chips it onto the green.

The Old Man, finally his turn, comes up to tee. He hits the ball, and of course, it goes right towards the water. All of the sudden a trout jumps and grabs the ball, an Eagle swoops down and grabs the trout -flies off and then drops the trout on the green. The ball pops out of the trouts mouth and rolls for a Hole-In-One!

Jesus turns to him and says "Ya know Dad, I really wish you would take this game seriously when we play!!"
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Postposted on Mon Jun 21, 2004 12:15 pm

A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body.
“As a doctor, you’ll need to develop two key skills,” the professor begins. “The first is stoicism. You can’t be disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
The professor then rolls the body over, sticks his finger into the corpse’s butt, withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.
“Now do the same,” he instructs.
The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver’s anus and then sucking on it.
When everyone has finished, the professor continues, “The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger. Pay attention.”
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Postposted on Mon Jun 21, 2004 1:07 pm

JavaDog wrote:A group of first-year medical students...”


Ugh! Gag!
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Postposted on Mon Jun 21, 2004 1:15 pm

that is a good one. :lol:
have you seen it
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Postposted on Fri Jun 25, 2004 1:42 am

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"

10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

and THE best one

11. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
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Postposted on Fri Jun 25, 2004 2:01 am

Bellville Farms
Home of "The Udder Cola"

Hillbilly Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a North Georgia Mountain couple decided that 11 was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in the North Georgia Mountains), light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The redneck said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:



1



2



3



4



5



At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.


This procedure also works in Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, West Virginia and most places in Texas
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Postposted on Fri Jun 25, 2004 2:33 am

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked:

"Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresco. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.
You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . .."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowlof crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow, the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."
If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary. -- Mark Twain

Never have so many understood so little about so much. -- James Burke
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E-mail

Postposted on Sun Jun 27, 2004 5:42 pm

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the inappropriate behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When that angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So while he was debating what to do about the 95%, He decided to E-mail the 5% who were good to encourage them .. give them a little something to help them keep going...

Do you know what that E-mail said?

No?


I didn't get one either
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Sunday morning sex

Postposted on Sun Jun 27, 2004 5:57 pm

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing to strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, used a tissue to wipe away a tear, then continued, "and if the damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
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Postposted on Mon Jun 28, 2004 1:09 pm

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"
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Postposted on Wed Jun 30, 2004 1:50 am

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says,

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo.

Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What's it tell you, Tonto?"

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi, you dumb ass. Someone has stolen tent".
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Postposted on Thu Jul 01, 2004 11:46 am

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.
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Postposted on Thu Jul 01, 2004 12:30 pm

two men walk into a bar....
one ducked.
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Postposted on Thu Jul 01, 2004 12:35 pm

q: how can you tell if a blondes used your computer?
a: the joystick's all wet
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blonde puzzle

Postposted on Sat Jul 03, 2004 4:10 pm

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me...
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in
and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her
and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able
to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a
drink, then ..." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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Postposted on Tue Jul 06, 2004 7:52 pm

ANGER MANAGEMENT

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello". I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're a jerk!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'jerk' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a jerk!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'jerk' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window - so, I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first jerk, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW jerk too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes. I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're a jerk." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two jerks to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called jerk #1.

"Hello."

"You're a jerk!" (But I didn't hang up).

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me!" he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"jerk, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beemer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, jerk."

Then I called jerk #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, jerk," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are --"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass!" he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, jerk, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to West 34th Street. There I saw two jerks beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW I feel better.

hummm .. in the original joke the word is a**#013 .. mr. autoeditor replaced it with jerk .. hopefully I have changed all offending instances with "a jerk"
Last edited by farmpuma on Wed Jul 07, 2004 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postposted on Wed Jul 07, 2004 12:48 am

"you're an jerk" should be "you're a jerk"

sorry, that was grating my nerves :evil:
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Postposted on Wed Jul 07, 2004 11:56 pm

a little boy goes up to his dad little boy: daddy is god black or white Dad: both son little boy: daddy is god a boy or a girl Dad: both son little boy: daddy does god love Children? dad:yes son he loves children very much little boy: is god micheal Jackson then?
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Postposted on Thu Jul 08, 2004 8:00 am

The Kind Lawyer Story:

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he
saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered
his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have money
for food," the poor man replied. "Well, then, you can come with me to
my house" the lawyer said.

"But sir , I have a wife and two children with me." "Bring them
along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated,"You come with us also." The
second man then, in a pitiful voice said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered. They all entered the
car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking us all.

The lawyer replied, " Glad to do it.......... You'll love my place; The grass is almost a foot high. "
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Postposted on Thu Jul 08, 2004 8:44 pm

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.
Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."
The mortician thought that was rather strange.
Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two aholes."
"What? He had two aholes?!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two aholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two aholes.'"
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Postposted on Fri Jul 09, 2004 5:53 am

Finally found a couple of good ones from a lads mag (don't fret, they're pretty clean):

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At an airport an a female member of the airline staff is checking the passengers tickets. A strange looking man in an overcoat walks along and when she reaches out to look at his ticket, he pulls his overcoat open and flashes her. Without batting an eyelid, she replies:
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub..."

:-D

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A man is asleep in a cinema, but is lying across three seats. A member of staff notices him and comes across to confront him.

"Sir, I'm afraid that you cannot lie across three seats unless you have paid for them. I'm going to have to ask you to either sit in one seat for the film or leave."

After he gets no response, the guy tries again.

"Sir, I shall have to call the manager if this continues..."

No response, and so he goes to get his manager. After the manager has no luck, they call the police.

"Where have you come from?" Says the policeman.

"The balcony"

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Quick UK footballing one:

George Bush has decided that Saddam Hussein needs to be put in a place where he is no longer a threat to anyone.

He's playing upfront for Leeds.

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"Thank you, thank you, and good night" :-D,
-Mole
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Postposted on Sat Jul 10, 2004 8:40 pm

A farmer was sitting on his porch one day when a young man drove in and came up to the porch. "Sir, I was driving by and noticed you had a lot of milk weed in your pasture. Would you mind if I went out and got some milk?"

"You don't get milk from milk weed!" the farmer replied. "Oh yes," said the young man. "I have a degree in Agriculture from Kansas State University so I know all about it." "Well, help yourself," said the farmer. He soon saw the young man coming back to his car with two buckets full of milk.

The next day the farmer was again sitting on his porch when the same young man drove up. "Sir, yesterday when I was getting milk, I noticed you had some honeysuckle in the fence row. I wondered if you would mind if I got some honey?"

"You don't get honey from honeysuckle!" said the farmer. Again the young man explained about his degree so the farmer agreed to let him collect some honey. Soon the young man came back to his car with two buckets full of honey.

The next day the same young man drove up to the farmer's house. "Sir, yesterday when I was getting the honey, I noticed you had some pussy willow down by the creek."

The farmer said, "Let me get my shoes and I'll go with you."
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Postposted on Sat Jul 10, 2004 9:23 pm

z-man wrote:Three guys die and go to heaven. When they meet St. Peter at the pearly gates, he says to them:

"Listen we are super busy today and unless you had a really bad day or a tragic death. I can't let you in. You'll be forced to wait in limbo for a few centuries."

He then turns to the first guy:

"Ok let's hear your story."

To which the first guy responds:

"All right I had found out that my wife had been cheating on me. So I took an early lunch from work. When I arrived at my 25th floor apartment I knew as soon as I walked in that he was still there. So I ran around the apartment looking for him. Checking everywhere. When I couldn't find him I ran out onto the balcony and I noticed two hands hanging onto the concrete railing. Well I ran up to them and started beating on them to get him to let go. When he wouldn't I ran back into my apartment, grabbed a hammer, ran back out and smashed his hands until his fingers broke and he could not hang on. However when I looked over the balcony and down, I notice that he had landed in some bushes and was still alive. I then went back into the apartment grabbed my refrigerator carried out to the balcony and heaved it over. Where it landed on top of him and killed him. Due to carrying the fridge I then suffered a heart attack and I died.

St. Peter looks at him for a moment and says:

"Ok, your good you can go on in."

As the first man leaves St. Peter turns to second guy and asks to hear his story. To which the second guy responds:

"Here is the scene. I am tending to my garden on my 26th floor apartment room balcony when I slip on some wet pavement and tumble over the side. I though for sure I was done for when I luckily managed to grab the balcony on the floor below me. I was hanging there fine until some lunatic bursts out of the apartment and starts beating on my hands. Fortunately I was able to hang on until he went back inside and returned with a hammer. He then started pounding on my hands until my fingers broke and I could not possible hang on. I fell to what I though would be my certain death. When to my surprise and shock I landed safely in some heavy bushes. However when I looked back up I saw a refrigerator come slamming down on top of me and did me in. That is how I died."

St. Peter looks for a few long moments and then says to the man:

"All right you can go on in too."

He then turns to the last one and says:

"Ok and just what is your story?"

To which the third man says:

"Ok, picture this. I'm hiding naked in this refrigerator..."


I know this is a page ago, but that must be my new favorite joke! ROTFLMFAO (barely exaggerating) I have my previous favorite one that I'll post but I need to read the others first!
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