The MacHole Christmas gift giver’s guide 2009

Today is Sunday, November 29, 2009. Although we are two days past Black Friday, we do not call today Black Sunday. That moniker is reserved for a sweet John Frankenheimer film from 1977 in which terrorists attack the Super Bowl with the Goodyear blimp. Really.

Anyway, ’tis the season for pundits of all stripes to offer their 2009 Christmas gift guides. Of course, no one will dare call them "Christmas gift guides" for fear of offending the Druids. Not I. I believe the best defense is being offensive. Similarly, I’m not going to offer advice on what Mac-centric (or Centris) items you should purloin for the undeserving relatives and/or pimps on your list. Because Christmas isn’t about giving Uncle Larry a spangling new iPod shuffle and watching him struggle for hours just to turn it on (well, it might be little bit about that); no, Christmas is about what you can give strange bloggers who bring nothing but joy or at least a chance to make a tool of yourself in the comments section several times throughout the year. Specifically, for the Windows 3.1 hangers-on out there, this strange blogger.

A couple of notes. First, asking for a new system is a bit obvious. Of course you’ll get me a new system. Probably two, actually, since having both a Mac Pro and MacBook Pro is quite handy. Second, I assume many of you are independently wealthy given the amount time you have dedicated to questioning my sexuality, so I’ve set no limits on prices.

Jason’s 2009 MacHole Christmas Gift Guide of What Gifts to Give Jason, Vol. I

Item: Magic Mouse

Manufacturer: Apple

MSRP: $69.99

I finally got a chance to sample Apple’s new Magic Mouse at a Best Buy on Black Friday. (I went at 3 p.m. when the store was relatively busy, but not violent. Well, not any more than usual.) I must say, it’s very nice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up. For me. Despite many people’s claims that the mouse is too shallow for comfortable use, I found the size to be a non-issue. Even for my creepy, spindly phalanges. The scroll-by-swipe was smooth and everything just seemed to work, which is always nifty. Only disappointment: the mouse refused to cast a cloaking spell around a 52" Samsung LED LCD I was hoping to take home. You know, for review purposes.

Item: 30-inch Cinema Display

Manufacturer: Apple

MSRP: $1799

I’m still rocking a 17-inch Hitachi 4:3 flat screen from 2003. Max resolution? 1280 x 1024. Sure, I’ve got it hooked up to my MacBook Pro so I’ve got two monitors, but still. Lamer than your boss at open mic night. So hook me up, yo. I know there are cheaper 30-inchers out there. Maybe even a couple that would compete with or even beat this display. But as long as I’m spending your money, why not? And why not throw in a $265 Targus privacy filter, too? Keep those prying eyes from HR away from my YTMND creations.

Item: iPod Socks

Manufacturer: Apple

MSRP: $29

I don’t want these for my iPod. Or even to attempt putting on cats for what would assuredly be a YouTube smash. No, I want the Rainbow Coalition of cotton blends for one simple reason: They make outstanding homemade blackjacks.

Item: Quarters

Manufacturer: U.S. Mint

MSRP: $50

For the aforementioned socks. I know some of you might be tempted to substitute nickels or even fifty-cent pieces, to which I say, feel free. As long as you don’t mind discovering why I prefer quarters.

Item: Twelfth Anniversary Twentieth Anniversary Mac

Manufacturer: Apple and Whatsyername

MSRP: About $800 on eBay plus the cost of a Bedazzler

Don’t just get me an underperforming (for the time), overpriced (even now) piece of Macintosh history – make it sparkle! It’s been 12 years since the TAM appeared to collective gasps of WTF back when "WTF" still meant "why two frijoles?" If you’re feeling jaunty, go nuts and replace its guts with the i7 iMac’s innards. Might need a few more fans.

Item: Mercury Rack Pro Quad Interface 8TB 1U Selectable RAID

Manufacturer: Other World Computing

MSRP: $1,999

Screw it. I’m done buying a new hard drive every so often as needs accrue. I want something that’ll last me at least until 2013, is stupid fast, has a bunch of interfaces I’ll never use, has vaguely pornographic-sounding "hot swappable" drives and gives me an excuse to buy an aging rack from Gus’s Used PCs & RCs. I’ve bought a lot of gear from OWC through the years and now I’m giving you the privilege of continuing that patronage.

Item: Steve Jobs’s Liver

Manufacturer: The Lord

MSRP: Whatever the dude with the cooler will take

Don’t forget the fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Well, there you go, my personal Kris Kringles. Of course, assorted bits of RAM, lasers and VR systems are always welcome. Just don’t go all Burgermeister Meisterburger on me. Remember, I’m deadly with a sock.

Later,

Fox

Comments closed
    • potatochobit
    • 10 years ago

    I ordered a new car stereo as a gift
    supposedly it can charge and play music from the iphone at the same time
    and it has bluetooth and an in car microphone for hands free calling
    its been about 10 years since I last installed a car stereo, w

    • shaq_mobile
    • 10 years ago

    refreshing parody! a few good chuckles 🙂

    hope you had a good xgiving.

    • flip-mode
    • 10 years ago

    I must admin, this blog entry went over my head.

    • Ricardo Dawkins
    • 10 years ago

    My first LCD monitor will be a Samsung that is 8in smaller than the Cinema but 1K cheaper. Such overpriced hardware.

    searching for the price of that DELL 30″ display…

      • Kurkotain
      • 10 years ago

      1100 – 1300

    • SomeOtherGeek
    • 10 years ago

    Hey Fox,

    Get them all! If you have the money for one, go for broke and get them all.

    Anyway, I laughed thru most of it, thanks for making my day!

    • MadManOriginal
    • 10 years ago

    How many of the people talking about the Cinema Display versus the Dell have used both to know which is better and in what ways?

      • robg1701
      • 10 years ago

      I have an HP 30″ and I saw the 30″ Cinema Display in store today, I would say that yes it is showing its age. In fact, im pretty damn sure its the oldest model of anything Apple sell right now by a long way, I dont think its been updated for what, 4 years? 5?

      Given the price of the new 27″ iMac, which basically uses a 16:9 variant of a 16:10 30″ screen, I think an LED equipped 27-30″ Cinema Display must be coming pretty soon now, surely? Seems a bit crazy if it isnt.

    • d0g_p00p
    • 10 years ago

    Why anyone would choose the Apple 30″ Cinema display over the Dell 30″ Ultrasharp is beyond me.

      • SomeOtherGeek
      • 10 years ago

      Hey, you have to think that you have the Apple lifestyle to understand. It is all about the name. A mac is nothing without an Apple monitor.

        • ImSpartacus
        • 10 years ago

        You know, I am just the opposite. I was looking on Colorware just to see how much it would be to paint over the apple on the back of my MBP13.

        Everyone treats you differently when you have a macbook. They know it cost you an arm and a leg.

      • blastdoor
      • 10 years ago

      I won’t buy the apple 30″ because it’s old and overpriced. But I wouldn’t buy the Dell either for an admittedly superficial reason — I don’t want to look at the word DELL every frickin’ day of my life.

      How does a Samsung compare?

        • adisor19
        • 10 years ago

        You can put some duct tape on that. Problem solved.

        Adi

          • MadManOriginal
          • 10 years ago

          There’s a tape for that.

          • blastdoor
          • 10 years ago

          Or maybe I could finally find a use for those big apple stickers that are always included with every apple thing I buy 🙂

        • dpaus
        • 10 years ago

        We use the Samsungs and have been very happy with them.

          • blastdoor
          • 10 years ago

          awesome — thanks!

    • axeman
    • 10 years ago

    1280×1024 is actually 5:4 aspect ratio unless the screen uses non-square pixels, which is pretty rare. It’s the red-headed step child of resolutions which came into existence mostly because of VRAM size limitations. Just about every common resolution is 4:3 , 16:9 or 16:10

      • Meadows
      • 10 years ago

      I believe he said the _[

        • axeman
        • 10 years ago

        If he means LCD by “flat screen” and the maximum resolution is 1280×1024, it’s not a 4:3 screen, that was my point.

          • Meadows
          • 10 years ago

          And my point was it could as well be a CRT according to the information.

    • adisor19
    • 10 years ago

    Why would anyone buy the Apple 30″ display when it pales in comparison with the Dell 30″ in both price AND image quality. Really, besides the nice design and the fire wire hub/switch, it’s got nothing else going for it.

    Adi

    • PRIME1
    • 10 years ago

    Ah… to be young, rich and an Apple fan……

    l[

      • setzer
      • 10 years ago

      i think he’s talking about the original liver 😛

        • Meadows
        • 10 years ago

        I think that was manufactured by either him or his parents, depending on how you look at fetuses.
        Giving credit to “the Lord” instead is pretty much insulting both of the above.

      • Hattig
      • 10 years ago

      There was no queue jumping, livers are given out in strict order in the states, regardless of the status of the receiver.

      I just hope that SJ has given a suitable donation back to the medical community to improve transplant accessibility for everyone.

      I think I’d rather get a 27″ Apple display with a built in computer than the stupidly expensive 30″ Apple display.

        • d0g_p00p
        • 10 years ago

        That’s not true at all. I just watched something on 60 minutes about how people with more money or status have a much higher chance to receive a organ transplant vs a ordinary person. They had interviews with 4 widows who’s husbands did not get their transplants because they were given out to people with more money who made “donations” to the hospital and paid a much higher price than the people who were suppose to receive the organ transplants.

        Sorry I did not mean to derail the topic.

          • SubSeven
          • 10 years ago

          Absolutely true. Money talks. If you’ve got the means, you’ll get the organ before others that have waited longer than you. Whatever hospitals and officials may say about fairness and all that other stuff about disregarding status, that’s plain baloney. Throw some money in the right direction and you’ll find that computer showing you as first in line for the organ.

          • Rakhmaninov3
          • 10 years ago

          I’m still shocked that people are surprised by this. Medicine is like anything else–pay more, get more, faster. Fair? Of course not. Totally predictable? Yes.

          On the other hand, having liver failure NOW and needing a new liver NOW isn’t fair, either. Neither is letting a former alcoholic get a liver before someone with an unpredictable disease like Jobs, but it happens all the time. There’s a lot of B$ in this world.

          As soon as someone finds a place where life is totally fair, post it on TR!

    • Nibien
    • 10 years ago

    “I know there are cheaper 30-inchers out there. Maybe even a couple that would compete with or even beat this display. But as long as I’m spending your money, why not?”

    Ah, the Apple mindset in short.

    • Meadows
    • 10 years ago

    g{

    • MadManOriginal
    • 10 years ago

    I lol’d. Bit I was fully especting to read something about the ‘religion of Apple’ in the second paragraph. 🙁

    p.s. Fag! :p

    • ImSpartacus
    • 10 years ago

    This is just so corny…

    Wow…

    Oh and buy a new monitor! I got a cheap 24″ 1080p Dell S2409W for $200 on sale earlier this Summer. It won’t win any color accuracy awards, but it’s wonderful for editing two word docs beside each other.

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