Preparing for the extra-absorbent iPad

Thought I'd take a break from my now weeks-long odyssey into building a Hackintosh (look for three-part series of write-ups in—please, dear Lord—the not-so-distant future) to inform the 16 "dudes" out there still searching for the hot babes from the Evora banner ads that Apple will be releasing its long-awaited, long-gestating Newton 3.0 tablet device on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 A.D.


Okay, in this case, that's a pretty good probably. All sorts of super-confirmed reports from unnamed sources (I propose going ahead and naming all such sources Gerald "Under the" Gunderson) point to Wednesday as T-Day for the tablet. And, frankly, it'd be a bit shocking if an event for which Apple invited the press to "come see our newest creation" wasn't about a tablet but, instead, the company's new Apple Microwave "hobby" device. Sure to be hackable via a USB stick soon.

So just what will the iSlate (a term from one of Apple's many copyright filings) have, do and spew? Will it destroy the netbook market in one, fell blow? Will it feature laser holography capable of telling Mark Hamill aficionados across the globe that Obi Wan Kenobi is its only hope? Cure the heartbreak of psoriasis? No; please, God, no; and maybe.

The general consensus based on data more reliable than CRU's is that the iSlate will be around 10-inches diagonally, be of some killer unibody construction, feature two docks for easy landscape and portrait docking, use both Wi-Fi and 3G (if you're willing to pay for the latter), and automatically laugh every time it senses a Kindle within 20 feet. Yay!!!!!

In an earlier post about iSlate hysteria, I said I couldn't see much personal value in the iSlate. I hope I am wrong on this point. I mean, I know I'll think it's cool and hep and rad and gnarly and all, but I'll still need a compelling reason to lay down some serious cash that I don't currently have for a device a don't think I currently need. I'm sure thousands of people out there will not share my reservations. I hope one of them lets me borrow their iSlate for review and then doesn't realize I've returned a bedazzled Etch-a-Sketch in its place.

Anyway, Wednesday may also see the release or announcement of iPhone OS 4 that Gerald Gunderson swears has real multitasking built-in. Now that's something I could really use. There's nothing worse than having to interrupt a game of Crush the Castle to text my boss that "I'm working on it." And no, I never have any idea what "it" is. Neither does he.

Unfortunately, I'll be in a client presentation during Wednesday's unveiling and thus won't be able to annoyingly hit "refresh" on the live-feed sites even though they plead with me not to. Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Sorry, that's the only power I have these days.

But you? You go ahead and enjoy the announcement. Here's hoping for a seismic shift in portable computing devices at least impressive enough to distract me from kext files for a few days.



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