Preparing for the extra-absorbent iPad

Thought I’d take a break from my now weeks-long odyssey into building a Hackintosh (look for three-part series of write-ups in—please, dear Lord—the not-so-distant future) to inform the 16 “dudes” out there still searching for the hot babes from the Evora banner ads that Apple will be releasing its long-awaited, long-gestating Newton 3.0 tablet device on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 A.D.

Probably.

Okay, in this case, that’s a pretty good probably. All sorts of super-confirmed reports from unnamed sources (I propose going ahead and naming all such sources Gerald “Under the” Gunderson) point to Wednesday as T-Day for the tablet. And, frankly, it’d be a bit shocking if an event for which Apple invited the press to “come see our newest creation” wasn’t about a tablet but, instead, the company’s new Apple Microwave “hobby” device. Sure to be hackable via a USB stick soon.

So just what will the iSlate (a term from one of Apple’s many copyright filings) have, do and spew? Will it destroy the netbook market in one, fell blow? Will it feature laser holography capable of telling Mark Hamill aficionados across the globe that Obi Wan Kenobi is its only hope? Cure the heartbreak of psoriasis? No; please, God, no; and maybe.

The general consensus based on data more reliable than CRU’s is that the iSlate will be around 10-inches diagonally, be of some killer unibody construction, feature two docks for easy landscape and portrait docking, use both Wi-Fi and 3G (if you’re willing to pay for the latter), and automatically laugh every time it senses a Kindle within 20 feet. Yay!!!!!

In an earlier post about iSlate hysteria, I said I couldn’t see much personal value in the iSlate. I hope I am wrong on this point. I mean, I know I’ll think it’s cool and hep and rad and gnarly and all, but I’ll still need a compelling reason to lay down some serious cash that I don’t currently have for a device a don’t think I currently need. I’m sure thousands of people out there will not share my reservations. I hope one of them lets me borrow their iSlate for review and then doesn’t realize I’ve returned a bedazzled Etch-a-Sketch in its place.

Anyway, Wednesday may also see the release or announcement of iPhone OS 4 that Gerald Gunderson swears has real multitasking built-in. Now that’s something I could really use. There’s nothing worse than having to interrupt a game of Crush the Castle to text my boss that “I’m working on it.” And no, I never have any idea what “it” is. Neither does he.

Unfortunately, I’ll be in a client presentation during Wednesday’s unveiling and thus won’t be able to annoyingly hit “refresh” on the live-feed sites even though they plead with me not to. Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Sorry, that’s the only power I have these days.

But you? You go ahead and enjoy the announcement. Here’s hoping for a seismic shift in portable computing devices at least impressive enough to distract me from kext files for a few days.

Later,

Fox

Comments closed
    • derFunkenstein
    • 10 years ago

    Amazing how many of the rumors came true.

    • JdL
    • 10 years ago

    Good call on the name guys. Apple officially unveiled it as “iPad” today. Probably didn’t read your post 🙂

    • Anonim1979
    • 10 years ago

    But we know already that it is; NEW Revolutionary Laptop:

    §[<http://www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary<]§ Simply MUST HAVE.

      • Krogoth
      • 10 years ago

      Prophetic!

    • ImSpartacus
    • 10 years ago

    I have psoriasis…

    I can haz tablet cure?

    • internetsandman
    • 10 years ago

    I can’t wait to read your write up on the hackintosh you’re building. I’m just getting the money together to build mine, I’m interested to see what you’ve done differently or similar to me.

      • d0g_p00p
      • 10 years ago

      Does not sound like his is goign well. I built my ‘hack in a single day with a retail disk and no ktext editing. The only thing that did not work out of the box was the audio. I picked up a $20 iMic and all was well after that.

        • derFunkenstein
        • 10 years ago

        Yeah, if you pay attention to what you buy, you can go from parts to a completely set up build in about 2 hours.

    • kvndoom
    • 10 years ago

    I see you also use the Pilot G2. Awesome pens, if I must say. And I feel I must.

      • Veerappan
      • 10 years ago

      I agree.

      I’ve got a stash of them at home as well. It’s one of only two pen types that I’ve ever bothered purchasing refills for.

    • Galvnze
    • 10 years ago

    As a company, Apple is successful. They have plenty of people willing to buy their product, they have brand recognition, a reputation for building quality products, etc etc.

    But honestly, I hope they don’t expect the public to compare Kindles and nooks with this new device. An e-reader should not consume much power, thus one can read lots and lots of books on maybe one charge every two weeks. No matter what kind of magic elves they stuffed into this new iSlate/iPad, I do not see it working over 4-6 hours on a charge. It pains me to think how the news media will make this comparison – over and over and over and over again.

    Watching movies, playing music, and making favorite apps bigger and more, well, more bigger? Yes. It’ll do all that. And save you from earthquakes, too, apparently.

    • Thresher
    • 10 years ago

    I would be very surprised if they carry the iMeme forward to this product. Not saying it’s not possible, but that trend has about worn itself out and Jobs is pretty good at figuring out when a trend is played out and moving on.

    Still, I would look forward to this product as long as they aren’t trying to shoehorn a full Mac onto a tablet. It just doesn’t lend itself to the desktop GUI model. The metaphor that Apple has come up with the iPhone and iTouch would probably need a bit of expansion for a device of this size, but the desktop OS metaphor just doesn’t work on something that you hold in your hands to operate.

    • DrDillyBar
    • 10 years ago

    You can have any colour you want, as long as it’s white.

      • Ditiris
      • 10 years ago

      I recall my father saying something similar to my sisters…

    • Ricardo Dawkins
    • 10 years ago

    So, now do you want pen input for the mighty iPad ?
    LOL

    • Meadows
    • 10 years ago
      • derFunkenstein
      • 10 years ago

      it goes until you hit the brakes. Kind of like the Need for Speed games for the Wii.

        • wesley96
        • 10 years ago

        Or iPhone, for that matter. Hmm…

      • SomeOtherGeek
      • 10 years ago

      LMAO! +9000

    • dragmor
    • 10 years ago

    Are you sure you want to write a series of articles about how you broke Apples EULA? Basically giving them an open and shut case against you if they take you to court.

      • Farting Bob
      • 10 years ago

      Did i miss the part where he is selling hackintoshes as well? Because doing so for your own use is perfectly fine, although you can forget about that warrenty.

      • steelcity_ballin
      • 10 years ago

      Apple even embraces the DIYSers out there, as mentioned, he’s not reselling it.

    • ssidbroadcast
    • 10 years ago

    btw, good choice in pens. That’s a Pilot G-2 in the cover image there.

      • Farting Bob
      • 10 years ago

      And a good choice on paper. Thats lined paper there.

        • Mourmain
        • 10 years ago

        With those lovingly rounded corners… mm.

      • JustAnEngineer
      • 10 years ago

      I’m not a fan of the Pilot G-2. The classic Parker Jotter does a better job and still costs under $5 from your local office supply warehouse.

        • paulWTAMU
        • 10 years ago

        G2s tend to smudge and they leak like no one’s business. I’m still looking for a pen I really like that isn’t an arm and a leg. Until then I’ll use free ones from conventions 😀

      • derFunkenstein
      • 10 years ago

      The penis mightier.

        • no51
        • 10 years ago

        i think he gets all his pens from §[<http://www.penisland.net<]§

          • adisor19
          • 10 years ago

          ZOMG best URL evar !

          Adi

    • Voldenuit
    • 10 years ago
    • eitje
    • 10 years ago

    “Here’s hoping for a seismic shift…” in San Francisco?

    Oh, there’s a horrible thing that one could say, there…

      • ssidbroadcast
      • 10 years ago

      “Does it go in the butt?” -Homer.

    • MadManOriginal
    • 10 years ago

    Humorous post but kind of a sad insight into a Machead’s thought process. “Even though I can’t think of a use for it, and have already outlined why ‘I couldn’t see much personal value in the iSlate,’ I really really care about it and want it to do well and will end up wanting one anyway even with what I don’t know at this point.” Funny.

      • ssidbroadcast
      • 10 years ago

      ^^Ding ding. I can’t help but think that while his intentions are good, he really is just reinforcing the stereotype at the expense of the rest of us.

      TR should only have ONE myopic, unfaltering, logic-breaking apple fanboi, and I believe *[

        • MadManOriginal
        • 10 years ago

        Yeah but adisor never got a blog :p

          • ssidbroadcast
          • 10 years ago

          That’s because there /[

          • adisor19
          • 10 years ago

          Your prayers have been answered or not..

          §[<http://web.me.com/adisor19/Adis_blogz0rz_take_2/Blog/Blog.html<]§ Adi

            • MadManOriginal
            • 10 years ago

            By ‘get a blog’ I meant actually have a real blog on a respected commercial site like TR, not some rinkidink ‘look at me’ garbage that you set up on your own. 😉

            • Meadows
            • 10 years ago

            Jesus, you can’t even spell right.

            • adisor19
            • 10 years ago

            Yeah, it’s not my forte..

            Adi

            • Meadows
            • 10 years ago

            You gotta do that to have a quality blog. Heck, at least capitalise “I”, drop the 4chanspeak and stop pushing spacebar before punctuation.

            • adisor19
            • 10 years ago

            Thanks for the constructive comment. There is definitely room for improvement. (better spell checker should be a start)

            Adi

        • Corrado
        • 10 years ago

        You don’t wish that its something thats really super awesome and does everything you want it to do? Hell, I wish EVERY product EVER was like that. I didn’t like the iPhone. Didn’t think I needed one, as I had a WinMo phone, then a BlackBerry, then another BlackBerry… and then I got an iPod Touch. Well, let me tell you, that the iPod Touch did everything that I wanted my other devices to do, except have a constant data connection. So I went out of my way and got an iPhone and sold the iPod Touch to cover the costs incurred with switching. I’ve never looked back.

        If I could get a 10″ device that let me browse the web in high resolution (higher res than the iPhone that is), let me check my email, IM, listen to music and watch movies, well then by George, I want one. Sure I have a netbook and a laptop and a desktop, but if I could do it all with a smaller, lighter device with longer battery life, then why not? I don’t want it merely because its ‘Apple’. I want it because it does what I want such a device to do. If it turns out to not do those things, then I don’t want it and won’t buy it simply because its Apple. The idea of a truly usable, versatile tablet PC has been around for YEARS. The fact that Apple is bring us (hopefully) the first consumer friendly, usable tablet, with an OS designed for a touch interface is inconsequential to the fact that theres going to be a consumer friendly, usable tablet with an OS designed for a touch interface.

          • derFunkenstein
          • 10 years ago

          I completely see where you’re coming from – I’m no where you were. I didn’t even know I wanted a device that does what the iPod Touch does until my wife got one. Now I use it all the time – social networking, games, youtube, web surfing, RSS reader, email…hell, I even use it as a metronome and tune my guitar with it in a pinch thanks to ClearTune and a thumbtack mic I got for $12 on Amazon. It’s like the PS3’s ad says, it only does everything. Except for the constant network connection.

          The thing is, I can’t bring myself to do all those things on my phone; if I kill the battery doing all that superfluous stuff, I can’t call anyone. So I’ll still carry two devices – it’s just now this thing is one of them.

      • ludi
      • 10 years ago

      Pardon me, sir, but your cynic is showing.

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