Mr. Sheen, your VD is here

That’s right, iPhone fans and AT&T haters, it’s Verizon Day for the iPhone, and today is the day you, yes you, can order an iPhone. Assuming you’re a current Verizon customer who is either out of contract or uses C-notes as handi-wipes. Potential switchers must endure six more days if they want to order online or a full week if they want to make “can you hear me now” jokes in a stucco-and-bailing-wire Verizon store.

Currently, there is a metric boatload of Verizon iPhone 4 reviews floating around the web (the metric boatload is roughly 113% larger than an English Imperial boatload.) You may find these reviews in one handy location here. Being the lowest-rung Apple pundit (de-emphasis on pun) troll the Algorenet, I do not have a Verizon iPhone 4 to review for your pleasure today. And probably not tomorrow. Which is okay, because I can summarize pretty much every review that’s out there in just a few short lines:

  1. The Verizon iPhone 4 looks remarkably similar to the AT&T version! It even feels the same!
  2. The mute switch has moved south a few millimeters, so your fancy bamboo case probably won’t fit. CDMA sux!
  3. If you live in an area where AT&T coverage blows (which, according to Snopes, is not the entire North American continent), the Verizon iPhone drops fewer calls. CDMA rocks!
  4. Due to limitations with CDMA, the Verizon iPhone 4 cannot transmit data and voice at the same time, so no more reading The Onion while on a speakerphone conference call. CDMA sux!
  5. Good luck using the CDMA iPhone overseas, Jean Claude. CDMA blows!
  6. The Verizon iPhone can act as a mobile hotspot, unlike (until February 13) the AT&T version. CDMA rocks softly!
  7. Many people are experiencing slower data throughput on the Verizon phone. CDMA sux!
  8. The Verizon iPhone 4 doesn’t run on AT&T’s network, just Verizon’s. CDMA rocks!

And scene.

You may think the deciding factor would be price. Ha! Price as a competitive advantage? How very Sam Walton of you. You know what the price difference would be if my wife and I switch to Verizon when our contracts are up in June? A giant barrel of bupkis, that’s what. And we get rollover minutes with AT&T. Of which we’ve used five in the last 18 months. That’s a $2.00 savings any fan of “Better Off Dead” would appreciate.

So, in the end, it comes down to which network you hate less. In my case, I’ll stick with AT&T. Where I live, dropped calls are so infrequent I usually assume the fault lies on the other end of the line. Also, I hate Verizon. My wife was a Verizon customer for years, and I switched to it from T-Mobile (who always treated me well) after we got married for reasons I no longer recall. Verizon’s customer service was horrible, we often had to call about mystery fees (a practice for which the FCC eventually busted them), and did I mention their customer service was horrible? AT&T is no pocketful of sunshine, but at least I know up front how much they plan on hosing me.

As always, your results may vary.

—-

In other news, Steve Jobs has taken another medical leave of absence, which has sent the tech speculators into a speculative tizzy. What’s wrong with Steve now? Will he need another transplant? Will he return as part organic Steve and part Imagineered robot possibly using parts from the Magic Kingdom’s Hall of Presidents? Without Jobs, will Apple become the Coby Electronics of the computing industry? Huh? Will it? Yeah?

Dunno, dunno, I hope he gets Andrew Jackson’s hair, no.

Chill out, people. Yes, Steve is a great leader, and I’m sure he has great ideas about products and features and whatnot. But even without Steve at the helm, the good ship Apple is not going to contract a collective case of Legionnaires’ disease and revert back to the days of Scully and Amelio. Tim Cook may not have the charisma of Jobs, but all he has to do is trot out Johnny Ive and his British accent to overcome that come keynote time.

Personally, I wouldn’t mind the company nose-diving a bit so the stock becomes devalued. Then, Jobs can return for a third time and use his Andrew Jackson hair to power the company to even greater heights. Perhaps with a Retina Display that actually attaches to your retina. Just a thought.

Later,

Fox

Comments closed
    • rika13
    • 9 years ago

    Don’t worry about Steve, Martin Sheen will rebuild him with cybernetics just the way he was in order to fight a threat that 99.9% of people refuse to believe exists, useful products.

    • axeman
    • 9 years ago

    +1 for mentioning epic 80’s movie.
    A+ blog post would read again.

    • link626
    • 9 years ago

    what a buzzkill.
    everyone got all excited for a minute.

    now you have to choose the lesser of 2 big evils.

    • Rakhmaninov3
    • 9 years ago

    I signed another 2-year contract with T-Mobile because I like them a lot…I’ve taken my smartphone all over the place and haven’t had any issues with dropped calls, and the 3G network is reliably fast. And their customer service people are native English speakers and fixed my one problem in about 1 minute with a pleasant attitude. If they ever get the iPhone I might upgrade to it next time but I don’t think I’m going to change carriers barring major changes to how things are now.

      • Bauxite
      • 9 years ago

      Why a contract? I’ve saved a lot more than any of their phone rebates and its not even close to my second year on the own your own phone/no contract plan. Their high speed coverage is great in my area too.

    • UberGerbil
    • 9 years ago

    And here — since this was Mr. Fox — I assumed this post would be about [url=http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Vampire-Diaries-Catch-VD-Ads.jpg<]Vampire Diaries[/url<] (or at least their ads).

      • Palek
      • 9 years ago

      When I first read the headline I was wondering how Jason would connect Charlie Sheen and VD with the world of Mac.

        • derFunkenstein
        • 9 years ago

        Yeah that’s what I was doing too. Verizon Day, it makes so much sense. :p

      • khands
      • 9 years ago

      I thought it was Venereal Disease.

        • link626
        • 9 years ago

        my first thought too. You read “sheen”, and automatically think of pornstars and STD’s.

        so VD stands for verizon day? wtf?

    • Corrado
    • 9 years ago

    Verizon also announced today that if you’re in the top 5% of users of bandwidth, they WILL throttle you. Back in May of 2010, someone did the numbers, and found that 95.x% of users used less than 2GB on Verizon. Meaning, use over 2GB, get throttled.

    AT&T has also said that once their 4G phones launch, they will be upping the cap to 4GB if you have tethering. So $40 for 4GB @ HSPA speeds (with hotspot and tethering) or $30 for ‘Unlimited’ with a 2GB softcap before the already slow data speeds get slower. You also can tether/hotspot without having to worry that someone will call you and knock you off your interwebs.

      • thesmileman
      • 9 years ago

      Verizon’s top 5% of users in bandwidth will probably include 95% of all iPhone users.

        • Corrado
        • 9 years ago

        The average iPhone user uses less data than the average Verizon SmartPhone user.

        [url<]http://www.crn.com/news/client-devices/226300173/verizon-smartphone-users-overtake-at-t-iphone-users-in-wireless-data-use.htm;jsessionid=BC9YhvZ51qPx6RnLXqX6bw**.ecappj01[/url<] "The average wireless data consumption for Verizon Wireless smartphone users is now at 421 MBs per month, compared to 338 MBs per month for iPhone users, Validas said. However, those numbers are only averages. The disparity arises from the fact that over 11 percent of Verizon Wireless smartphone users consume 500 MBs to 1 GB of data per month, compared to only 5.6 percent of iPhone users, Validas said. Over 4 percent of Verizon Wireless smartphone customers consume more than 2 GBs per month compared to only 1.6 percent of iPhone customers"

      • Forge
      • 9 years ago

      Or, if you planned ahead, you still have $30 AT&T unlimited data, plus MyWi (the software, not the gadget) for tethering. Win!

        • Corrado
        • 9 years ago

        I own MiWi…. but I can’t JB 4.2.1 untethered yet. I like to keep my device up to date, and the extra $15 premium a month is worth that for me. Plus I was already paying $40 on top of my Iphone for a Verizon MiFi, so it doesn’t bother me to drop an extra $25 off a month.

      • DancinJack
      • 9 years ago

      As far as I know it’s always been 5GB soft.

      I’d gladly accept linkage if you have it stating that VZW will softcap at 2GB.

        • Corrado
        • 9 years ago

        Read the link I posted in my reply to thesmileman. Over 4% of smartphone users on Verizon use > 2GB.

        [url<]https://ecache.vzw.com/imageFiles/Myacct/nda/images/docs/VerizonWirelessServiceInformation.pdf[/url<] In this PDF on Verizon's site it states: "If you use an extraordinary amount of data and fall within the top 5% of Verizon Wireless data users we may reduce your data throughput speeds periodically for the remainder of your then current and immediately following billing cycle to ensure high quality network performance for other users at locations and times of peak demand." And the link from above ( [url<]http://www.crn.com/news/client-devices/226300173/verizon-smartphone-users-overtake-at-t-iphone-users-in-wireless-data-use.htm;jsessionid=HF2KufrW4gh9oGKj-XCEKA**.ecappj03[/url<] ) states: "Over 4 percent of Verizon Wireless smartphone customers consume more than 2 GBs per month compared to only 1.6 percent of iPhone customers" From that data, you can extrapolate that the top 5% means if you use more than 2GB per month. Actually a little bit less since LESS than 5% use more than 2GB. "

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