The App Store heads to kindergarten

So Apple's iOS App Store celebrated it's fifth birthday this week, culminating 260 weeks that could be described as arduous, touch-and-go, and fraught with peril unlike any seen since season 4 of Battlestar Galactica when Edward James Olmos finally landed on a nuked-out Earth and stood and delivered a few choice fraks. Except, of course, you'd be wrong in that description. Because if there was ever a business venture poised for success, it was the App Store, which didn't hit for a full year after the first nanogerbil-powered iPhone hit the market.

Naturally, every tech site had a least one article covering the event, with most offering a timeline of the App Store's growth. As of May 2013, over 50 billion apps have been downloaded and at least 33 developers have become semi-instant millionaires based solely on their ability to code realistic fart noises. (No, capitalism isn't always pretty, friends, but I shudder to think of life in a world where I can only enjoy government-approved fake flatulence.) The store also helped push software-as-a-download over the final hurdle, making it the preferred method of both distribution and consumption. Although users of Adobe CC may come to rue that development.

New terms, modes of business, and cultural touchstones also spouted forth in the wake of the App Store. Apple's marketing promised "there's an app for that" long before there actually was. The freemium model angered lovers of the English language everywhere (though not as much as when Kinko's—remember them?—turned "office" into a verb) and proved that giving your kid your phone for ten minutes could be a costly mistake. And ill-tempered fowl took over people's devices and their kids' birthday party decorations. Yes, the App Store even affected the crepe paper industry.

So while there is plenty of cause for honoring the App Store (and its Android, Windows, and Blackberry counterparts), getting all verklempt at little Appy turning five feels a bit forced. It was an accomplishment that my twins turned five last January without having once sent each other to the ER. It was amazing that my wife put up with me for five years (now almost ten) without feeling the need to go Full Oprah on me. Those things are impressive-ish because of the passage of time. The App Store is simply impressive. Not that there's anything wrong with that.


In other news, Apple was found guilty of violating federal anti-trust laws in regards to an e-book price fixing scheme. Those most relieved by this decision are those tech journalists assigned to follow the case. We'll see if this decision drives down any prices on the iBook bookstore. I would think the fact that I bought a Kindle version of a Final Cut Pro X training book from Amazon for 10 bucks less than it is on Apple site might be incentive enough. But apparently not.


My Hackintosh has a new home inside a Corsair Carbide Series 500R case. The USB3 front panel connections cause boot issues, so I've had to use the included USB2 adapter. And my Ethernet no longer works. What moving the innards to a new case did to cause this chicanery, I know not. But the case itself is quite nice, and the multitude of fans is keeping my plethora of hard drives, the SSD, and the CPU much cooler than my old Antec Sonata III 500 ever did. It's also less prone to slicing my fingers. So less fraks slip from lips.


Finally, I time-traveled to 2008 to master a DVD for a client. Tony Parker and Eva Longoria seemed so happy back then. Sigh.



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