The App Store heads to kindergarten

So Apple’s iOS App Store celebrated it’s fifth birthday this week, culminating 260 weeks that could be described as arduous, touch-and-go, and fraught with peril unlike any seen since season 4 of Battlestar Galactica when Edward James Olmos finally landed on a nuked-out Earth and stood and delivered a few choice fraks. Except, of course, you’d be wrong in that description. Because if there was ever a business venture poised for success, it was the App Store, which didn’t hit for a full year after the first nanogerbil-powered iPhone hit the market.

Naturally, every tech site had a least one article covering the event, with most offering a timeline of the App Store’s growth. As of May 2013, over 50 billion apps have been downloaded and at least 33 developers have become semi-instant millionaires based solely on their ability to code realistic fart noises. (No, capitalism isn’t always pretty, friends, but I shudder to think of life in a world where I can only enjoy government-approved fake flatulence.) The store also helped push software-as-a-download over the final hurdle, making it the preferred method of both distribution and consumption. Although users of Adobe CC may come to rue that development.

New terms, modes of business, and cultural touchstones also spouted forth in the wake of the App Store. Apple’s marketing promised "there’s an app for that" long before there actually was. The freemium model angered lovers of the English language everywhere (though not as much as when Kinko’s—remember them?—turned "office" into a verb) and proved that giving your kid your phone for ten minutes could be a costly mistake. And ill-tempered fowl took over people’s devices and their kids’ birthday party decorations. Yes, the App Store even affected the crepe paper industry.

So while there is plenty of cause for honoring the App Store (and its Android, Windows, and Blackberry counterparts), getting all verklempt at little Appy turning five feels a bit forced. It was an accomplishment that my twins turned five last January without having once sent each other to the ER. It was amazing that my wife put up with me for five years (now almost ten) without feeling the need to go Full Oprah on me. Those things are impressive-ish because of the passage of time. The App Store is simply impressive. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

In other news, Apple was found guilty of violating federal anti-trust laws in regards to an e-book price fixing scheme. Those most relieved by this decision are those tech journalists assigned to follow the case. We’ll see if this decision drives down any prices on the iBook bookstore. I would think the fact that I bought a Kindle version of a Final Cut Pro X training book from Amazon for 10 bucks less than it is on Apple site might be incentive enough. But apparently not.

My Hackintosh has a new home inside a Corsair Carbide Series 500R case. The USB3 front panel connections cause boot issues, so I’ve had to use the included USB2 adapter. And my Ethernet no longer works. What moving the innards to a new case did to cause this chicanery, I know not. But the case itself is quite nice, and the multitude of fans is keeping my plethora of hard drives, the SSD, and the CPU much cooler than my old Antec Sonata III 500 ever did. It’s also less prone to slicing my fingers. So less fraks slip from lips.

Finally, I time-traveled to 2008 to master a DVD for a client. Tony Parker and Eva Longoria seemed so happy back then. Sigh.

Later,

Fox

Comments closed
    • dashbarron
    • 6 years ago

    I agree with you Fox. Seems more of hype and drumming than anything.

    I strongly believe that Apple should have and thankfully did loose their anti-trust case. They were adamant from the beginning they did nothing wrong and I think they’re full of posies. If Jobs would have already been dead, maybe they would have quiet settled and moved on. Jobs’ remarks on the matter while he was alive was quite typical of “I can do what I want, why are you picking on me?”

    • gamerguy23099
    • 6 years ago
    • DarkUltra
    • 6 years ago

    Spoiler warning PLEASE.

      • piecerad
      • 6 years ago

      was also my first thought, I’ve watched all of BSG (original and remake), but fear for those whose potential revelations have been prematurely exposed.

        • Diplomacy42
        • 6 years ago

        there was a remake?

      • Chrispy_
      • 6 years ago

      Dumbledore dies.
      Don’t they even teach schoolkids that these days?

      • derFunkenstein
      • 6 years ago

      we’re talking about a show that ended 4 years ago, right?

        • Alexko
        • 6 years ago

        Is there some kind of law that you have to watch shows right when they come out?

    • Duck
    • 6 years ago

    Do you get paid to write these disjointed and incoherent ‘articles’?

      • lilbuddhaman
      • 6 years ago

      Not to be an ass (but I am), I completely agree. Is THIS the product of that “we are looking for writers” post from a few months back? Because frankly Jason, you are unfunny, un-entertaining, and non-informative. Fine to have a blog like this, whatever; but I’ve seen more worthy-of-being-in-the-news-feed work from random commentors on kotaku.

      also: I don’t watch BSG, but spoiler warning geez.

        • peartart
        • 6 years ago

        There should be some sort of newsletter that you can subscribe people who whine about spoiler warnings to.

        • Irascible
        • 6 years ago

        I gotta disagree with you there pudgy prophet. There’s a method to his disjointed madness. I’m not sure what that method is, but I’ve enjoyed trying to figure it out.

        His blog reminds me of Frasier. The character was a pretentious boob with good intentions and an excess of flowery prose. I enjoy Fox’s writing in some of the same ways I enjoyed that TV program’s writing. Perhaps I’m an aspiring pretentious boob. ;^)

      • Bensam123
      • 6 years ago

      Here I thought this was a Apple thing I just didn’t get…

      • someuid
      • 6 years ago

      Good grief. This is a free site. If you don’t like his articles, don’t read them.

    • cynan
    • 6 years ago

    That’s the interesting thing about Anti-trust cases. When a defendant is found guilty, they are fined. But does the money go the consumers who were apparently unjustly parted from extra cash? Does it change market forces put into play by these now long-implemented price-fixing schemes? Hmmm. At least the government gets some money to help offset its legal expenses.

      • Deanjo
      • 6 years ago

      The anti-trust is never about the consumer. It also does not always mean that they parted from extra cash either.

        • cynan
        • 6 years ago

        Anything that involves price fixing does – which is the type of anti-trust issue in question.

        Edit: Actually, any type of action that results in less natural competition (which is the crux of all anti-trust issues) generally involves inflated prices for consumers somewhere down the line. The only example I can think of that doesn’t is with IE explorer and Windows. But that’s only because consumers don’t generally pay for browsers. Most products consumers pay for directly…

          • someuid
          • 6 years ago

          [quote<]generally involves inflated prices for consumers somewhere down the line. The only example I can think of that doesn't is with IE explorer and Windows.[/quote<] If not a rise in prices, then a lack of features/updates. IE6 sat on the shelf waaay to long after Microsoft had acheived browser dominance. Standards marched forward with new features, but Microsoft refused to add them to IE, or fix their non-compliance with existing/newly tweaked standards. As for Windows, yes, it has seen a price hike. Windows 7 has seen them of about $20-$40, especially just before Windows 8 came out. I bought Win7 Pro 64-bit OEM for $100 several years ago. It now costs $140.

    • RickyTick
    • 6 years ago

    Dang I miss Battlestar Galactica.

      • Dashak
      • 6 years ago

      I’m deliberately missing seasons three and four.

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