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Just a little recent observation that irks me:

There are some people that, as far as you know, are such tightwads when it comes to their own expenses, that spending an extra $1 makes them feel like they've been totally cheated out of a buck, but when they know that it's YOU who'll be spending for something that they too will partake in or have an interest in, they'll insist on more expensive alternatives. Nothing against more expensive choices because you often do get what you pay for, but hey, I wonder if they'd still insist on them if they were the ones who were supposed to foot the bill.

And there are even some folks who you treat out to a meal who'll order more than they can obviously eat so they'll have something to take home. WTH. No one cooks food at home? Your fridge empty? How pathetic. When someone treats you out, be mindful about what you order. Order something you'd like to eat that's not expensive but not too cheap either. It's just an unwritten rule or sign of courtesy that some people don't know about or don't want to accept. These things aren't normally taught in school, sadly.

Anyone here encounters people like these? Are you totally ok with them?

Anyone here encounters people like these? Are you totally ok with them?

This descripes most people. I myself try to be mindful of this when someone is treating me to a nice dinner out. As for as taking food home, I tend to have left overs anyway.

ronch wrote:

Anyone here encounters people like these? Are you totally ok with them?

You seem to have just described me. I'm very cheap... except when I'm not, and I ascribe values to experiences, like a good meal out, far more liberally than I do commodities and consumerism... and to that end, when I go out, regardless of who is treating (though in actuality its almost always me treating others...), I will order whatever looks good.

IMO, IF you are treating your friends to a "nice dinner out" at le petite uppity frence steak hous with the expensive filets and the even more expensive wine, then you should expect the person being treated to order what looks good... Plus an appetizer, and a salad... If you don't want to put down $80+ on the meal, then treat them to a meal at a cheaper restaurant. I have yet to have someone tell me that they are too fancy to eat at the cheesecake factory or the olive garden when they know its on my dime... hell, take them to bob's big boys. But don't get (secretly/ stewing) angry, about your friends ordering an extra plate of mushrooms and a side salad. Life's too short.

Conversely, you can always wait until the check comes and offer to treat then. Problem solved.

You're welcome.

VincentHanna wrote:

Conversely, you can always wait until the check comes and offer to treat then. Problem solved.

I vote for this option. They'll order as if it's their money, and still be happy that you treated.

BTW, how old are the folks we're discussing?

ronch wrote:

There are some people that, as far as you know, are such tightwads when it comes to their own expenses, that spending an extra $1 makes them feel like they've been totally cheated out of a buck

They are called PC users or TR followers.

If a "friend" consistently rips you off when you pay for the dinner, maybe you should consider distancing from such person.

If a "friend" consistently rips you off when you pay for the dinner, maybe you should consider distancing from such person.

Or do it to him...

I buy good beer and cheap out on everything else.

VincentHanna wrote:

You seem to have just described me. I'm very cheap... except when I'm not, and I ascribe values to experiences, like a good meal out, far more liberally than I do commodities and consumerism... and to that end, when I go out, regardless of who is treating (though in actuality its almost always me treating others...), I will order whatever looks good.

IMO, IF you are treating your friends to a "nice dinner out" at le petite uppity frence steak hous with the expensive filets and the even more expensive wine, then you should expect the person being treated to order what looks good... Plus an appetizer, and a salad... If you don't want to put down $80+ on the meal, then treat them to a meal at a cheaper restaurant. I have yet to have someone tell me that they are too fancy to eat at the cheesecake factory or the olive garden when they know its on my dime... hell, take them to bob's big boys. But don't get (secretly/ stewing) angry, about your friends ordering an extra plate of mushrooms and a side salad. Life's too short.

Conversely, you can always wait until the check comes and offer to treat then. Problem solved.

You're welcome.

Oh, don't get me wrong, when I treat people out, I don't deliberately expect them to get something cheap and get turned off if they get something higher up the price range. I'm referring to folks who are known for being tightwads and hold on tight to every penny but you just know they don't care if you're the one who's shelling out. For me, that's quite a violation of the Golden Rule ("Don't do unto others..." or "Treat others the way..."). If I see that they're really the kind of pople who just enjoy good things and spend money for them, then I would find it perfectly fine if they order what they thought was nice irregardless of the price. After all, we're there to have a good time, not look for flaws.

Seems to me these people are just keen to take advantage of others' generosity and want to make the most of the situation by buying something that they themselves wouldn't pay for... because someone else is paying. That irks me. Everyone works for their money, and a little Golden Rule goes a long way.

VincentHanna wrote:

BTW, how old are the folks we're discussing?

In their early 40's, maybe.

UnfriendlyFire wrote:

If a "friend" consistently rips you off when you pay for the dinner, maybe you should consider distancing from such person.

You could say we're related, so that person isn't someone I could just toss out my life.

ronch wrote:

UnfriendlyFire wrote:

If a "friend" consistently rips you off when you pay for the dinner, maybe you should consider distancing from such person.

You could say we're related, so that person isn't someone I could just toss out my life.

I smell a monster in law...

Another handy trick, fyi that I pull out from time to time is the partial night out... tell them upfront that "these 2 appetizers are on me" Its still a treat, but you have established boundaries and engaged their spending radar.

Or, if you don't mind being just a touch more manipulative, try this: buy yourself a $50 gift certificate, (you might have to come up with a boss/radio call in contest that explains where you got it...) invite them to "help you spend it" then go dutch... if they are as tight as you say, they will do everything they can to keep the bill under $53 so that you still end up picking up the bulk of the tab.

PS irreguardless isn't a word.
PSS. I still say that if they are as stingy as you think they are, they probably would be very happy to eat dinner at *insert stereotypical jewish mother in law voice here* the olive garden, or the mexican restauraunt near your house...

My mother always tells me that if someone has balls, you have bigger balls. In other words, if someone takes advantage of you by overspending, you can preempt it by placing a limit on the cost, i.e. 'your first $25 are on me'. This applies to everyone, including family.

On the other hand, there may be reasons why people are stingy. Maybe they're poor, or just in a rough spot with money. Maybe they're stingy with money, but generous in other ways. It's worth looking to see if one of these possibilities is true. If not, have the bigger balls.

If i'm being treated I prefer for the person treating to order first, this sets the bar for what I order. When I travel for work, I try to order food as if it's my money. If i'm out of town for more then 2 days, I tend to have one nicer meal.

UnfriendlyFire wrote:

If a "friend" consistently rips you off when you pay for the dinner, maybe you should consider distancing from such person.

I have 4 close friends that I have been friends with since I was 7 year old. (I am 32 now)

All of us agreed on one simple rule during school years - Its called sharing the bill equally. Even today this rule has worked flawlessly between us, whether we are meeting along with our family or partying alone, nobody is left feeling ripped off.

Also as far as going out with other people is concern, i let the other person pick up the menu and order their stuff and when they are ordering the food, I politely tell them they are not going to pay alone for the bills, we will share it equally (manipulating the situation basically), hence it becomes a common practice between us.

The Egg wrote:

VincentHanna wrote:

Conversely, you can always wait until the check comes and offer to treat then. Problem solved.

I vote for this option. They'll order as if it's their money, and still be happy that you treated.

Thirded -- this is ALWAYS what I do, and it's also usually what people do when they offer to pay for me.

Plus, if you offer beforehand, then they have to make the decision about whether to order the more or less expensive thing, then feel guilty if they go with the expensive option, or resentful if they go with cheaper, and both can strain your friendship. So offering beforehand has distinct negatives.

The exceptions are these are:
1) if you're doing it to thank them for something and offer beforehand to ensure the situation is clear (in which case the expectation is that they order what they want!), or
2) if that's the only way you would get to see them for dinner (in which case you are probably more flexible in your spending limits than they are, so I guess you kind of just have to suck it up if they take advantage).

I got a friend like this. We've been buddies since grade school, and he's one of these passive-aggressive misers. He would always be willing to go some place or do something, as long as someone else picked him up and drove him (he purposely avoided getting a license for 5 years so he wouldn't have to drive around younger siblings). He never expected a meal necessarily, but when asked where to go, in a town or place we would visit, he'd choose the cheapest option like McDonalds, instead of something different, albeit a few dollars more, that we couldn't get everyday. I think he ended up getting food poisoning twice from McDonalds, but continues to go back because it's a low cost alternative. He never cared about costs as long as someone else was buying.

I have fond memories of him complaining about his father, heir to the land of misers, not letting them use the A/C in the summer unless it was well over 90. He used to complain how cheap his father was. Now, he does everything he can to keep heating & cooling costs down in his apartment, and grumbles bitterly when you remind him of this fact. Ironically, he has the heat down low enough that it's uncomfortably cool in his house during the winter. His wife sits on the couch bundled in an electric blanket and space heater to keep warm. I'm sure the cost for a few more degrees would easily offset the cost for those appliances...

Now, he does everything he can to keep heating & cooling costs down in his apartment, and grumbles bitterly when you remind him of this fact.

I used to do this myself when I was living in a house.

dashbarron wrote:

Ironically, he has the heat down low enough that it's uncomfortably cool in his house during the winter. His wife sits on the couch bundled in an electric blanket and space heater to keep warm. I'm sure the cost for a few more degrees would easily offset the cost for those appliances...

If that's the case, he's losing his ass while making everyone uncomfortable. A space heater and electric blanket are probably costing him twice in electricity what he's "saving" in gas.