StarkMjolk wrote:Philldoe wrote:to hell with beer i want some vodka.
EDIT: YAY 300th POST IMA GERBILXP!
Congrats man, you're on your way up.
And not to hell with beer, I like beer. And it's dangerous saying that in here with JBI around. He might get angry and use his mighty brewing skills for... brewing.
idchafee wrote:3 referees were having a beer.
The first ref, a rookie says "I call them like I see them."
The second ref, a 5 year veteran says "I call them like they are."
The third ref, with 35 years experience, says "They are as I call them."
JavaDog wrote:A minister wakes one Sunday morning to a bright sunny day. He decides to play hooky for a day, and calls his Jr. Pastor to cover services for him as he is very sick.
He then proceeds to get his golf bag and head for the links. The course is beautiful, the sun is shining, and his game is great.
Up in heaven, St. Peter asks God "Aren't you going to do something about this?" God replies, "Wait and see."
As the round of golf continues, the minister is shooting the best game of his life. On the 18th tee, The minister swings... God commands the ball and it bounces off the water, out of a bunker, and right into the cup.
St. Peter is incredulous. "Why are you REWARDING this man for shirking his duty!? I don't understand?!"
God replies "Who's he going to be able to tell about it?"
Darkmage wrote:It took me forever to remember this joke...
One particularly nasty day, three guys named Brett, Carl and Bob died in a car crash and found themselves in Hell. They were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.
Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
"Cindy Crawford, you have sinned ........"
Player Hater wrote:lethal wrote:A man was driving home when he gets trapped in a trafic jam. The man parked his car and asked a nearby driver about what was going on. The other driver replies:
"Some terrorist have kidnapped President Bush and they are requesting 5 million dollars or they'll burn the president"
"We are currently making a collect"
The men ask: "how much have you collected?"
"50 galons of diesel, 32 liters of gasoline, ten matchboxes, fifteen liters of kerosene..."
Can you tell an American didn't write that joke?
Still kinda funny though.
If only terrorists went after the president. Then no one would be against them.