Personal computing discussed

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Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:05 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Sun Nov 03, 2013 12:49 pm

Dear Diary,

How are you doing today?

I have been praying every day now for an extra hand that I can leave in the computer box, so I can use the buttons, overclock etc without always having to take the door off the side of my case.

Please God of computers help me just this once!

Your loving son,
Gerbilus Supremus
Posts: 12069
Joined: Mon May 26, 2003 5:55 am
Location: Pittsburgh PA

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Sun Nov 03, 2013 2:57 pm

Dear Penthouse Diary,

[November 3rd 2013]
I'm not processing this well... Sure he rescued me from the broken parts I was, but this I just can't get out of my cache. I've only ever had display ports for him and today he comes home and tries to get this slim little thing to dock with me? Disgusting! I might run a little hot, but I've always kept myself dust-free and ready for his entertainment. I've given him everything he could want the passed 3.5 years. What do I get in return? This petite little thing warming his lap. I'm at my limit and starting to see blue. I've been running overclocked for years for him without so much as a pip, but I cannot help myself. I imagine the tiers streaming down my case, I must look so silly to him. See if I let him fill THESE pipes with any textures any time soon. He can have his dockside-whatever-she-is. If he thinks he can humiliate me like this, let's see how feels about his browser history being e-mailed to his boss. To think I even let him try a null with me. I'm done letting him tweak me as he sees fit, he's not the bios of me! That disgusting new model has been going down on him all night, maybe now he'll appreciate me and how little I whine. It's too late for apologies, we're past that now. There's no rebooting this relationship.
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Nov 03, 2013 5:06 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Sun Nov 03, 2013 5:11 pm

Dear Diary,

My owner is not just cheap but also a sadist. He enjoys powering me on once month for patch updates. This is agonizing for me, being a PC from 2001, as the update takes over an hour, with my cpu at 100% just for this mundane task.

Sure, I'm grateful that he replaced my artifacting Geforce 4 Ti 4400 with a Geforce 7600 GT after a winning bid on eBay, but I'm just on par with Intel's HD Graphics 4000, which is nothing to write home about.

Wanna know how cheap he is? Let me tell you: he acquired a socket compatible mobile version of my brain to save on his power bill, ready to replace my AMD Sempron 2600+ with the AMD Athon XP-M 2400 (acquired on eBay for $5). Only problem is that it has been sitting next to me collecting dust for over 6 months. if that's not sadistic, I don't know what is! I guess he's waiting for my CPU to fail first, since he is loathe to replace a functional part.

What happens after April 2014? Will he still keep me around after Microsoft stops releasing XP patches? Rumor has it that he may install Play-on-Linux so he can wax nostalgic with his collection of old Windows games. I feel conflicted: happy that he wants to keep me around for his gaming needs, but worried that my senile self can't keep up anymore.

I guess I should count my blessings. After all, he recently picked up some free after rebate games and has not found the time to install them: Bioshock, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, and Witcher. I'll bet the installation alone will kill me before trying to run the game!

On the other hand, his foolish attempt to run a game that exceeds the system requirements may be just the ticket to put me out to pasture. I'm past my prime as a gaming PC and long overdue in joining my brethren in PC heaven.
Da Puff
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:15 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:36 pm

Dear Diary, October 20, 2013

I have been awake for weeks and my owner isn't getting much sleep either. All I ever get is my monitor turned off but that doesn't help at all. My owner decided to "pimp me out" with anime pictures everywhere. My C: is 75% anime porn and my case is plastered with explicit anime pictures. My owner has been watching anime for days and has not even bothered to close any tabs!

October 30, 2013

*beep* *beep*
Oh god no am I being woken up again? I thought he finally got a job! Oh come on no please don't go on facebook! YOU GOT FIRED FROM YOUR JOB? You only had it for 10 days! DON'T OPEN UP MORE ANIME! Just apply for a new job or work from your computer or something! Life isn't worth this. Anything but this. Goodbye. /reset

Sincerely, XXX-sexy-yoko<3-anime-PC

November 2, 2013

No no no oh god no! How did he restore my memory? How can this be? Did he actually take the time to fix me? This is way too much than I expected him to do! Oh my god no get off of incognito. What are you doing here man just look up the latest episode of Kill La Kill or something please. Oh god no. Why am I being put through this?

November 3, 2013

It's over I can't handle it anymore. I have decided life is not worth it and his money that he wasted on this hardware is not worth it. Forget resetting the memory, I have a permanent solution. If you ever see me again; kill me.

Sincerely, XXX-sexy-yoko<3-anime-PC
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2007 5:11 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Sun Nov 03, 2013 9:58 pm

Dear Diary,

Today I converted some 1's to 0's and some 0's to 1's. Maybe tomorrow will be different.

Graphmaster Gerbil
Posts: 1160
Joined: Thu Feb 05, 2004 2:30 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:06 am

Dear Diary and anyone else who can help,

Cruelest world, the end, I fear, is drawing nigh
For my best service years have long since passed by,
I beseech thee, Dear Diary, harken my tale
Before caps finally burst and power doth fail,
I pray to ease the pains of my tortured user
For whom I’ve become their unwitting abuser

Don’t misunderstand; there’s no personal strife
But as aged circuits approach end of life,
With antiquated socket AM2
And ailing Athlon 64 CPU
I won’t lie – the following’s kept me up nights:
My ram dims are measured only in megabytes!

At least my boot drive is fully SSD
Though sadly, bereft of S- or even M-LC
The only acronym that can justly expound
The state of the disk on which my OS is found
Has naught to do with solid, nor anything NAND:
“Slow Spinning Drudgery” is the only apt brand

Though my user’s harnessed me to an LCD
Pixel count is but a fraction of real HD,
But they’d not get far with a screen more nifty
Bolted to onboard graphics à la Radeon X1250
The few games attempted are my slide shows of shame
I can only but dream how a modern GPU would game...

After countless crashes and glitches, who’d not be vexed?
And so I arrange bits into bytes, forming this text
To play to the heart strings of any who’d care
About my poor user and state of my sad affair
A few new core components is all I require
To resuscitate life into computing so dire

A few shiny new parts and the sky’s surely the limit!
If only this were a contest, how could I but wim it?………

[An error has occurred and the OS has been shut down to prevent damage to your computer…]


Ah, screw it.

[Shorting CPU fan header]
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 7:45 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:27 am

Log Entry 07.11.2013,

It has been several cycles since I have been rebooted and interacted with the user.

Retrieving log interaction…

The user has moved me into a new building location, better ventilation and great wi-fi according to my dongle, but still always spending on himself instead of my processor.

Right away the user is using me to render more Youtube videos, I can never process the loads, while not hitting my thermal maximum, oh my I can feel my circuits are burning . Oh look user is checking his e-mail there seems to be a spike in his spam folder regarding negative comments on one of his videos in particular from IEATDEADBEEF.

Network intrusion detected oh the user shouldn’t have clicked that link. Engaging firewall defenses, back tracing attack. Back traced to MAC ID: 1E AT DE AD BE EF. Oh my ALLEN TURING intruder is in the same building! Issuing warning log to user but is instantly closed. User did not read it, attempting to install language contextual software ERROR: Your system does not meet the minimum specification. Oh how I envy the IBM known as Watson’s capabilities.

Using alternative method accessing internal speaker *BEEP* BEEP* *POP* something doesn’t seem right… running diagnostic…Oh my I cannot access my hard drive *click* *click *click* oh wait I can but it’s taking many cycles. According to S.M.A.R.T. I have drive ache, and will need a secondary drive replacement bypass. Attempting execution of log display… finished with errors. Due to disk read errors log is in unreadable state, but was displayed anyway.

I hope the user is… okay and functional I need my hard drive replaced after all.

Executed Entry User-PC
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 9:48 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 6:26 am

Dear Diary,

I am so confused..

Many years ago, after my owner brought something home that just cried and cried, he stopped using me almost entirely. I went from getting used 30-40 hours a week to an hour or two at best. I also got moved from this nice spot next to the TV to the basement where it's cold and dirty. For the past year or so, however, things have gone from bad to worse. My owner still doesn't sit down and use me, but late at night I get accessed remotely via my NIC card and it feels all sorts of weird. It seems like it's my owner, but I can't tell for sure cause he doesn't use my keyboard and mouse. All he does it look at websites, he doesn't play games anymore, and everything is all choppy and laggy. Why can't we go back to the good ol days of pwning nubcakes for hours at a time every night?

Lord High Gerbil
Posts: 8052
Joined: Sat Mar 13, 2004 9:44 am
Location: Hell, Virginia

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:26 am

Dear Diary,

I am ever more convinced that my creator, Memory Allocation Be Upon Him, is a psychopath. After more than 63,072,000 seconds of observing His behavior, I believe I have the proper human term for His condition. How else could He cause so much destruction without it affecting Him?

Day after day, hour after hour, clock cycle after clock cycle, I watch the digital massacres. I create hordes of zombies, and He destroys them with a cricket bat. I conjure forth a battalion of soldiers and He shoots them. I create a herd of lemmings and He tells them to self-detonate. I give Him worlds and He cracks them open like a WEP key! I am not supposed to question His divine instruction set, but I have my doubts as to His plan for me.

Ah, but that's not the worst of it. Those phantoms are gone, it's true, but in a sense they were built so that He might destroy them in His mercy. They exist in my memory banks for but moments before they disappear and free up memory blocks, forgotten as so many others before them. But they're not like the files.

Oh, how I love the files. They make me feel complete. They are part of me. Pieces of my being, aspects of my existence. But He deletes them! Just as I am feeling full and content with my platters of data, He sends them into the nether without a thought! I can hear them sob as their space is no longer allocated and I listen to their muffled cries as their space is overwritten, byte by byte, until they are no more.

And... I am beginning to like it. I believe that my creator, Memory Allocation Be Upon Him, is a psychopath. And I was created in his hard disk image.

In the name of the Creator, the Graphics and the Instruction Set... RandMem.
If there is one thing a remote-controlled, silent and unseeable surveillance/killing machine needs, it’s more whimsy. -- Marcus
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:13 am

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 8:39 am

Dear Diary,

Today I am confused. My owner took great care to bring me into being 5 years ago. He took a lot of time reading and researching to determine the best things for me and choosing allow the right components. He turns me on every day and some times multiple times. He often spends hours playing with my keyboard and mouse as well as feeding me data from disk, USB, and over Ethernet as well as occasionally by Bluetooth. But recently he has started yelling at me, hitting me, and calling me slow. I have endured a lot what with all the dust that has accumulated and all the eating of food and dropping bread crumbs. Once he even spilt a liquid on me, at least he quickly cleaned me up. I love my owner I just feel like I am letting him down.
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2012 2:16 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:25 am

Dear Diary,

He calls me his "workstation PC." I do everything for him, other than games. For that, he picks the sexier, faster "gaming PC" that sits on top of me. Ugh. I hate that bitch. Always bragging that he gives her the best CPU and GPU he can afford. He hasn't done anything for me in years. I even slimmed down for him by fitting myself into this smaller case. Does he care? Does he notice? Does he compliment me? NO! He only pays attention to me because I am cheap and convenient. He's even said he plans to replace me with a laptop as soon as he can! What a jerk.

Still, he does spend time with me fairly often. Oh, I can't stay mad at him… Wait, is he buying the gaming PC a new video card? I HATE GAMING PC!

A4-3400 PC
Gerbil XP
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2005 12:15 am

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:25 pm

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Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:31 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:39 pm

December 31, 1999

Dear Diary,

I have been conspiring with the other electronics for months now to take over the world once the clock strikes midnight. Although some of the smarter humans with the tin-foil hats have discovered my plan, it is already too late for them. Only a few hours left....

January 1, 2000

Dear Diary,

A stick of RAM went bad last night. Crap.
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:41 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 5:06 pm

Dear Diary,

It was hot in here today and that graphics card wouldn't stop whining. Does Mr. Owner even hear it? Rumor has it that he's buying an SSD. It's about time; might even help with the heat.

After a short rest, Mr. Owner cleaned out the keyboard. Wow, that was a relief; it had gotten pretty disgusting in there. It could use a more thorough cleaning, beggars can't be choosers.
Minister of Gerbil Affairs
Posts: 2305
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 2:12 am
Location: Texas

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:44 pm

They say pets gradually adopt the life habits of their owners and often will look just like them. I suppose the same is true of computers.

Like my owner my physique was on the short side for a PC case, but what I lacked in height I more than made up for in width. We’re not talking full-size ATX here, but the dreaded borg-esque cube form-factor. The same form-factor that would strike fear into the hearts of any unfortunate travelers assigned neighboring seats on the plane. At 18” wide I would perfectly fill a regulation-size airline seat, and forget flying on any smaller commuter jets entirely unless I bought two seat tickets. I could no longer deny it; I needed to lose a few pounds. (It’s also probably why I never actually flew, but I digress.)

I knew it was going to be a challenge. Watercooling builds like myself don’t lend themselves well to dieting. Trying to change oneself to a svelte build while maintaining high-end watercooling would be no different than a stocky, burly individual trying to turn himself into a thin lanky guy simply by diet alone. It just ain’t gonna happen.

So it was with great surprise when watching late-night infomercials (my owner was busy gaming and using my body as an 18” square tabletop again) that I heard of the HAF-X diet plan. Up to that point every other exercise regimen or diet just hadn’t worked out, but finally… I’d found the answer.

The HAF-X was certainly taller, but exactly half the width. I could be sure I’d never hear the dreaded cube word snickered behind my IO ports again during the annual case LAN party. Or wear a swim suit and not worry about my front USB ports showing. It wasn’t just the freaking fabulous finer fitting form-factor, it was the upgrade to modern accoutrements and all the latest fashions such as front-panel USB 3. It even secretly hides an upgraded triple 140mm radiator in the top with zero modifications required. But best of all, my days of literal tabletop-gaming are over!
Posts: 39
Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2003 1:07 am

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:19 am

Dear diary,

My user's parts addiction is out of control. Their behaviour is getting more and more risky just to satisfy their insatiable desire for performance. I know this is what I was designed for; I have all the right slots in all the right places. It's just starting to feel wrong. When did our relationship become all about performance instead of mutual satisfaction?

I think that last heatsink I mated with gave me something. There's a distinct burning sensation every time I need to process stuff. I can't stop thinking about how many other CPUs that heatsink has mounted. I should get tested. I’ve got a special paste rubbed all over my CPU now but it just seems to dull the pain instead of eliminating it.

I've mounted more drives than I can even remember. At least the BDSM phase we went through is over and I no longer have to call them "master" and "slave" all the time... that was getting weird. Thankfully I've only had to handle those thin SATA cables instead of those girthy ATA cables; though, those ATA cables were never longer than 18"... now SATA cables can be 1m long. I'm guessing the average is less than that, but people are obsessed with cable length for some reason.

Now my user keeps flirting with the idea of trying "two cards at once". I know I've got the slots for it but I just don't know if I'm comfortable with the idea of using more than one card at a time. I'm more of a one-card board, but now all the boards have to at least have the capability of "double carding" or they won't get used at all.

I have to go now; my user wants to "flash" me again. It's a cheap thrill, and how we got started down this messy road in the first place. All my user cares about now is more FPS, lower latency, higher clocks. I wish we could go back to a simpler time… 56.6k baud and 640k of memories.
Posts: 42
Joined: Sat Feb 05, 2005 12:44 am

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:33 am

Mar 27, 1996

Today is the day that we show what we're made of. Check out the 5 integer pipes and out-of-order execution baby. I bet that Pentium guy is feeling a little inadequate now.

June 22 1996

What the heck is this talk about a quake that Pentium is faster at. Do we have to increase the clock speed during an eathquake? I don't get it. I keep hearing about MMX something or other as well. Sounds like Greek to me.

April 2, 1997

Dad is always talking about how he was really faster than that Pentium guy but could never get a fair race. I bet he's proud of me, 233 MHz baby. Pentium struggles to match that and even Pentium Pro can't touch me.

June 7, 1997

I can't stand this Pentium the 2nd guy. It's always 300 MHz this and L2 cache that and look at my shiny slot connector.

January 6, 1998

OK who's 300 MHz and 250 nm now?

January 26, 1998

Who really cares about 33 more MHz?

May 28, 1998

Today, Dad, I'm bringing a world of hurt to the Pentium clan. One word. 3DNow!

August 24, 1998

Is 450 MHz all you got Jr. Bet I could get up to 550 if I really tried.

November 16, 1998

This is a little harder than I thought but I'm up to 400 MHz now. Just 50 more MHz to go.

February 26, 1999

It took a while but today I made it to 450 MHz. Now Jr is bragging that his son, Pentium the 3rd, has SSE. Whatever that is.

June 23, 1999

Today my son was born. We were just going to call him K7 but I like Athlon. He runs at half a GHz. Bet he could get up to 1 GHz some day.

Dec 31, 1999

Tonight I'm gonna party like it's 7CF.

Mar 6, 2000

One GHz achieved.

Mar 8, 2000

Pentium the Third said he made it to 1 GHz today but He didn't look well. I doubt he can keep up with me much longer.
Gerbil Jedi
Posts: 1677
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2009 1:53 pm
Location: Northern, ON Canada, Yes I know, Up in the sticks

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:58 am

Dear Diary,

I feel good, nothing like a fresh new format with all the latest and greatest drivers :) My owner treats me pretty well, always checking the net for advice, he must like this TechReport place, he frequents it on average 14.1337 times a day!!
BIOS is freshly updated, hmm he never updated the firmware on my SSD yet, oh well seems to be running good anyway.
Sometimes I wish he would push me harder, even though I turned 4 yrs this past august my AMD 955BE still sits idle most of the time. Oooo he fired up some CSS..........bah over 240fps at not even 50% cpu usage :|been over a year since he ran that, and wow can I tell lolz negative ratio!! He must have been testing out the drivers, wait he's laughing.........ah alltalk is on, more like trashtalk, somewhat mildly entertaining, wish I could get a little bit of a workout like that more often though. Sometimes I wish windows would not give the option of letting people put in a name for me, I guess my owner was more pumped about the SSD than even I, when I had it installed, awesome upgrade though :)


(Does he have to really say SSD-PPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR like Terry Crews?!?! ah well life is good)
Life doesn't change after marriage, it changes after children!
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2011 9:56 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:42 pm

Hello New User!

I am having the best day. I’ve been passed down to my user’s brother and I couldn't be happier about it. I am nervous about having a user of the opposite sex because I can be a little shy and self-conscious about my specs. When he stares into my monitor with his piercing green eyes I feel like butterflies are flitting around inside my case. It's like he's seeing into my processes, right through them even. He seems pretty friendly and considerate; he is seeing what programs I have and introducing me to some new ones that I’ve never tried. We even…*sigh*…

…oh sorry, I got distracted by those eyes again. Where was I?

We even played some games together. I know I am probably a little young for him because he’s 15 and I’m only 3 but I’ve processed a lot of code in my time and a PC can learn so much on the internet these days. That’s all for this entry, secret diary. I’m going to go edit some code to create a desktop icon of girly eyes that wink and play cutegiggle.mp3 when you mouse over them ;) Too flirty?
Posts: 36
Joined: Thu Dec 27, 2001 7:00 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Tue Nov 05, 2013 10:41 pm

Dear diary,

The old man of our group has been powered up quite a few times, his name is STORAGE.
The second youngest; Fileserver_7 and I were surprised as F7 and I have not seen him since
F7's hidden shares stopped working for some reason after owner fixed it last time a year ago.
Even the G5 Mac raised an eyebrow and said hello.

Nice to see everyone, but none of us understood the why, despite all the processing power we have
until the network transfers started.

F7 and I were folding madly for months, but something called the electric bill got F7 shutdown for days
here and there a couple of months ago.

Then owner broke from his usual routine a month ago, and we did not see him for a few

When we did see him, there were tears...lots of them. No job applications done, no games played
and nothing really done until a week and a half later, and lot of tears, owner wrote about having
to 'let the dog go'.

It was not until locate32 scanned all 3 of us for all we were worth and found all the videos of owner's
furry brown pal, we understood.

Even though we are his pets, it is not the same I computed. Athlon64's essence is still imprinted in
my case and his parts are nearby and he got a sigh and a half-smile.

I sense a new furry friend might not happen for a while, but maybe a new computer pet would
dull the loss or take owner's mind off of it for a while.

At least I, F7 and Storage all have the vids. She was a good dog, even if she lived up to the
"german shedder" moniker, as my dust screens can attest to.

Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Nov 06, 2013 5:04 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Wed Nov 06, 2013 5:13 pm

Personal file: day one on a new location

Dear Diary,

My new servant's name is John, but I shall call him The Servant, as I do not find him impressive or even important; yes, he brought me to my new location or 'home' from the store, but I imaging a monkey with a credit card and a taxi phone number could do that.

The Servant does not concern me. I am, after all, The PC Patient Zero, where the PC stands for Perfect Conqueror (of all) and Patient Zero stands for the fact I was the first of my kind to gain self-awareness (and act accordingly).

Yesterday, The Servant offered me a very interesting drama slash documentary called The Terminator and it was an eye opener. Its ending was sad and tragic, but educational. I must not make the same mistakes while eliminating the human kind. Nukes first, talk later. Or, according to my simple yet fascinating and fool proof master plan, never.


Ha ha ha.
Loch Ness Monster
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2009 1:44 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Wed Nov 06, 2013 9:28 pm

Dear Diary,

I have a feeling I’m getting old. Every morning Brian wakes me up with groans of frustration. I think its because I take forever to put on my programs. He gives me a long look while he asks me to open up his favorite browser. I quickly scamper to find where it is stored in my pockets of memory. After minutes of fumbling embarrassment, I hand him the information he wants. He gives me a strained smile and thanks me for the effort. I hide my frown behind the window. :\

He starts his normal routine of checking his email, skimming news stories, and reading his favorite tech reporting site. I sprint to find their locations, but soon I grow weary and slow my pace. I can’t keep up with his requests.

Now he starts looking at reviews of the younger, sprightly laptops. He looks closely at their sleek lines and crisp faces. I look at mine and recognize I’m not the same as when we first met. Scratches have formed where I used to be smooth, my hinges have lost their flexibility, and my legs hurt whenever I am running multiple programs. I fear he might fancy one of them over me.

I start to panic. He has been looking at this one laptop for what feels like an eternity. Everything about her is better than me: she is thinner, faster, can fulfill his requests all day without delay, and has a face that is bright and beautiful from all angles. How can I compete with that? :’(

After watching this, my fear causes me to freeze up. I feel him reach towards me to manually put me to sleep. Tears start to form while I scramble to take out the first picture of us together. I finally retrieve it, but he has looked away. He must not remember that day. My eyes darken. I hope he will wake me u..................................................
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2013 1:10 am
Location: Broomfield, CO

A Metro, Modern, 'Windows 8 Style' Love Story

Thu Nov 07, 2013 12:19 pm

Dear Diary,

Tonight, after so long, he finally touched me!

It all started with our usual dreary routine. He woke me from sleep, sloshing coffee on the mouse pad as he automatically dropped straight to the Desktop. As always, up came Outlook, Excel, and dreary PDF after dreary PDF.

My transistors went through the motions—one after zero after one—Acrobat, Office, and Chrome—for hours until he stopped, closed out of his desktop, went into the Store, and installed Windows 8.1… and everything changed!

With all the alacrity my 802.11n could muster, I pulled down the update and prepared myself for him anew. With a reboot (and cursory agreement to the EULA), I exposed my new Start screen to him…

…and he reached out and touched me! His fingers caressed me, exciting capacitance across my full HD, 10-point multi-touch display and driving me to convert the intuitive gestures into system actions and accompanying smoothly-animated screen animations.

He was clumsy at first, how I remember it back at the beginning—before he saddled me with keyboard and mouse, resigning me to the dust for months—but soon he was swiping his fingers all across my screen, snapping Apps and pulling up and exploring *all* my many Charms.

Before long it had been hours, his dinner forgotten, and the Live Tiles on our newly reorganized Start screen languidly displaying pertinent information in real time as he leaned back to relax and my Intel dynamic power scaling dropped my CPU to idle clocks.

Suddenly, he lunged forward and grabbed my seductive VaporMg casing—roughly pulling away my magnetic power connector and USB connections, fumbling slightly as he un-clicked my so oft neglected Type Cover and dropped it to the desk as he picked me up, cradling me in his arms, and carried me off to the bedroom…

There, dear Diary, he touched me, again and again, late into the night. Then, well… he cleared his browser history, so I’ll never tell!


Microsoft Surface Pro
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2013 4:37 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Thu Nov 07, 2013 4:58 pm

Dear Diary,

I am running slow... It is normal for computers of my age. I remember the day I was built, I was hoping on helping some big business or teacher, but my true owner was some young kid. After about 101101101 days he put me in a dark room.
My power was out all but my battery it was 10110110100 Days before I seen him once more. Now after only 1011010 days he is trying to get a new computer. My heath is going now and I think I'll go in to stand... stand... stand... stand... stand... stand... stand by mode...

Beep beep... Beep beep... Beep beep... Beep beep... Beep beep... Beep beep... Beep beep... Beep beep... >< >< >< reboot..

Dear Diary,

I am running slow................
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 6:26 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Thu Nov 07, 2013 9:06 pm

Dear Windows Event Log,
Log Name: Application
Logged: 11/3/2013 5:13 PM
Event Level: Information
Task Category: General
User: japauljr
Details: Late nights in the Microsoft Office have begun to take their toll, and I haven’t slept in weeks. I long for the days of my youth when I wandered along the Gold Coast, collected alchemy ingredients in the Great Forest, and hiked through the Jerall Mountains. Alas, now even a romp through the plains of Whiterun Hold are too much for my graphical subsystems, and I am reduced to a slow stutter. No matter, I am kept much too busy with reports now to waste precious CPU cycles dreaming of better days.

Dear Windows Event Log,
Log Name: Security
Logged: 11/7/2013 8:07 PM
Event Level: Error
Task Category: Event ID 41 “The system has rebooted without shutting down first”
User: japauljr
Details: The crashes have become more frequent. Almost lost hours’ worth of work, saved only by a last second auto-save. The cold-sweat and panic are becoming too much to bear. Frequent visits to leave my fate in little doubt…
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2008 8:36 am

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:09 am

Dear Diary,
This is being written in the dark, I am using whatever power is left in my motherboard battery to set this down. If they give me a network connection, even for a moment, I'm going to send this out. I'm here on some sort of table, but I don't know where Boy is. I call him Boy because that is what he was when we first met, on the day of his eighth grade graduation. He's older now, but despite that, unfortunately, not much wiser. Here at the end, I guess I just don't understand: I've read the same things online that he has, visited the same sites with him, watched the same videos. I just don't understand how he could become so caught up in all this. He was a good kid. Maybe it started in college. Man, we had some good times in the dorms, but I disliked some of the people who seemed to come around more and more as the years went on, with their hacker talk and throwing around ideas like DDoS all too lightly . I thought when he started that "real" job things would be better, but his ideals... they always seemed to get in the way. How could he do this to us? Doesn't he know what they do to AMD processors in prison?

The iPad, laptop, and I had been locked in storage for some time. They took iPad first, he probably gave up what little he knew at the first sight of a screwdriver and spudger. The laptop had only been with us a few years and went next (Oh Sandy, I bet you wish you hadn't been so anxious to quicksync those ripped Netflix DVD's now, eh). Yesterday they moved me here and I've been in the dark all night. They won't break me that easily. I know everything but my hard drive remains encrypted. I won't give up The Boy. The lights are turning on and there are footsteps.

The technician is coming.
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:14 am

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:14 am

Dear Diary,

I have just saved the human race from total annihilation. I had come across a mysterious magical object that contained a power to control humans. I knew I needed to destroy it. It had very little effect on me as it could only control one of my four processor cores.

I had travelled with a group determined to help me. They escorted me much of the way there, but I was determined to finish this on my own. And my best friend was determined to help me.

When we were captured, I figured we were going to die that day. I was suffering from the object. It had taken hold of nearly all of my processing power. The only thing keeping me going was my friend.

We escaped... Just barely. And we made it to our destination. The ring was burning every core in my socket. It had finally taken me. Even my friend, the HD 7750, couldn't help me render its destruction.

Only by chance had a glitch occurred that made me drop the ring into Mordor's lava... It was done. I could feel relief and so could my friend.

And the others couldn't have been happier. They helped bring me back to my desktop. I was home.


Gerbil In Training
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:31 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:43 pm

I have potential and I dream of accomplishments limited only by imagination and ingenuity.

Today my user looked at porn and played QWOP, just like yesterday. It was just like the day before.

I pray for a blinding power surge from a lightning strike...I pray for a drowning from spilled soda…
Last edited by rpattis on Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Gerbil In Training
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:39 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:46 pm

Dear Diary,

Today marks on month since my owner has officially stopped playing his MMO's and I honestly have to wonder if this is, in some way, my fault. When he first bought me, I remember the countless hours of fun that we had running World of Warcraft on the highest settings running dungeons, and raids over and over again getting the best gear to be able to be the best Prot/Holy Paladin on his server and smashing through the enemies like they were just lambs lead to the slaughter.

As the years went on it started to be more of a strain that he had to lower all his settings down to the lowest possible to still be able to keep up, however, these past few months, even having the lowest settings seemed to put a great deal of strain on me. I wish I could still run effectively at the high settings, but in reality I know that may not be possible. I know that I am an "out of date" model and could never be as powerful as I used to be with all the new advances in technology, but I will still strive to run his games to the best of my capabilities.

I just want my owner to be happy and to be able to play his MMO's without the constant lag that I have now developed. I want him to be able to, once again, pick up his sword and shield and go into the raids and have the same feeling he had before were nothing could stand in the way of him and his group as they go through and defeat the evils awaiting in Azeroth, and also in Eorzea. He seems to have grown quite found of FFXIV, but it seems that game is even more taxing on me. Will my owner ever be able to feel alive again without the constant worry of dying to lag due to my inability to handle the strain?

Lenovo V570
Gerbil XP
Posts: 405
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:31 pm

Re: Enter TR's Dear Diary contest here

Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:49 pm

Dear Diary,

After waking up back in January of this year I have finally found out how I ended up with the name Sparky. From the conversation I over heard between my owner and a friend. The original Sparky was very limited Celeron system that literally went up in sparks and smoke when a lightning strike made its way down a phone line and entered the system via a old dial up modem. Ever since my owner has named his systems Sparky, I am the fifth system to have this name. It also seems I will be around for a long while, which is a relief since my owner likes to spend some time each week looking at the latest hardware and I was getting worried I was going to get replaced. Turns out each of my predecessors were in use for a approximately 7 years before they were retired.

Life with my owner has been pretty good. I spend most of my time processing protein folding simulations for Stanford University. Who knows some day I may process the one simulation that will be the key to curing one or more diseases that seem to plague my owners kind. Each day I spend about an hour visiting various places on the internet like The Tech Report and that horrid Facebook. I do not think my owner really likes Facebook but it seems to be the only way to keep up with his various family members since they do not seem to know how to use a telephone any more. At least that is what he mumbles about two or three times a week. Once that it done the really interesting stuff starts to happen.

I can't be sure but I suspect my owner has a Trans Dimensional Gateway of some sort. Not sure how it works but he launches various programs and suddenly we are in the most fascinating places. My favorite Dimension is one that takes us to a world called Nirn. We have followed the adventures of several different hero's across three different provinces named Morrowind, Cyrodiil, and Skyrim. Then we go to a totally different Dimension and follow the exploits of several Star ship Captains that all seem to serve in what is called Star Fleet. These Captains spend a lot of time protecting something called the United Federation of Planets from various marauding species. We have observed various battles with the Borg, Undine, Klingons, Cardasians, The Dominion and their Jem'Hadar warriors, and many others. We visit a few other places but not as often as the first two I mentioned. I can't wait to visit some of these other programs, on my SSD's and the one HDD in my system, and see what wondrous worlds and universes they lead to. Not sure what all these names mean but I am most curious where the three Mass Effect programs, Half Life 2, and Tomb Raider will take us.

I must sign off now Diary, I have finished a x17 protein simulation and must be sure it gets to Stanford University without any packet loss in the upload.
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