Tonight, after so long, he finally touched me!
It all started with our usual dreary routine. He woke me from sleep, sloshing coffee on the mouse pad as he automatically dropped straight to the Desktop. As always, up came Outlook, Excel, and dreary PDF after dreary PDF.
My transistors went through the motions—one after zero after one—Acrobat, Office, and Chrome—for hours until he stopped, closed out of his desktop, went into the Store, and installed Windows 8.1… and everything changed!
With all the alacrity my 802.11n could muster, I pulled down the update and prepared myself for him anew. With a reboot (and cursory agreement to the EULA), I exposed my new Start screen to him…
…and he reached out and touched me! His fingers caressed me, exciting capacitance across my full HD, 10-point multi-touch display and driving me to convert the intuitive gestures into system actions and accompanying smoothly-animated screen animations.
He was clumsy at first, how I remember it back at the beginning—before he saddled me with keyboard and mouse, resigning me to the dust for months—but soon he was swiping his fingers all across my screen, snapping Apps and pulling up and exploring *all* my many Charms.
Before long it had been hours, his dinner forgotten, and the Live Tiles on our newly reorganized Start screen languidly displaying pertinent information in real time as he leaned back to relax and my Intel dynamic power scaling dropped my CPU to idle clocks.
Suddenly, he lunged forward and grabbed my seductive VaporMg casing—roughly pulling away my magnetic power connector and USB connections, fumbling slightly as he un-clicked my so oft neglected Type Cover and dropped it to the desk as he picked me up, cradling me in his arms, and carried me off to the bedroom…
There, dear Diary, he touched me, again and again, late into the night. Then, well… he cleared his browser history, so I’ll never tell!
Microsoft Surface Pro