Interesting thread! Work chairs (and messenger bags) are something(s) that I can just really get into for some weird reason.
Personally, I'm trying to hold off on a "seating upgrade" until they've released Level 4 to Level 5 Autonomous Office Chairs
. These are furniture lines that are loaded with sensors to determine body position, type of task being executed, repetitive behavior patterns, etc. The chair will then autonomously re-position it's various components, (seat, arms, back, head rest, etc.) with adjustments made across more axes than there were nations that fought in World Wars I & II combined! This will ensure ergonomic bliss; optimal body position & seating characteristics are continuously adjusting to the individual user, regardless of height, weight, sciatic conditions, recent surgeries, and so on, (all of which the chair will detect, classify & store data on).
Heck, these babies will even sport sensor arrays to read changes within the surrounding environment, and they'll initiate appropriate action if circumstances dictate. This will include such measures as: rotating the chair to face an approaching boss or wife; rotating the chair so your back always faces that "one particularly annoying co-worker", or the "pesky office parent" who approaches you 2 or 3 times a week to push their kids latest fund-raising campaign; even taking evasive maneuvers to avoid collision with out-of-control toddlers, or streaking dogs & cats.
You can even program the chair to generate a range of haptic stimuli to serve as reminders for imminent deadlines or scheduled meetings. Or, if you happen to be an obsessively controlling boss, choose from an array of electric shocks & give your slovenly, sloth-like, time-wasting employees a little "productivity spur"!
All of this functionality can, of course, be conveniently controlled through handy phone & desktop apps. Since your chair supports Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, & NFC, (with LTE an optional upgrade) it inevitably supports IOT right out of the box. (Online app tutorials and live classroom training will be available.)
Being IOT ready, you may be wondering ... and yes ... no doubt painfully invasive advertising will begin assaulting you through your chair soon after these bad boys hit the market. Plus, you can expect your "friendly neighborhood ISP" (Internet Seating Provider) to begin assessing monthly chair usage fees with seating capped at 27.5 hours per week. Sitting for more than a total of 45 minutes within any given hour will incur overage charges.
Oh ... and you won't really "own" the chair you've just spent multiple thousands of dollars to acquire. But all that will of course be explained in the Terms & Conditions of the "Sitters End-Parking Agreement" that you'll be required (by law) to complete before taking possession of (not exactly "your" chair, but) whatever OEM model you decide upon.
But don't worry for even a brief moment about all of your collected health data, work attendance records, etc. being compromised, stolen & sold by (state supported) Ukrainian Chacker Collectives; (chacker = chair-hacker). Despite all chairs being camera-equipped, up-skirt photos or any other "embarrassing/compromising" instances simply cannot be generated or stolen. (And NO ... This chair does NOT make your butt look big!)
These chairs are guaranteed to have been built from the mat up with Data Security and User Safety as co-equal #1 priorities
. Hence the host of features like Collision Avoidance Systems
, (noted above), Anti-Tip Controls
, 5 Point Harness
, and Air Bag Arrays
... (just in case The Impossible should come to pass).
Plus you can count on receiving regularly scheduled, long-term Software Upgrades
and, of course, those ever important Security Vulnerability Patches
. You have our word
! (Seriously, they promise, like, really, Really, VERY sincerely. Yah, you bet 'cha, you can count on it, because they're trustworthy ... Safety & Security are # 1! And YOU; You're # 1 too! Sure, they absolutely love their spouses & kids & SOs, but honestly, they're a distant 2nd compared to YOU ... and Safety & Security ... honest ...)
So yeah, Level 4 & 5 Autonomous Office Chairs look to be the next new hotness. The Autonomous Office Furniture & Equipment Manufacturers Association
is really making some big noise about their big promises, & they've even adopted an official motto: The A.O.F.E.M.A. will Cover Your Ass like no one else can
Wow ... insert face-palm here!
wound up going on a lot
longer than I realized. I thought I'd dash off like a 3 or 4 line quick gag & it just kept going, kinda stream-of-consciousness style. Sorry but man, I had that all typed out & just couldn't see burning it down ... Thanks for your patience!)