In case you were wondering I didn't submit an update to Damage last week. I'm not quite sure what chain of events prevented me from writing it but I do remember looking at the clock on Thursday night and seeing it was 9:30 already and knowing I wasn't going to get to it.
...but it's more than finding the time to write one update, by starting up the update again I'm making a big commitment that I'm not sure I want to stick with. I know I have help in the form of Tarx and KingFish but its ultimately my baby and I wouldn't feel right pulling out later on and leaving them to deal with it (which I could see happening) and I don't want to do it if I'm not enjoying it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about folding and the team, I maintain that I have not yet begun to fold and that leor's dreams of overtaking me are foolhardy at best. In fact my points are in a bit of a slump now because I took my dedicated home farm down to move it to a bigger board and maybe switch to network booting (after I added jeffry's nodes to my hanging setup
things got even more ugly) and once it's up and running again I should be back on top.
The thing is it takes a lot
less time to add boxen and keep machines fed with bandwidth and electricity than it does to write updates, run contests, and try to keep the team motivated in general. I've always considered those things to be my biggest contribution to the team, much more important than my points overall, so saying that I don't think I can/want to do those things like I used to feels like quitting to me and makes it a very hard decision... So hard that for a long time I kept myself believing that somehow I'd get things back to the way they used to be, but I'm admitting now that it's not likely to happen any time soon.
...but it's not like I'm really going anywhere, even though I know now that I'm not the guy you want running the update... It pains me to say it but you guys deserve my complete honesty...
Speaking of honesty you can blame my sudden renewed interest in fishkeeping for taking time from folding. Don't be surprised to see a thread or two in The Back Porch about my tanks in the near future... I'm an aquarist again and it feels great!
Wow, I feel better already letting you know what's going on, it's been a TREMENDOUS source of stress for me!
I hope you all understand...