Friday night topic: Near misses

This past Tuesday afternoon, I met with AMD in its hotel suite near IDF for a series of briefings about various parts of its business. When I was finished, I happened to be near a side entrance to the expansive hotel suite, so I opened the door, stepped out into the hallway, pulled the door shut, and began walking to the elevator. A couple of seconds later, I heard a large BANG! behind me. I turned to see that a big, wooden piece that had been affixed above the doorway had fallen to the ground, its thick plywood hitting the floor corner-first and splintering, throwing chunks across the hallway.

My first thought was a calm, "Well, that’s unfortunate for the hotel people," followed by a realization that it’d be polite to let the folks from AMD know about the wood in the hallway. Only as I was explaining the problem to one of them did I really begin to realize how close I’d come to a pretty serious, potentially life-altering injury. Had that wooden structure clocked me in the head, I might have had a very hard time making lame jokes in video card reviews going forward.

Fortunately, no harm was done, although I left the hotel and proceeded, later the same afternoon, to develop a raging fever, chills, aches, and weakness from a viral infection—which is why I’ve written approximately bupkis about IDF to date. If I believed in karma, I’d be asking some perplexed questions right about now.

Anyhow, I know I’ve had at least one or two other random close calls in my life. Fortunately, so far, I’ve escaped unscathed. The question for the evening is: what near-miss calamity have you experienced? Discuss.

Comments closed
    • Bauxite
    • 7 years ago

    ER’s call them donorcycles for a reason.

    • sweatshopking
    • 7 years ago

    one time i went to meadows house.

      • Meadows
      • 7 years ago

      It was good, wasn’t it.

    • destroy.all.monsters
    • 7 years ago

    Over 90 percent of my close calls were when I was in the military. Young, dumb and sleep deprived are generally not the best mix.

    Examples – aluminum antenna section falling on my head from 20-30 feet up (actually not my fault since I was just holding up the mast but I hadn’t realized it had gotten loose – because I was tired and not paying attention), falling off the top of a shelter (a shelter in this case basically being a radio hut sitting on a pickup truck bed) headfirst about 12 ft up – still don’t know how I ended up landing safely, idiotically attaching a power cable to an operating generator before hooking it up to the van, learning how to drive – in the snow, with a trailer, the truck having the old no feedback style power steering, failing to ensure that a vehicle I was working on was properly supported while jacked (and the amusing drop on one side when I came out from under). Cigarette dropping out of my mouth when I’m adding gas to another generator. A crazy time and very humbling.

    Past the military the scariest thing that happened to me was when a car did a 180 right in front of me on the freeway. It came from a lane or two over on my right, the driver lost control, swerved out in a wide bank and was facing me and there was cars on both sides of mine. I let off the gas immediately but I had nowhere to go. Thankfully the driver on my left saw and moved over as there was no way I could avoid an impact (less than 40 feet away – at approximately 60 mph) with seconds to spare.

      • bthylafh
      • 7 years ago

      *twitch*

      A long while back I did odd jobs at an auto-body place. Once, one of the guys had to drop a gas tank and do some welding on it, and wanted me to hold it for him. He assured me it was empty and he’d seemed like a nice guy so I believed him.

      That tank was /not/ empty. I’m still not sure how we didn’t end up burning the shop down. He justified not telling me by saying that I’d have freaked out if I knew. ಠ_ಠ

      Same place, I touched a poorly-installed 220V line. Somehow didn’t get a burn or other permanent damage.

        • destroy.all.monsters
        • 7 years ago

        Major douche move on that guy’s part. I’m just glad you weren’t part of a fireball. That must have been really scary. Apparently his version of preventative safety is “I’m sure it’ll be fine, we’ll see how things go”. Ugh.

        They say it’s the amperage that kills you (a simplification I’m sure) but the fact that you got no nerve damage or burns is still pretty amazing.

        So many small businesses are incredibly sketchy like that – best recent example was when my bartender friend was working and although the owner had been told days beforehand that water was backing up behind the bar – and the owner is one of those use an extension cord for everything types instead of doing any electrical work she was getting shocked about 80 percent of her shift but couldn’t afford to just close the bar that day (Saturday night). I had an owner like that when I worked a nightclub too. He’d invest in Nude Beer (no joke) but replacing equipment or getting anything repaired was like pulling teeth. I always cut off the power to the bar area before cleaning it.

    • dpaus
    • 7 years ago

    Despite having put over 200,000 kms onto three motorcycles (so far), my only real close call involves a glider. And I didn’t even realize what a close call it was at the time.

    Some gliders are launched by being towed behind a powered plane and then being released, but the much simpler (and cheaper) way is to do a ‘winch launch’ – a very long cable is laid out along a smooth, flat piece of land (usually an otherwise-unused runway), connected to a releasable hook under the nose of the glider at one end, and attached to a wheel driven by a standard V8 engine at the other end. The operator of the winch gives it maximum gas, reeling in the cable, which gives the glider enough speed to get airborne. Then the glider pilot pulls back on the stick, carefully balancing getting maximum altitude and ripping the wings off his plane. As you reach about half-way down the original cable length, you begin to level off, and you can get a final ‘slingshot’ effect before you reach down and pull the release lever that lets go of the cable (and causes the winch operator to seek cover as the cable drops out of the sky). Just as you rotate over the top after that slingshot, there’s a few seconds of slack in the cable.

    However, many gliders have a second hook under their nose, which you can hook a cable to for ground towing to and from the hanger. That hook is bolted straight in the ventral spar of the glider for strength.

    OK, it’s now easy to see this coming. There I was, 15 years old, doing my last pre-solo glider flight, with my instructor (who was an F-104 pilot in the Air Force) in the back seat. Some newbie-doob cadet connected the tow cable to the ground towing hook instead of the releasable hook – and the slightly-older cadet who was ground supervisor missed it (and you can’t see that from inside the cockpit). So off we go, get a great launch, level off at about 1,200 ft altitude, and I pull the release cable. As the instructor is telling me to just enjoy myself until it’s time to return for landing, there’s a huge, ripping/crunching sound, and my control stick is torn out of my hands, straight down. The instructor gives a ‘yelp!!’ and then I hear a lot of very unpleasant language from him and a lot of wind noise. The tow cable had ripped a 3-ft long piece of the belly spar right out of the glider, taking my control stick and my instructors rudder pedals with it. Two immediate close calls: thank god it didn’t just rip the wings off the glider. And thank you god again that my seat was attached to the side spars, not the ventral spar, or I’d have quickly followed the control stick straight down.

    As it was, I had no control stick, and my instructor had no rudder pedals – in fact, his feet were dangling right over the huge hole in the bottom of the fuselage. But he still had his control stick, and I still had my rudder pedals. Both controls were very stiff because they had torn parts still attached to them, but they were working. I couldn’t see the hole in the belly because of my position (I couldn’t see directly under my seat, which was where it was), but my instructor was only too aware of just how serious the damage was. He recovered his cool quickly (as he told me later, F-104 pilots were used to critical parts failing on take-off), and (fairly) calmly told me that he would take control of the stick, but that I would have to follow his commands on the rudder pedals. We did a lazy (and probably very ugly) turn back around the field, being careful to avoid going out over the nearby lake. He managed to shed a lot of altitude with some S-turns combined with brakes, so that we were down far enough by the time we were on final leg to land. We turned in, and made probably the worst landing ever made at that airfield, at least halfway down the field beside the runway, keeping the nose up as long as possible to avoid the raw edge of the belly spar from digging into the grass. When it finally caught, the glider slammed to a stop, and I bounced my head off the front of the canopy pretty hard (nope, we didn’t wear helmets in those days). The instructor got away with two badly skinned shins, as he had lifted his feet up away from the hole under him, and they caught the bottom edge of the instrument panel. He got the canopy open, got out, and made sure I was OK before starting with the very unpleasant language again. I wasn’t nearly so heroic; I crawled out, holding my throbbing head, looked back and then saw the hole in the belly of the plane. As it dawned on me what had happened, my knees got weak, and I kind of plopped down onto the grass, and then promptly barfed all over myself.

    But the very next weekend, the same instructor gave me another final check-out flight, and then I soloed 🙂

      • Chrispy_
      • 7 years ago

      When you said the cadet connected to the wrong hook, I imagined the glider just nosediving into the ground like a stunt kite.

      Being out of control must have been pretty scary until you worked out that you had one complete set of controls between the two of you….

      • eitje
      • 7 years ago

      “and then promptly barfed all over myself.” <- my favorite part.

    • derFunkenstein
    • 7 years ago

    Mine is more of a nearly-miss, which is the opposite of a near-miss. I was driving to work in the back roads of central Illinois about 15-16 years ago. I was still in college, and I was driving my dad’s truck. It was raining in early January, and I thought that instead of driving into town and then out to my employer, which would add a good 15 minutes to my drive, I would just take the country roads and come into town the “back way”. Bad idea, man. What I didn’t know is that the temperature was actually dropping precipitously and the rain was freezing. I hit a patch of black ice and then NEARLY missed hitting the utility pole head-on. I wasn’t even speeding, per se, going around 45 or so knowing that it was raining and that the road was kind of curvy. One concussion and one totaled truck later, I’m much more careful about where I choose to drive in slick conditions and I’m much more aware of the weather.

    Sort of off-topic, but hey it’s Saturday now.

    • rika13
    • 7 years ago

    Was doing some work disassembling a machine, a ferris wheel or some such i think (was night so i couldnt tell, but it was a piece of metal in an arc), friend of mine accidentally dropped one of the pieces and it brushed against my neck, he was really sorry about it, had it been a few inches to the left, id not have a carotid artery.

    • FuturePastNow
    • 7 years ago

    I really hate two-lane highways. Three times, I’ve had an encoming drunk swerve across the center line at me.

      • just brew it!
      • 7 years ago

      I’m not a big fan of rural 2-lanes either. But the cost of putting in a 4-lane with median where the traffic load doesn’t justify it is prohibitive; so people just need to deal with it.

    • indeego
    • 7 years ago

    TR almost kept the green tag, delegating me to decades more of extra character typing.

      • dmjifn
      • 7 years ago

      Alright, I’ll bite. Are you literally comparing “blue” vs. “green”, or maybe “techreport” vs “arstechnica”, or what?

        • Meadows
        • 7 years ago

        Back before the comments used common BBC codes, TR had easy colour codes for text formatting (I don’t remember exactly, but I think g{ … }g was the format for putting in green text.)

        Indeego was known for always colouring his last punctuation green, for whatever the reason.

    • XDravond
    • 7 years ago

    As a bit younger… I discovered that rotten branches does not make a suitable place to rest your entire body weight on when climbing trees…
    It made me think about whether it is a bad or good plan climbing trees over solid bedrock… If I should tell mum about the not suitable for climbing tree or if she would get to mad… And finally if I should find something else to do for the rest of the day…
    All whilst hanging in one arm and leg in a branch that luckily halted my ~20′ (~6m) fall after about 4′

    And later I got to know that was a form of “near death experience”

    Later on I’ve had couple of “electrifying” experiences, “do not turn on that switch” is not enough to convince people not to turn it on, and make sure the Voltmeter is not broken/malfunctions…

    “Thats not good” when rudders (ailerons to be specific) on you glider does not respond properly…

    It is not a good idea to test the statement “you can march down a bridge” when on an old bridge with your slightly insane army friends (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_Bridge_(London) but with a much older less stable bridge over a freezing cold river…) You probably can ‘cus you could almost see the sway and definitely feel it… Later we though o wait this bridge is probably a bit to old to be stable enough…

    Among others more or less fun “oh sh!t, I’m alive? Lucky me” moments.. 🙂
    Sometimes I believe I’m not very lucky but thinking about these “close” moments makes me think different..

      • bthylafh
      • 7 years ago

      I remember reading a US Civil War story about some freshly-made pontoon bridges that got wrecked when some unit of the Union Army marched down them. After that the word got out that they should move across them in “route step”, i.e. together but not marching in sync.

        • XDravond
        • 7 years ago

        There were quite a few stories about how armies have been lost due to marching in sync over bridges, oldest ones is from the time of the romans where they manage to walk down stone bridges/viaducts before some genius figured out how to not die 🙂 I just pulled London millennium bridge as one of the most recent building mistakes…
        It is a bit surprising that they made the millennium bridge so “bad” since there has been several big accidents with “modern” bridges, like Tacoma Narrows Bridge due to resonance, but then again I can also see how some things are yet to be fully understood, resonance due to people walking seems to be one.

        So if you want to see how stable a bridge is get a bunch of people marching in sync, it is really interesting feeling…

    • JMccovery
    • 7 years ago

    Well, let’s see…

    First close call: One while walking to catch a bus to go to a local community college, I was crossing the street at an intersection in front of a high school that was taking in for the beginning of the school day, both the corssing guard and I were walking across th street (so she could get to her car, and I to the bus stop), when we heard cars honking and one of the drivers screamed “Look out!” There was an 18-wheeler barreling toward us at 70 MPH. We both dove back towards the curb we came from, avoiding death.

    Second one: I had just picked my check up from work, and was driving home on the interstate. Traffic was slightly heavy, but everyone was moving along at about 65MPH. Then this one woman that had passed me a while earlier (she was reading a book while driving) did not notice that traffic was slowing due to a construction zone about 1000ft ahead, she panicked, slammed on the brakes, spun across 4 lanes of traffic, almost getting hit by an 18-wheeler that came close to jack knifing to avoid her, towards the median wall, where I was in the far left lane. A loud “fuck” ran through my head, and in a moment that would make a F1 driver proud, I yanked the wheel hard left, and slid in between the wall and her back bumper (about two feet between my car and hers).

    • Chrispy_
    • 7 years ago

    [b<]So many threads here involve bikes[/b<], so here's my story to add to the mix. I sometimes wake up at night and need to get some fresh air because I still get flashbacks /nightmares from a downhill bike race in the French Alps. A combination of bad luck and bad judgement meant that my front wheel bottomed out the suspension on a banked corner. It was so violent that it broke a load of spokes and threw me off what was a very easy piece of the course. I bounced off the berm and over the edge, into a tree, falling about 20 feet to the ground, breaking my wrist and dislocating every finger of my right hand. If I'd missed any of the trees (about a 50% chance) the arc I was taking would have probably resulted in a fall of nearly 200 feet. They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die; I can't say I experienced that, but it sure as hell wrecks your sleep for years afterwards.

      • derFunkenstein
      • 7 years ago

      holy crap, man. You might just be winning this topic.

        • destroy.all.monsters
        • 7 years ago

        Wow, no kidding.

    • trackerben
    • 7 years ago

    I’ve had my share of near-misses on the road, nothing spectacular even in those times when smacking a wheel or fender against some curb or fence. What I keep remembering instead was this close call…

    Back in the late 1990s on a Sunday I was with my relatives driving home in a rented Chrysler van down 15 from Las Vegas. To the front was a truck loaded with what appeared to be metal rebar or pipes on its flatbed, with several long bundles pointed at me and my brother-in-law in the other front seat. As usual in late afternoon it was bumper-to-bumper at 85mph, our minivan was loaded and slow to brake, and we both joked about mad scenes in certain action and horror movies.

    Then huge of clouds of dust suddenly began rolling in from the hills from front right. It quickly reached us and completely obscured all views out the windows, reddish brown haze was swirling everywhere. We both realized what would happen if someone up the column were to panic brake – it would lead to a cascading series of blind high-speed crashes ending with our gory impalements. But I kept driving on, we both kept quiet and did not alarm the wives and kids in the back. After a few seconds the cloud suddenly disappeared as quickly as it arrived, and we were giggling with relief once we saw the truck soldiering on ahead at the usual distance.

    We reflect on this once in a great while and always with a sense of God-given privilege, giving thanks that everyone there kept their heads. Life’s a series of chances taken but also given. Whether one views it as a testing or despairing proposition all comes down to belief in one’s purpose or lack of it.

    • cheesyking
    • 7 years ago

    I once managed to do a 180 degree spin in a one way system and ended up joining the back of a traffic jam facing the wrong way with the back of my car about 3′ from the back of the last car in the jam. I did get some funny looks from the people joining the queue after me, and still more when I had to do a 3 point turn.

    Then a few years ago I was overtaking a car towing a caravan on a bit of dual carriageway. Just as I drew level with the back of the caravan it detached itself from the back of the tow car and wobbled across the road in front of me, weaved it’s way though various oncoming vehicles on the other side of the road before coming to rest on the central reservation (without having hit anything).

    • Shouefref
    • 7 years ago

    [quote<]potentially life-altering injury.[/quote<] Nice euphemistic touch.

    • paulWTAMU
    • 7 years ago

    Oh man.

    My first car that was really mine was a beater 88 Chevy Celebrity (keep in mind, I’m 28; the car was only 4 years younger than me).

    Well, the tie rods snapped while. While I was driving, up a mountain, to visit my then-girlfriend (who was psycho as hell, so I guess that she was another near miss). Thankfully, I was heading towards a curve that got me to slam into the mountain wall, rather than over the mountain side, since there weren’t any guardrails.

      • destroy.all.monsters
      • 7 years ago

      Christmas. Hope you bought a lotto ticket that day. I hate to think what “stop, drop, and roll” (while jumping out) would look like in that context.

    • Arclight
    • 7 years ago

    Glad to hear your OK, well sort off apart from the illness. I also had a close call or two in my life. One was when i was a kid, i almost got run over by a buss, my luck was that a frined was with me and he pulled me out of the way, i was just not paying attention to traffic…..

    • entropy13
    • 7 years ago

    “Good” timing with this post since Cracked also had [url=http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-videos-superhuman-reflexes-that-saved-lives/<]this[/url<] for the 14th.

    • yogibbear
    • 7 years ago

    Was sitting in the driver-side passenger seat of my mate’s car. Another car ran a red light and hit my side of the car. Luckily 2 m behind where I was sitting because my mate did not break or slow down or accellerate. If he had of done any of those things I probably would have either not even noticed the car run the red light (well I actually was looking at it suspiciously in the (what felt like 30 minutes) 1 second that it was visible as the lights it had to approach appear around a corner) or had some sort of bodily trauma, whereas we were on a long straight road that almost always has the green light by default. So yeah we just got swung around 180 degrees didn’t hit anything asides from them hitting us, and they drove of as they were obviously drunk or something… but their car was completely smashed in on the front engine side, whereas my mate’s just had the back rear corner smashed in. Still we were both pretty freaked about it. Plus we didn’t get their license plate in that moment of chaos… so there was literally nothing we could do to find them. The police said they’d look into the red light camera but never got back to us, my suspicion was it doesn’t even work anyway.

    • mutarasector
    • 7 years ago

    Back when I was a 19 year old young man, I worked on a silo building crew one summer. After two days of carrying 80 lb. concrete staves building a 70′ silo (round by round), I had to lower myself from the top of the silo along the exterior with a wrench to tighten reinforcing hoops/rods and a bucket of cement hanging off the swing sweat I was sitting on, patching any staves that got chipped when they were being winched up as the silo was built.

    Anyway, after two days of carrying 80 lb staves all day, my forearms were like rubber, so I had difficulty using the normal tie-off method of hooking a twisted loop of rope through the yoke ring of my swing seat. My site foreman had me use an alternate tie off instead which involved wrapping the rope line around the end of the wood swing seat and then throw the free hanging rope excess to inside of my thigh/leg to keep the wraps around my seat from unraveling.

    This worked well (at first), but apparently I had an old seat that was dry rotting, and the tension of rope wrapping around it was just too much for it. One second I heard ‘crunching’ noise as the wood seat started break from the rope’s compression, the next second I suddenly lurched (dropped) about 2 feet or so – just long enough for me to think about where I was and what was happening – so I instinctively grabbed the rope to stop my fall in the hope that my parallel safety line would save me.

    Turns out, I was wrong…

    The parallel safety line also failed at the same time, and down I went – 70′, landing flat on my back. Fortunately, I only had the wind knocked out of me for minute or so, but I was able to get up and shake it off. The worst part of that incident was that by grabbing the rope instinctively like I did, but not having a secured grip on it, 70′ of rope passed through my my palms in about 2 seconds producing a couple of nasty rope burns.

    How I avoided any serious spinal injury or concussion or didn’t fall onto a pile of tools just inches away from where I landed is beyond me.

      • destroy.all.monsters
      • 7 years ago

      Holy crap that’s scary. Glad you made it through ok. A freaking miracle.

    • bitcat70
    • 7 years ago

    Well… this one involves an appliance. And a highway. No bikes here. One day I was coming back home from a call out in the field. Driving in the right lane of a two lane highway (two lanes in each direction). I was behind a dump truck and it was loaded. I mean loaded. The thing looked like Mount Everest. And there was no net on top. All of a sudden something separated from the heap and was flying towards me. It was huge. I had no time to react. When it zipped by, just to the right of my car, I realized it was an enormous chunk of Styrofoam. I didn’t know what to make of it but I remember subconsciously taking my foot off the gas pedal so naturally the distance between me and the truck started to increase. A few moments later an even larger, white object fell off the truck… I didn’t know what it was until a fraction of a second later I realized it was a… refrigerator! When it hit the pavement it didn’t tumble; it was just sliding on its side and an incredible amount of sparks was flying everywhere! I started braking but really wasn’t sure how to react… I could see that even if I broke really hard there would still be an impact.. Should I try to go around it? However I noticed the object slowly drifting into the left lane. So I just stayed in my lane and looked around worrying it could get in someone else’s way. Luckily there were no cars in the left lane. I just watched as the object, sparks still flying, drifted across the left lane and ended up in the ditch. The truck driver must’ve noticed it as well because he pulled over. I just passed him beeping like crazy. I should’ve stopped and let him have it but I just wanted to get home. That’s how I survived the attack of the refrigerator. I just shudder to think what would’ve happened if it weren’t for that zooming piece of Styrofoam. I think it saved my life. I always try to stay away from the trucks and semis, you just never know with those things and I had a few close calls with them.

    About a week after 09/11/01 I was in a training for the Deutsche Bank VPN roll-out. During that course the instructor revealed that the original date for our class was on that fateful day and it was supposed to be in one of the towers. For some reason it got postponed. We just looked at each other and I could feel the shivers go down my spine…

      • just brew it!
      • 7 years ago

      Oh, hey… that reminds me of the time I had to swerve to avoid hitting a Weber grill laying on its side in the middle of the interstate!

    • ludi
    • 7 years ago

    Couple years back, I was hiking a popular Colorado 4WD trail on a Saturday with one of my roommates. It was late summer and people like to do target shooting in the surrounding valley, so some occasional gunfire was expected. What wasn’t expected was five rifle reports in quick succession from maybe a half mile around the next bend, accompanied by at least two ricochet whines.

    We let loose with a good, long yell in that direction then continued up the trail to where a group of maybe fifteen people was just breaking camp. We could see plenty of evidence of ongoing beer consumption, which is an odd thing at nine o’clock in the morning, and gave them a meaningful dirty look as we walked past, then continued to a couple lakes higher up in the valley.

    When we came back down a couple hours later, they had finished breaking camp and departed, so we did a little forensic analysis of the site and figured out what had happened: some ninny had fired a volley of .30-30 rounds into a patch of rocks (idiot), and definitely in the direction of the trail (reckless idiot).

    This, in a nutshell, is why no responsible shooter [i<]ever[/i<] mixes his hobby with alcohol.

      • Thatguy
      • 7 years ago

      Reminds me of the YouTube video where some guy is shooting a .50 cal sniper rifle at a huge chunk of metal. Needless to say the ricochet took off his ear muffs.

    • JohnC
    • 7 years ago

    I’m sure lots of people had many of them during their life… The earliest I remember were when I was living back in my native country – when I was still a child, we (me and other neighboring children) used to like experimenting with throwing different potentially explosive shit into fire… Sometimes this shit exploded too soon, sometimes too late, so there were some close calls with some scratches on the face and arms left from various metal/glass fragments of exploded things, none of which (miraculously) managed to hit my eyes.
    Then there was a most memorable one which happened much later, on September 11, 2001 – the only day when I didn’t get to my university (in Manhattan) on time… Whole day was a very unpleasant experience, especially for my parents since I didn’t have my own cellphone yet.
    The latest were a couple of near-misses a couple of years ago, during winter time, when I finally realized that “all-wheel-drive” system in a car (ANY car) and “all-season” (more like “3-season”) tires can NEVER substitute a set of proper “winter” tires when there’s even an inch or so of snow on the road surface… By some miracle I didn’t do any damage to my car or other people’s cars, but I was VERY close to it 😉

    • Bensam123
    • 7 years ago

    Mmm…. lets see I have two good one from my child hood. One was when I was about seven. I just learned how to ride my bike without training wheels with my brother and dad. That very same day I was toodling around on it and everyone went inside because the action was over. Moving at ultra slow speeds because I still didn’t know what I was doing, I hit the side of the driveway where there was a dip between the asphalt road and the concrete. I ended up falling off my bike and smacking my head on the concrete pavement (no helmet) in one of those basketball bouncing motions.

    I remember is sitting there crying and my nose turned on like a faucet (blood everywhere). I remember finally being found and being taken inside, my dad telling me not to fall asleep as I was proped up against the side of the couch and the floor, and dish towels worth of blood coming out. I still honestly don’t know how I survived that. I’m pretty sure I suffered a skull fracture. I wasn’t taken to the emergency room even though I should have been. I still have a slight bump on the front of my forehead where I hit the pavement.

    Second one was when I was about nine, we were out boating and at a sand bar. My brother and I had nothing to do so we sat there and lobbed rocks at eachother from about 20 feet. Not intentionally throwing them at eachother, but near. Of course this turned out like lawn darts, only with the darts actually aimed at people. The rocks got bigger and they got closer and closer to eachother. A baseball sized one ended up landing on top of my head, which of course caused me to bleed profusely.

    I was taken into the boat and told all the blood was from the water. I ended up holding a sock to my head as we drove back to the dock. It stopped relatively easily, but I still have like a 1/2 wide scar on the top of my head. You can’t tell it’s there unless you look for it. Wasn’t taken to the emergency room either…

    I still don’t know how I emerged from all of that and I’ve never gotten x-rays of my head or a MRI. I will do that one day just to see what kind of carnage I actually survived.

    Of course I also have the stupid driving stories… Driving back to college going 75 in blinding snowstorms with everyone else in one lane going 45 behind semis… the road having snow drifts on them you can hear the car run into, barely any traction. Wisconsin weather for you.

    • albundy
    • 7 years ago

    near-miss calamity…not too long ago i almost sharted at a meeting. luckily it was only a wet fart. you can NEVER trust those! the caterer was coming by so i blamed the dead corpse on the food. no tire tracks on the white fabric chairs either. It was the luckiest day i’ve ever had.

    • absinthexl
    • 7 years ago

    Living in a small town makes you dumb. Friend and I shot off some model rockets, but they flew way too far out of sight, and we never recovered them.

    So, we shot off the rest of the engines without any rockets attached. One spiraled out of control and flew a couple feet from my face.

    We still shot off the other half-dozen of them.

      • bthylafh
      • 7 years ago

      Once when I was a kid we were shooting off one of those “Saturn 5” rocket batteries (it’s a box of 25 or so small rockets that fire in no discernable sequence). I was a little ways away and the battery tipped over right at me & continued firing. Still not sure how I avoided a free trip to the hospital.

    • HisDivineOrder
    • 7 years ago

    God is sending you a message:

    Don’t talk to AMD.

    You talked to them, so God fired a warning shot. Ignoring all reason, you went back and did the same sin again. So then God punished you with disease. Do not make the same mistake again. The Big G may not tolerate further conversations with AMD and may resort to something a little less “Hey, head’s up.”

    Clearly, God owns stock in Intel. So now we know… God recommends Intel. Or else. 😉 God is an Intel fanboy. No doubt he values power efficiency. Plus, he loves him some Diablo 3 but wants his PC to be cool while he’s gaming.

      • internetsandman
      • 7 years ago

      God just wants all the money to himself

      • MadManOriginal
      • 7 years ago

      I lol’d. This humor needs some more + action!

        • mutarasector
        • 7 years ago

        I just added a fresh farty smell to m’chair laughing so hard. I quite agree, and ‘+1’ one of the -1’s away

    • codedivine
    • 7 years ago

    [quote<] Anyhow, I know I've had at least one or two other random close calls in my life. [/quote<] Story time! You can't leave us hanging like that 😛

    • kc77
    • 7 years ago

    [quote<]If I believed in karma, I'd be asking some perplexed questions right about now.[/quote<] Are you sure Dirt Showdown should be removed from the video card benchmarks? 😀 I kid I kid!

    • Scrotos
    • 7 years ago

    Aw man Scott, this is some Final Destination stuff goin’ on!

    • internetsandman
    • 7 years ago

    Back in 7th grade I was running across my classroom and jumped over a chair, misjudging my physical ability, and caught the heel of my leading foot on the far edge of the chair. I rolled the chair over till it was upside down, and my body proceeded to roll along it until I met with the corner of an unprotected leg (it was just a bare tube, no tennis ball feet or stubbed rubber or anything). I managed to not impale myself on it, but the end of the leg connected with the center of my rib cage and proceeded to shear a nice slice of skin off towards the side of my body as I slid across it.

    That was by far the most painful experience of my life, even beating out the time a couple years ago where I forgot to wear sunscreen to the beach and proceeded to spend seven hours under perfectly clear skies in July, getting second degree burns and heatstroke for my stupidity.

    It seems karma exists for me, only to remind me to not be an idiot when doing something that could hurt me.

    • PenGun
    • 7 years ago

    Riding the dirt bike on the mountain. Pretty well any day. If I didn’t fall down at least once it’s because I was not trying.
    The KLR just seems to break the mountain it lands on, the odd bit comes off and sometimes I blessed the IMF shifter for it’s ability to be rebent many times. Always brought me home. Sold it to my son in law, a good dirt bike rider, and he lost it and it flew some ways and he is up for surgery this coming month. It brought him home and is still just fine. We are glad we live in Canada and that our medical system is cheap to free.

    Almost killed myself many times when I was a biker in my youth.

    My Cutlass with the 502 made a lot of horsepower and in spite of a new upgraded suspension, Gatorbacks and Konis got away from me one time on a curve I entered at well over 100 mph. Did a 360 while negotiating the curve and ended up just on the shoulder and stalled. Started it up and got out of there, several people saw me and I was embarrassed.

      • Ragnar Dan
      • 7 years ago

      Reminds me of the biggest scare I ever had on a dirk bike. On my older brother’s Honda XR-75, I think it was called (been too many years to recall with certainty now, but if memory serves it was 72cc, and definitely was 4 cycle), with 4 gears. Obviously a minibike, but heavier and more like a downsized street legal bike. I was probably 12-13, and still relatively small.

      My brother-in-law found a place where a large Sheraton hotel was being built not far from where we usually rode, and eventually we 2 younger guys were there following the 2 adults (my eldest brother had his Yamaha 175 along) to the construction site. We saw that there was a giant rectangular hole dug, about 20-25 feet deep with a nice long slope down one side and a very steep but not quite vertical wall on the other. They made me watch them all taking the jump for a while before letting me try, and I soon thought it was no problem for me. Being 13 I had little idea of my mortality — or imperfection, for that matter. So when they let me, I took off nearly as fast as I could go, and was probably in 3rd with the throttle wide open by the time I got up the wall. Yee haw, what a blast!

      Getting to the top of the wall/jump, i was still going fast. I launched into the air, as expected. And kept going up. And up. And up. At some point I got so high that I “knew” I was going to be injured when I landed, and, worried about the condition of my family jewels when the hard landing came, decided to separate myself from the bike. I pushed it away to the left on the pegs and prepared to land on my feet.

      It worked out OK for me. Though the attempt to slow my collapse once my feet hit proved fruitless, I was mostly healed within a few weeks with an ankle and foot sprain and bruising where various other skeletal corners/ends met the ground, however the stretched tendons/ligaments of my thighs took some time longer, as did the purplish-red bruises that showed up later. The bike was a little worse off, with the handlebars slightly bent and the gear shift bent back.

    • bthylafh
    • 7 years ago

    More near misses than I care to remember (and too many of those my fault), so I don’t.

    Life is really a series of near misses and chance hits anyway. I might well not have met my wife if not for several individually necessary factors, for instance, and a series of such things were required for me to exist and further ones for me to be posting to TR on a Friday night. It’s the sort of thing that can really mess you up psychologically if you dwell on it too long.

    • EtherealN
    • 7 years ago

    Was working at a client mill in Norway and got up to pass some tools to my mate, and took a shortcut across a timber conveyor – all systems are turned off anyway, so no risks involved; or so I thought.

    Turns out someone had wired the detectors for the “kicker” (that moves logs from the conveyor and onto the evaluation table) outside the general system, rendering the safeties moot, and at the same time some plant employee had turned the compressors on in order to clean his car. SLAM goes the kicker and tips me over with my foot stuck in the chain. Hurt as hell etcetera, but after some x-rays at the hospital it was found that there were no fractures, just the mother of all twisted ancles.

    Next day when I insepcted the scene I came to realize that if my foot had been 10 cm further forward, the kicker would have sheared it right off. As it was I came out of it with nothing broken, a limp for a week, and to this day I have two recessed areas on my calf where it shaved off my skin. I have considerably more respect for those machines now – even if there are safeties in place…

    • Duck
    • 7 years ago

    We all nearly become exicnt at one point. Very much an endangered species. 70,000 years ago there were only about 2000 people left I think. The clmate changed in our favour, and we could then spread out accross the globe after that.

    Is sort of on topic.

      • just brew it!
      • 7 years ago

      Well if you want to go down that path… I wonder how close we came to global annihilation at the height of the Cold War?

        • Duck
        • 7 years ago

        I don’t really know. But even post nuclear war, lots of people are still around. At least according to Fallout 3.

          • EtherealN
          • 7 years ago

          There’s a pretty good pseudo-documentary pseudo-drama from Britain, made during the cold war. If I remember it right, the expectations from an all-out war was that “only” 10-20% of the population would die in the “exchange”.

          The big deal is the aftermath, but not so much “fallout” and it’s associated “cancers” – they’re a big deal, make no mistake, but what will reduce the population to something like 10% of pre-war levels is the collapse of infrastructure. People will starve because the food that is made can’t be transported, people freeze when there’s no grid anymore, medical services practically nonexistant etcetera.

          It’s “end of the world as we know it”, but not “extinction level”.

          Again though – that’s from memory. Was a long while since I saw it. Think it was called “threads” or something like that.

            • Duck
            • 7 years ago

            I saw a documentary about the Chernobyl nuclear desaster. Possibly made by the BBC. Surprisingly, the health problems from the radiation were in fact of less significance than the health problems from worrying about the radiation!

            • just brew it!
            • 7 years ago

            Other than all the people who died in the immediate aftermath…

            • EtherealN
            • 7 years ago

            If I remember right, the number there is double-digit. (I remember the number 54, but I think this includes confirmed cancers in the “liquidators”.)

            The big problem with Chernobyl is that it is almost impossible to get “clean” data. For example, “on paper”, there is a remarkable increase in thyroid cancers, but the problem is that before Chernobyl there was very little surveillance for this in that area, so it becomes very hard to know how much of this is due to Chernobyl, and how much is stuff that was there but simply didn’t get diagnosed before.

            • just brew it!
            • 7 years ago

            According to Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deaths_due_to_the_Chernobyl_disaster) 31 people died as a direct result of the accident, and approximately 100 in the immediate aftermath. 5000 more of the “liquidators” died within 4 years, but there are no statistics on how many of these deaths were due to radiation exposure and how many were of natural causes.

            • EtherealN
            • 7 years ago

            According to _the same_ article:

            “The number of victims is disputed; some have claimed that tens or hundreds of thousands have died as a result of the accident, but these claims are believed by some UN agencies to be wildly exaggerated.”

            Note that your quote sources a BOAS article from 1996, while a lot more work has been done since then; including the important note that in the first half of the 90’s there was a lot of chaos in who could get which information. (You can see the same in the extended cleanup operations that were ongoing in the 86-93 timeframe inside the reactor block.)

            Now, 45q15 Male mortality in the Ukraine and Russia(RSFSR) at this time varied between 270 and 480, with a rising trend during that period towards and during the collapse of the USSR. Not the best number to be working with, but it’s what we’ve got… This means that, in a population of 600 000 males of working age, we expect between 3600 and 6400 deaths _per year_ due to background causes! Obviously though, these deaths are more likely the older they are, and I don’t have time digging for exact liquidator statistics, which is why this background number is so much higher than the actual number. My point is: 5000 dead in 4 years sounds like a lot – but given the context it really isn’t.

            In fact, personally, even the numbers proposed by alarmists (well, not all alarmists, I’ve seen some grade A stupidity from some nice conspiracy theorists) seem to me to be surprisingly low, which is of course the reason why scientists have continued to be so interested in studying the subject: it didn’t end up being even close to as bad as was originally expected, and it’s interesting to try to figure out _why_.

            • Duck
            • 7 years ago

            From the radiation… “Survival rates are high and only 15 people are known to have died” [url=http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/guides/456900/456957/html/nn4page1.stm<](source)[/url<]. The point being it's probably not as bad as people think. Especially considering it "released at least 100 times more radiation than the atom bombs dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima".

        • bthylafh
        • 7 years ago

        Pretty close!

        [url<]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanislav_Petrov[/url<] Also this: [url<]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vasiliy_Arkhipov[/url<]

      • codedivine
      • 7 years ago

      By “we”, you mean ducks? Or gerbils? Or humans? *confused*

        • Duck
        • 7 years ago

        Humans ¬.¬

    • clone
    • 7 years ago

    riding motorcycle to work, running late, cruising at 125 MPH and wondering why the cars I’m passing are so close together…. they’d stopped because a tractor trailer was turning left.

    grabbed brakes as hard as could be knowing no way it was in time, just prior to impact front tire locks up, bike collapses throwing me under, I impacted the bottom of the trailer as evidenced by the damage to helm from trailer & pavement then flew out the other side rolling into the front of a Ram Van that was waiting for the truck to finish it’s turn.

    I don’t remember blacking out but do remember the screech, sudden blackness and the grinding of the metal, I awoke to several staring down at me.

    first response was to jump up stumbling around cursing like crazy, picked up my the bike and took off… within minutes the pain began and it was terrible, X-rays would later show a cracked hip that made my left side turn purple that moved like a wave traveling to my inner right thigh followed by a sickly yellow wave doing the same.

    upon review I realized my mistake was in depending on my back brakes & not enough on my front, I did this by default whenever panicked, I got angry upon realization & pulled off the backs leaving only front brakes and compression braking, sure enough during next panic my foot tried for the back brakes at which point my brain screamed “WTF!” even looked down then grabbed a handful of front and avoiding the collision, a potentially fatal habit that had to go, going forward I was to the point that I’d brake hard enough that the ass end would be airborne the entire time.

    I can’t say I recall ever getting into another situation where I didn’t have enough brakes to avoid it including when my girlfriend screamed in terror “NOOO” and punched my helmet from behind because a semi was going to merge into our lane without looking, I jumped on the binders knocking off 40 MPH in an instant and then looked at her like she was F’kd.

      • rhema83
      • 7 years ago

      Don’t become another statistic. 125mph (or even 125kph) in urban traffic is simply reckless, no matter how “exceptionally good” you are with braking. Professional racers with skills you can only dream about have died riding on the street.

      You came really close to becoming a fatality. You gotta learn your lesson and stop putting yourself and your girlfriend in harm’s way. Live to ride another day!

        • Ragnar Dan
        • 7 years ago

        Agreed. I don’t think anything I’ve ever ridden could “cruise” at 125, but esp. with a balance-changing passenger, I couldn’t live with myself if I harmed someone because I felt full of myself and my skill no matter what might happen.

          • clone
          • 7 years ago

          my story wasn’t meant to glamorize excessive speed, it was for me a harsh lesson in so many ways, it also happened 20 years ago.

          I’m glad I survived it and have since gotten away from motorcycles altogether having lost the joy of it….. I raced for a few years and rode for 15+, owned 38 but about 10 years ago I sold my last one and haven’t looked back, friends still offer me theirs and in many cases push me onto them but I only do short hops and reiterate that I’ve lost all interest.

            • rhema83
            • 7 years ago

            Good to hear that you did learn your lesson and lived to ride many more years! Peace out.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            cheers.

        • clone
        • 7 years ago

        it happened 20 years ago and was outside of town.

      • halbhh2
      • 7 years ago

      lol!! Great one.

        • clone
        • 7 years ago

        the girlfriend’s reactions were just so counter intuitive.

        most ppl would tense and hope for the best, why distract the only person who can save you? the anguish in her voice like it all flashed before her eyes and she didn’t want to be done yet…. we never talked about it, not a word.

        literally it all happened in the span of a second, Semi puts on turn signal, she screems and I scrub off enough speed for him to slide right in…. it wasn’t even close but the prospect of imminent death must have had her.

      • bitcat70
      • 7 years ago

      Womp womp.

      • bthylafh
      • 7 years ago

      If you want to commit suicide, get it over with and quit putting other people at hazard.

      Otherwise quit being such an asshole when you’re on your bike.

        • clone
        • 7 years ago

        it was 20 years ago, your in no position to judge making you the jerk and during the 2nd instance when riding with the GF it was the semi that was at fault not I as it took my lane without looking….. but I suspect in your mind that doesn’t matter because I deserve to suffer for having gone fast previously.

        so eager to judge (condemn) others for your own failures.

      • Kiwi386
      • 7 years ago

      Nothing personal – but you’re a douchebag.

      There is no such thing as “cruising” at 125 mph.

      That semi that was stopped in front of you could have been a person – could have been one of my kids, could have been my wife. I speed, but if you’re travelling so fast you can’t avoid a collision you’re a douchebag. With any luck, you’ll only kill yourself and not make anyone else the fatal victim of your testosterone urge.

      Douchebag.

        • clone
        • 7 years ago

        nothing personal but you’re an idiot.

        for the record it was 20 years ago (so sad for you I didn’t die), I was on a highway, it was 6:30 AM and no that semi couldn’t have been a person, one of your kids, or your wife unless your kids or wife weighs 18,000 lb’s and is 60+ feet long/tall.

        with any luck you’ll only kill yourself (because obviously that is the only proportional response) and not make anyone else have to read your garbage or fall victim to your stupidity.

        god your a hypocrite.

          • bthylafh
          • 7 years ago

          You might have prefaced your story (or hell, put it in /anywhere/) that this was 20 years ago and you’d learned your lesson.

          Instead you said your mistake was in how you braked rather than that you were a moron for doing 125. If you can’t communicate worth a damn it’s your own fault.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            you wanted to make your stupid comments, you were so eager to judge, to push your own hypocritical morality on someone… likely substituting me for injustices you perceive on a daily basis.

            don’t blame me for your personal failings.

            p.s. speed doesn’t = moron, that would be idiot math and why your opinion is so trivial.

            • bthylafh
            • 7 years ago

            You’re one of those folks who can’t admit when he’s wrong, aren’t you? Fits in with a guy who’d get mad at his gf for getting on his bad driving.

            • Chrispy_
            • 7 years ago

            Without trying to turn this into a personal attack, I have to agree with bthylafh.
            Can we please not turn this thread into [url=https://techreport.com/discussion/23246/inside-the-second-gaming-performance-with-today-cpus#metal<]yet another "clone vs world" thread....[/url<] [b<]You were wrong to be biking at 125mph in traffic. Some would say you were wrong to be biking at 125mph [i<]at all[/i<].[/b<] Are you not enough of a man to admit that you were wrong, even after three edits to you post? I personally think that riding that fast is fine as long as there's [b<]nothing[/b<] ahead for at least your braking distance. At least then the risk is only to yourself and not others - a risk I'm prepared to take.

            • just brew it!
            • 7 years ago

            I’m mostly good with that. But was his GF willing to take the risk as well?

            And the “mostly” qualifier is due to the fact that other people aren’t going to assume that there’s something potentially moving on the road at 125 MPH. Even if *you* believe the road is clear up to your braking distance, someone who doesn’t see you yet, or assumes you’re still far enough away (assuming reasonable speed) could pull out in front of you.

            When you do sh*t that other people aren’t expecting, unexpected sh*t can potentially happen.

            You can’t expect everyone to assume that the traffic on a cross road *might* be doing 125 MPH.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            no offense but could someone please read a little more carefully (to everyone who’s responded), it was 2 separate instances and I was at fault in the first, never said otherwise.

            what I have responded to is any who would deem themselves entitled to attack or lecture me about something that happened 20 years ago because clearly they can KMA… it was 20 years ago.

            • bthylafh
            • 7 years ago

            [url<]http://xkcd.com/386[/url<] I kind of pity your lack of social skills. But not much.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            instead of justifying your criticism you cry huge off topic tears in an attempt at distraction.

            I pity you…. ok no, in truth you don’t matter nor does your opinion.

            • Chrispy_
            • 7 years ago

            You think you were at fault because you shifted brake balance too fast?

            [b<]WRONG!! ERROR!! DING DING DING DING!![/b<] You were at fault because [b<]you shouldn't approach a queue of traffic at a junction doing 125mph.[/b<] We're not saying you [i<]weren't[/i<] at fault. We're saying you [i<]still[/i<] don't seem to understand what your fault was. [i<]edited to remove the bad names I called you, though you are deserving of every word I used.[/i<]

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            Chrispy only a stupid idiot would assume that I believe heading into a busy intersection at 125mph is a good thing…. a special brand of idiot…. so the question becomes are you that idiot?… are you really that worthless?

            until now I’ve given you a little more credit, is that my mistake?

            to be honest I had mentioned additional details in a previous post but considered them superfluous & edited them out….. apparently I was giving a few too much credit, in truth I feel a little ill at the thought that I’m stuck conversing with ppl this low on the totem pole, I’d assume a modicum of intelligence that now appears lacking.

            • Chrispy_
            • 7 years ago

            [b<]HOLY CRAP MAN!![/b<] You have a serious communication problem: The issue people have with you (which is why you are winning [b<]all of the downvotes[/b<]) is because you have not admitted [i<]ANYWHERE[/i<] that you were wrong to be heading into said intersection at 125mph. In fact, you try to excuse yourself, explaining how it would have been okay if you'd braked differently - which is the [i<]exact opposite[/i<] of what a decent person would be doing. [b<]THAT IS EVERYONE'S PROBLEM WITH YOUR POST. NOTHING ELSE, JUST THAT.[/b<]

            • bthylafh
            • 7 years ago

            I think we’re past the point of profitability here.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            their was never anything to win….. what were you hoping for when you went caustic and assumed a moral judgement over something that happened 20 years ago?

            next time you fight to be stupid consider that it’s better to be silent and perceived a fool than to speak and confirm it.

            p.s. regarding the 2nd instance I’m still waiting for you to show you are not a complete hypocrite and admit you were wrong… at least then while still a fool at least you’d have some character that’s proven lacking thus far as you’ve applied double standards repeatedly.

            • Chrispy_
            • 7 years ago

            but if I keep flogging this dead horse, it might get up!

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            in all honesty Chrispy you should be ashamed of every post above this one and a few involving my long past girlfriend below it.

            you aren’t qualified to condemn anyone for a story posted about a near miss in a thread dedicated to encouraging ppl to talk about near misses and it was notably childish to even deign to speak for my ex who’s fear had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the tractor trailer.

            this wasn’t supposed to be a contentious topic but a few pathetic ppl decided to try making it so, including you.

            • Ragnar Dan
            • 7 years ago

            I think a lot of comments, including mine to an extent, were wrong in responding to the incident with your then-GF with the first incident in mind. Still, I can’t say there’s no reason to keep it in mind at all. Doing 125 while passing many vehicles in close proximity indicates an underdeveloped sense of self-preservation. I also think that if I’d ever screwed up that badly in public, the last thing I would do would be cursing in front of the concerned drivers who gathered around my unconscious body. I might utter a, “Holy *****!” or a, “Jesus Christ!” and then ride off in shame and then offer my apologies.

            I think that’s what most find problematical with your post.

            Having said that, I’ll reiterate that the responses have gotten to be a bit much.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            to be sure all of the comments about the ex GF were out of line, no doubt of that.

            as to the 2nd part…. are you serious, at 18 self preservation is at the top of your list followed closely by politeness during a sudden trauma?

            on a side note if you reread the last part of your post you’ll likely agree that apologies would likely be near impossible given you’d already ridden away. 🙂

            • Ragnar Dan
            • 7 years ago

            Heh, yeah somehow I got those last 2 bits reversed in my edit.

            As for self preservation @ 18, I had less sense of and concern about it then, but I’d had enough experience by then not to fail to take note of things and their worst possible outcomes. That being said, it’s more difficult to tell the timing of events as you write more about them, and I’m in general agreement with your “screw you, I’m the only one of us who was there” response (if I can oversimplify and make it a bit harsher than you might for economy’s sake), so the argument has lost most of its interest.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            this deep in I hadn’t anticipated an open mind, cheers and yes the differences in perception aren’t worthy of further discussion.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            neg, you have a reading problem, worse still you’re guilty of overstating the obvious and passing it off as prophetic.

            and I quote: “Chrispy only a stupid idiot would assume that I believe heading into a busy intersection at 125mph is a good thing…. a special brand of idiot…. so the question becomes are you that idiot?… are you really that worthless?”

            take heart thought because you aren’t alone.

            p.s. I don’t know why you’re so determined to be “the” moron but it is entertaining to watch.

            p.s.s. downvotes without merit don’t matter to me, infantile gestures made by infants.

            • Chrispy_
            • 7 years ago

            Clone’s GF was [i<]not[/i<] willing to take the risk, hence the terror and the anger. I re-read his first post; To him "cruising" is "passing cars at 125mph". [b<]:O[/b<] Regarding my comment about breaking distance, I should probably add "and only on a freeway" (which I assume are like the UK's motorways - fenced off, multi-lane roads without intersections). The idea being that nothing can come from the sides, pedestrians don't have access and if you can't see anything ahead, then anything ahead is breaking more laws than you are. The key point is that speeding is only responsible if you can [b<]GUARANTEE[/b<] that the only person at risk is [b<]yourself[/b<]. By endangering others you are immediately classed as irresponsible.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            neg you lie, this is a continuing issue, stupid ppl don’t read, they insert their baggage and then push it regardless of merit.

            I’ll try again despite it being previously explained.

            my girlfriend and I are traveling in the right lane of a 4 lane highway divided, some would call it the slow lane as slower traffic is to keep right, we are traveling the speed limit.

            a tractor trailer decides to pass us, so it pulls out into the left lane and begins the pass, before it finishes it’s pass it decides to put on it’s turn signal and merge back into the right lane…. that I am occupying.

            my girlfriend sees the turn signal and screams and then punches my helmet, I saw the turn signal as well and proceeded to react by grabbing a handful of brakes which scrubbed off enough speed (about 40mph) which allowed the semi to merge without killing us both.

            that’s it.

            now how this suddenly became my fault, a morality play on the evils of irresponsible riding is certainly a curiosity to me because so many pathetic morons have been attempting to claim it as such….. so please continue but instead of spewing uninformed idiocy, how about actually having a point worth consideration.

            note edited to include “of a 4 lane highway divided” because some ppl have been stupid enough and lack the character to assume the obvious even if it doesn’t help their foolishness.

            also because a fool has cried about editing I’m explaining this edit to highlight how stupid the criticism is.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            I edit for a variety of reasons, usually to condense, will continue to do so, you’ll also notice edits in this post like most other posts…. yep, edits…. lots of edits, added an edit to put in “lots of edits”, just edited to get rid of the “lol” and delete a line… :-)… .why any would cry so hard because I removed “lol” or that I decided to add “lots of edits” is stupid.

            never said I wasn’t wrong, to be clear I don’t believe speeding is wrong within reason, crowded streets, busy intersections, schools… bad idea, open road with little wind, good traction, ok idea, can be a blissfully wonderful idea, a 184mph idea at one time in my life.

            some ppl love to judge, they don’t matter, some like be to caustic, they feel entitled to judge, they matter even less, and then their is the special douche that wishes death upon others because their lives are that pathetic.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            this from the one who blames me for not prefacing after realizing what a jackass he was….. lol…..btw your blaming me for the lack of “prefacing” is your admission that you were a douche.

            on a side note: I’m in the slow lane (right lane) driving the speed limit, the tractor trailer that was passing me puts on his turn signal and proceeds to move into my lane before completing his pass….. how is any of that my fault?….. please explain.

          • Kiwi386
          • 7 years ago

          My brother was seriously injured, his car totaled, and his best friend, who was a passenger in his car,lost his right eye after being T-Boned by a motorcycle doing 80 in a 30 zone. The motorcyclist shredded his leathers, destroyed his helmet, broke his collarbone. If you’d seen what was left of my brothers car you’d say there was no way that “just” getting hit by a motorcycle could do that – it looked like it had been hit by a speeding semi.

          What if he’d been hit by a motorcycle at 125 mph ?

          My brother was hit at 1:30 am – hell of a lot less traffic than 6:30 am, but against the odds; a high velocity motorcycle impacted a slow moving object with the predictable results.

          As for your being on the highway and therefore there were no pedestrians to be concerned about – you’ve never seen a broken down car, or a car with a flat tire and people near or almost in traffic? Hell, never seen a trooper with a pulled over speeder, walking damn close to traffic ?

          I apologize for wishing you kill only yourself, I really hope you kill neither yourself or anyone else. As you said, I’m a hypocrite because I speed, but there is a major difference between 5-15 over the limit, and 60 over the limit.

          At 180 feet per second, you’re going to splat something before it even registers.

          I used to travel on my bike over the college Christmas break; met a German one year who could not forget seeing his friend flip off his bike at 140 mph, came down on some of the steel wire barricades on the autobahn, the wire + speed literally cut his friend in half right in front of him.

          The speed is fun, the consequences of fucking up at speed are immense.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            I don’t entirely disagree on many points but when trying to convey a message don’t start by being an idiot about it because the ears close, the message forever lost.

            btw many more drunks on the road at 1:30 AM and it’s dark vs light, open highway & bikes take little space, universally ride near the center at speed, not defending nor condoning but every potential hazard you mention I’ve seen well in advance at speed over the years and none were ever a concern, the mistakes were 1st being distracted, 2nd riding beyond skill level, 3rd too much speed.

            I get the impression you came into this thread about near misses to attack, insult and attempt to shame if you found the right post, while I do feel for your brother I wasn’t involved.

            p.s. while I don’t believe you’ve NEVER gone faster than 15mph over the limit (likely true that the 15 variance is the rule), the truth is I don’t really care beyond the hope that nothing bad happens while your driving.

      • JustAnEngineer
      • 7 years ago

      [quote=”A sociopath”<]Riding [i<]donor[/i<]cycle to work, running late, cruising at 125 MPH and wondering why the cars I'm passing seem so close together....[/quote<] [quote="Larry Niven"<] Think of it as evolution in action.[/quote<]

        • clone
        • 7 years ago

        meh….

        that said calling someone a sociopath because they made a mistake when they were young speaks very poorly of the author and raises the standards of normalcy well out of your reach given your snap to judgement/condemnation at this stage in your life.

        your bar not mine.

      • derFunkenstein
      • 7 years ago

      It’s good that you learned, and I think it’s incredibly telling how so many people want to get on their high horse about what happened 20 years ago. We all have done things we’re not proud of and happy to hear you lived long enough to learn your lesson.

        • clone
        • 7 years ago

        surprising actually & thanks, cheers.

          • Chrispy_
          • 7 years ago

          whoever’s downranking [i<]that[/i<] post is just being petty.

            • clone
            • 7 years ago

            never doubted that for a moment.

        • destroy.all.monsters
        • 7 years ago

        Yeah, no kidding. I’m often surprised there are any males that survive their late teens and early to mid twenties. In my case I’d call it providence because I’m not convinced that it was my survival instinct coming into play. Subconsciously maybe.

        I don’t think people really get they’re not immortal til they hit about thirty. There’s just so much haughty surety in one’s ability to do things at that age that so often is utterly unfounded.

        Would I have done what clone did by driving that fast in traffic? Probably not but then I wasn’t a motorcycle driver either. I was too busy doing other stupid things.

    • just brew it!
    • 7 years ago

    Well let’s see…

    1. When I was in 8th grade orchestra class, I had just put my instrument away when the entire suspended ceiling in the instrument storage room came crashing down. Turned out all of the ceilings in the building (it was just a few years old) had been improperly installed; they had to go and redo all of the ceilings!

    2. Fast-forward a decade or so… I hit a patch of black ice on an elevated section of one of the local expressways at about 50 MPH and lost it. Spun completely around multiple times, crossing 3 lanes of traffic and narrowly missing numerous other vehicles. Finally came to rest on the left shoulder facing the wrong way, without hitting anything.

    3. Around the same time as #2 (plus or minus a year or so), I nearly took out one of my eyes attempting to replace front struts on a car. Fortunately I wear pretty thick eyeglasses; so the only lasting consequences were a chunk gouged out of one of the lenses, a bruise around my eye where the frames hit, and a healthy respect for the amount of stored energy in a front strut spring. If it had hit just a little harder, I might’ve lost that eye. Don’t EVER try to work on struts without proper tools!

    Nothing much of note in the past 20 years or so though; I guess my life has gotten boring!

      • Kharnellius
      • 7 years ago

      Holy Carp I did the same thing as you did in number 2!!!! I ended up facing the direction I came from on the opposite of the road! Mine was less exciting though as fortunately there was almost no traffic.

      It was pretty cool because I ended up having a tire path parallel with the road in the snow covered ditch. I realized I had one chance of getting out with my little civic. Too much gas and I would spin out and dig a hole for my tires. Too slow and I’d never make it up the embankment.

      Made it out without a hitch. 🙂

        • derFunkenstein
        • 7 years ago

        Wow, so you got to go on like nothing happened? Pretty sweet, Kharn the Warrior King. You’s a baller.

          • Kharnellius
          • 7 years ago

          Yep, pretty much. Lol, that’s me! 🙂

      • A_Pickle
      • 7 years ago

      Good to know about number 3… I intend to upgrade the struts in my Outback soon-ish…

      • JohnC
      • 7 years ago

      I’ve had a very similar thing to your #2… Also never actually hit anything (by pure luck), since then I simply decided to always use a dedicated set of “winter” tires during the winter and to never try to drive at inappropriate (for current weather conditions) speeds even if people around me drive “too slow” for my liking… at least during the winter time 😉

      • paulWTAMU
      • 7 years ago

      I had #2 happen last winter here–not an elevated expressway but one of hte busy main drags here in town. I had to pull over and collect myself after that.

    • Thatguy
    • 7 years ago

    Timing is everything in life.

    I was riding my motorcycle with my brother a few years ago and we were just cruising a long, obeying the speed limit on a slow straight town road. I was up front while he followed a couple cars lengths back. All of a sudden from the right side of the street I saw a maroon blur come out of nowhere. Needless to say i stuffed my brakes out of panic and nearly went end over end. This car proceeded to blast through the road, from a side street, without ever touching their brakes bent over trying to grab something on the floor of their vehicle. There was another car on the other side of the road with a woman driving, the lady just threw up her hands like DID that just happen?

    Needless to say almost all of my close calls have been from someone just not paying attention or being distracted and not from reckless driving (at least on my part.)

      • Game_boy
      • 7 years ago

      Motorcycles are just dangerous even if you’re riding perfectly, and are never actually necessary. It’s still your fault for riding one if you get hurt.

        • Sargent Duck
        • 7 years ago

        Bicycles are just dangerous even if you’re riding perfectly, and are never actually necessary, since you can take the car. It’s still your fault for riding one if a car decides to swipe you while you’re biking to work.

          • no51
          • 7 years ago

          Walking is dangerous even if you’re walking perfectly, and are never actually necessary, since you can take the car. It’s still your fault for walking a car decides to swipe you while you’re walking to work.

        • Thatguy
        • 7 years ago

        All of this is actually true. All of it also applies to any form of transportation at or around other things at high speed. Sure it has less protection and is [i<]more[/i<] dangerous. It's all relative and everyone has their comfort zone on risk.

          • Ragnar Dan
          • 7 years ago

          Foolish remarks by critics aside, any jackass who drives through an intersection without looking should be jailed for some period and permanently lose his driving privilege.

          I’ve had jerkfaces in cars do things to me while riding, all as far as I could tell through poor driving and vision, but have so far been lucky enough to avoid any serious consequences. Once I could feel the back end start to rise when a sudden stop was necessary, but that’s about it.

        • just brew it!
        • 7 years ago

        Being a pedestrian in downtown Chicago is dangerous. So by your logic, anyone who gets hit by a car while walking downtown is at fault, because it isn’t really [i<]necessary[/i<] for them to work there... they should just find a job out in the suburbs instead.

        • Duck
        • 7 years ago

        Motorcycles are dangerous for similar reasons that bicycles are dangerous: because cars are now fitted with seatbelts as standard and nearly all of them are now coming with airbags too. These 2 things as well as other changes to car safty do not save as many lives as you would expect. They mainly shift the death rate away from the car drivers to the cyclists and motorcyclists.

        To make motorcycles safer, you need to take away people’s seat belts.

        • rhema83
        • 7 years ago

        Motorcycles are not inherently dangerous. Reckless, untrained riders and clueless, inconsiderate drivers are to blame. It doesn’t help that it is so easy to obtain a driving license in the US; many drivers and riders do not have the proper skills to handle their vehicles, especially under emergency. Yet they mistakenly believe that the license magically enables them to do so.

        I am going to skip the driver-bashing and focus on the riders. It is just ridiculous that riders who have gone through so little training are allowed to ride high-powered performance bikes. Modern bikes are very demanding on rider skill. Without the latter, you are simply gambling with your life that the rocket between your legs won’t eject you onto the deck. Proper training should not be recommended, it should be mandatory.

          • bthylafh
          • 7 years ago

          Even in a vacuum, if car drivers and other bikers were considerate, well-trained, etc. I still wouldn’t ride a motorcycle. Too easy to hit a patch of dark ice or some water or whatever and go flying.

          Give me an inherently stable vehicle (four wheels!), plenty of sheet metal around me, and a seatbelt.

            • Thatguy
            • 7 years ago

            As long as you aren’t being distracted reckless and you stop at intersections you can drive a big wheel if you feel safer. 😉

            I would wave as you went by too.

            [url<]http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=12737384&cagpspn=pla&pla=plat[/url<]

            • rhema83
            • 7 years ago

            If you evaluate the risks associated with motorcycling and decide not to do it, that’s an informed choice. Power to you. I know the risks well and choose to ride. That’s also an informed choice. The big problem is that many riders (especially newbies) aren’t even aware of the risks. They get the license, hop aboard crotch rockets and twist the throttle. When reality catches up to them with a bang, they are totally unprepared.

            Somehow many of the near misses posted here involve bikes. It saddens me as a rider. I hope everyone will ride safe and stay alive to enjoy many more years of two-wheeled fun.

        • yokem55
        • 7 years ago

        Most motorcyclists do know this an appreciate it. A friend who is a big into his bike tells me the only way he’s managed to stay alive for the 30+ years he’s been riding is to view every single other driver on the road as a crazed murderer who is actively trying to kill him.

      • rhema83
      • 7 years ago

      You were really lucky. A short while ago in my city, a rich goon in a Ferrari blasted past the red light at a crossroad and crashed at 100mph into the side of a taxi. Apparently he was trying to impress the chick in the passenger seat. The driver met his maker and took everyone in the taxi with him. Ironically, the chick in his car survived to tell the tale to the man’s wife.

      I also had a close call last month. I was on my way to work aboard my motorcycle, cruising at 55mph in the middle of the fast lane. Suddenly the car on my left (I live in a part of the world where the fast lane is on the right.) turned on its right blinkers and almost immediately started cutting into my lane. All I could do was to honk and brake really hard since there wasn’t another lane on my right (it was the center divider). Before I knew it we collided and I thought I was done for: crashing hard at 55mph into the guardrail, or getting run over by other cars on the highway. Fortunately I managed to keep the bike from falling and escape unharmed. To make the story short, I gave the driver a very stern warning and made him pay for all the damage to my bike.

        • MadManOriginal
        • 7 years ago

        That’s amazing that you kept the bike up. Do you think you were in the car’s blind spot?

          • rhema83
          • 7 years ago

          I am quite certain I was in his blindspot. It was a clear morning and I was riding a half-faired FZ6-S2, not some tiny scooter. The driver of the MPV obviously didn’t check his blindspot before changing lanes; he tried to make excuses at first but eventually owned up to it.

          Lesson learnt: don’t assume drivers will check, ‘cos more often than not they don’t!

            • Chrispy_
            • 7 years ago

            Close call. UK?
            I am guilty of driving way too fast but even I know that indicators are for giving people advance warning. Indicating [i<]as you pull out[/i<] happens far too often and is about as useless as just not using them at all.

            • MastaVR6
            • 7 years ago

            I see too many drivers hitting the brakes hard and signalling for turns- like a dangerous and ridiculous afterthought when they won’t enter the turn lanes. Waiting for the last second to merge into an exit ramp -WTF? In SoCal, usually exits are marked up to three miles ahead and they still act like it wasn’t there a minute ago!

        • trackerben
        • 7 years ago

        If that was about the playboy and his half-naked friends, did they officially report who the princeling’s father was?

    • neon
    • 7 years ago

    One morning driving to work, it was unusually foggy. I was second in line at a stoplight, waiting to turn left onto a bridge. The crown of the bridge was shrouded in fog, and I didn’t realize that people driving down could not see the stoplight at the bottom until almost at the bottom. Not a morning person, I was basically on autopilot.

    The light turned green, the first car started through the intersection, I started through the intersection, and as my car reached the median, an 18 wheeler tanker truck blew through the intersection, left to right behind me. The truck driver didn’t see the stoplight. Fortunately, the third car in line saw him coming and stopped. Nobody hurt, no damage, but I was close to getting T-boned by a tanker truck.

    • JoshMST
    • 7 years ago

    Two weeks ago, while traversing a corner at high speeds on a sports bike, I drifted over the double yellow line and discovered that there was a Chevy Tahoe coming the other direction at a high rate of speed as well. 1 ditch ride later… bent up the front end of the bike and broke some ribs. Better result than being spread across the grill of a Tahoe.

    • MadManOriginal
    • 7 years ago

    Sometimes I think about that too, but then I realize that just because X happened doesn’t mean it would have happened if I had done A instead of B. To put it in the context of this story, it may have been the door shutting that caused the wooden piece to loosen and fall, so there’s no way you could have been ‘in the doorway’ when it fell unless you closed the door and went through it the same direction again. (Maybe I’m misunderstanding the events but that’s not the point anyway.)

    It’s like saying ‘If I’d been 100 feet ahead of where I was, it could have been me in that car accident’ – it assumes that everything else would have occured exactly the same, just with your position altered. I’m not sure things work that way.

      • Kharnellius
      • 7 years ago

      Yep, I’ve had this same thought before, too. Glad I’m not the only crazy one around here. 😛

    • UberGerbil
    • 7 years ago

    So what you’re saying, AMD is failing even at [url=https://techreport.com/blog/22009/execution<]this kind of execution[/url<]? (Or perhaps not: like their recent architectures, maybe this design involves two separate yet weirdly combined things: a large piece of wood over the door, and some flu-y person licking the door handle? Get well soon.)

      • Meadows
      • 7 years ago

      I wonder where Fred has been publishing his unfunny comics as of late.

        • dmjifn
        • 7 years ago

        This is why we can’t have nice things.

    • Meadows
    • 7 years ago

    Smashed through a glass door eight years ago. One corner of it did not break out, and left a 7 inch scar on my arm, starting less than a quarter inch away from an artery.

    Had that glass structure clocked me in the wrist, I might have had a very hard time making lame jokes about Krogoth going forward.

      • derFunkenstein
      • 7 years ago

      Yet if it were Krogoth, what daily functions would he have impaired?

      • brute
      • 7 years ago

      is there a badass story behind that?

        • Meadows
        • 7 years ago

        I wish there was. It would elevate my self-esteem (not to be taken lightly as it is).

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