Who needs strippers bursting out of cakes? What you need is a man in a box holding a laptop. Check out the Alienware 18 laptop announcement video, but consider yourself warned: what has been seen cannot be unseen.
Not even a good soundtrack could have saved that one. The Alienware 18 laptop is a beast of a thing. It packs an 18.4" 1920x1080 screen on an 18" x 12" x 2.3" aluminum and magnesium chassis, and weighs 12 pounds.
Those dimensions are justified by what's inside. The base model comes with a Core i7-4710MQ, a quad-core CPU with 2.5GHz base and 3.5 GHz Turbo clocks. Optional CPU upgrades include the Core i7-4910MQ and Core i7-4940MX chips, which Dell factory-overclocks to 4.1GHz and 4.4GHz, respectively. No matter what CPU you choose, the chip is socketed, allowing for future upgrades. Dual graphics cards are standard in the Alienware 18: the base model comes with two GeForce GTX 970M GPUs, and users can upgrade to two GTX 980Ms. Mobile G-Sync is curiously absent, though.
The Alienware 18 comes with 16GB of RAM, which can be upgraded up to 32GB using the four DIMM slots. Four is also the number of available 7-mm-tall bays for 2.5" storage. Base models come with a 1TB mechanical hard drive. An additional 512 GB SSD can be had as a $500 upgrade. A Killer Ethernet controller handles wired networking, and wireless networking comes courtesy of a Broadcom 802.11ac adapter. The battery is an 86 WHr unit, though there's unsurprisingly no word on battery life. Four USB 3.0 ports, a mini-DisplayPort, and HDMI input and output ports round out the specifications.
Oh, and since this is the era of RGB LED lighting, the Alienware 18 will let users choose among 20 colors in ten distinct lightning zones, including the keyboard and the touchpad. Dell is selling the Alienware 18 today, starting at $2,500.